How is that for a fucking headline? Ice cream headache much? To catch those of you lagging behind up: the creator of Bitcoin has been cloaked in anonymity since its creation. Newsweek was totally like, “Yo, we gotcha!” And the guy is all, “Naw, not even!” Then somehow one member of the AP ended up taking him out for sushi? Huh? Ain’t nothing normal about this crypto-thingy. No way.

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Man, I barely understand Bitcoins. I know that they’re the future, or something. What else could they be, seeing as they are a universal currency that is generated by computer mining, and whose creator may not even be real. So when I read about hackers stealing mad amounts of Bitcoins in a heist, I know the Future has won. The details however, are very fuzzy.

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