Monday Morning Commute: Refreshing Taste of Glass.

Here it is folks – the final push towards Christmas! In less than a week’s time, the Magic Bearded Arbiter will sneak into our homes and either reward us with gifts or punish us with lumps of fossil fuel. Hopefully the Bearded Arbiter wasn’t looking when you cheated on your taxes, ran a red light, or didn’t tip the waitress because she didn’t preemptively refill your coffee.

But chances’re are that your ass is busted. There’s no hiding from Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping.

So on that note, welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot where we meet up to discuss the various bits of entertainment we’ll be relying on to get us through the hellish gauntlet that is the workweek. However, most of us are probably going to be giving half-assed performances at our jobs this week, more interested in cakes and candies and parties than punching in from 9-5. With that being said, last-minute shopping and party-planning carry their own unique brands of stress, and we’ll still need something to get us through.

C’mon, fly down the chimney and I’ll show you what’ll be occupying my mind this week!

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Televised Days of Christmas: Night of the Meek

[Is there a better way to celebrate the manger-birth of a superpowered messiah-baby than watching television? Hell no! Join Rendar Frankenstein as he navigates Spaceship OL through the Televised Days of Christmas!]

“Ho! Ho! Ho!”

Didja hear that? Didja?! I think it was Santa Claus giving us an early warning of the impending holiday! Make sure you rush out to the mall so that you can buy a Tamagotchi Angel for Cousin Jeffie and a Furby for Sister Lillian! Hurry! You don’t want to miss the sales! Go!

Actually, don’t.

Instead, why don’t you join the OL crew as we begin our trek through the finest Televised Days of Christmas? We’re going to peer into the vacuum-tubed past of yuletide greetings, the glowing memories of peace on Earth and goodwill towards men. Pour yourself a mugful of frothy eggnog, toss on your favorite ugly sweater, and plant your ass on the closest ottoman.

Tonight is not just any night – it’s The Night of the Meek.

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Alan Moore Serves As Real Life Occult Santa Claus; Gives To The Needy.

Anyone who insists that the Christmas season is all about Jesus Christ and his magical mystery tour is going to need to sit out of this one. You see, it’s been stolen! By secularists, agnostics like myself, and apparently awesome witches like Alan Moore. You may know Moore as the genius behind Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Swamp Thing and a myriad of miscellany too long to type.

Alan Moore is also an anarchist, and witch. But that isn’t stopping him from seizing the Christmas spirit. And casting a spell of totally fucking awesome giving.

Comics Alliance:

Alan Moore has made news by making a generous Christmastime donation to the needy in his hometown of Northampton, England. The co-creator of such memorable graphic novels as Watchmen and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen will make a gift of 300 Christmas baskets (valued at £3,000) in December.

Mince pies, coffee, sugar, puddings and canned food will be among the items contained in Moore’s gift baskets, according to the Northampton Chronicle. The package will be made of re-usable cloth bags provided by Northampton’s own Co-op supermarket.

Fucking awesome. Take that! Alan Moore is a perfect candidate for Santa Claus. He has an amazing beard. He has obviously magical powers. What does he have to say about his obvious position as the real-life Santa Claus?

“This particular issue is dear to my heart as it’s the area I grew up in and it is one of the most deprived areas in the whole country,” said Moore. “Those people who are living in sheltered housing and those going to the Salvation Army, who often don’t have homes, are living in very difficult circumstances and I think that any sign that they have been remembered and not forgotten is going to mean something to them.”

Alan Moore is my kind of Santa. I’ve always wanted a Santa that penned creepy Lovecraftian gangbangs with mythical creatures like he did in Neocomicon #2. But more than that, Moore is my sort of dude. Despite not being one with the Jesus Guy, he’s leveraging the spirit of the season to do something solid for people in need. So next time someone gives me shit for being in the spirit of Christmas, or rocking a tree and having a giving attitude despite being an agnostic, I’m sending them in Uncle Alan’s direction.

He’ll done straighten it out.