Michael Bay Confirmed To Direct ‘Transformers 4’, Burns $100 Bills While Giving Us The Finger.

There’s good news for those of us without talent in the world. Michael Bay is our Hero, our Saviour, our Douche-in-Charge. Not only has he shit out three painful, vapid, racist, sexist, snorecore shit fest Transformer movies, but the Bovine of the World have spent enough money to land him in the chair for a fourth installment.


It seems Paramount has delivered a dump truck full of cash and some more Victoria’s Secret models as Michael Bay has hit his official blog (via RopeOfSilicon) to announce: “I have just concluded a deal with Paramount to do two movies, but it won’t be two ‘Transformers.’ I will first do ‘Pain & Gain’ with Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. Then I will do the next Transformers for release on June 29, 2014.” Boo ya. While we’re glad that Bay is at least getting something radically different done in the interim with his smaller scale crime flick, the thought of him returning to make robots beat the shit out of each other kind of bores us to tears. Say what you will about Bay, but he makes shit explode better than anyone else, we’re just kind of done with him doing it with metallic toys.

Anyway, with Shia LaBeouf not returning to the franchise, Bonaventura chatted with MTV and suggested the franchise may be starting fresh. “I think we really are going to do a reboot there. [But] what that’s going to be, we don’t even know yet… We’ve got to get a story first. It’s a hybrid because there’s still continuity going on, and there will be a lot of new cast. Whether there’s anybody from the first cast, we don’t even know yet,” he said. “But it’s going to be a whole new story. But the characters that would certainly come along would be Optimus and Bumblebee, I’m sure.”

I don’t know why Paramount felt the need to bend backwards to land Bay. Any homunculus with a hard-on for special effects and blowing things up in Sandy Nations could pull off another “successful” cinematic crap burrito.