#August2019
DARPA badly needs underground complex by Friday for undisclosed experiment! What could possibly fucking go wrong?
DARPA like, badly needs an underground complex by Friday! For an experiment! They’ve put out a literal public appeal, and hey! Why not help out? Let’s hasten along the apocalypse with a fun experiment.
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You Can Buy RONALD REAGAN’S BLOOD For $15,000. No, Srsly.
After John Hinckley’s assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan, someone went about collecting the president’s blood. Much like other heirlooms, that blood has passed hands through the family. Also much like heirlooms, a family member is finally like “fuck having this, I can make some dough off it”, and is auctioning the hemoglobin off.
This Spray Gets You INSTANTLY DRUNK For A Few Seconds. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!
We have invented a spray that gets you instantly drunk for a few moments, before receding with no side effects. This sounds like probably the worst thing that could have come up in our wonderfully gluttonous culture.
