Now I know how you can make Fallout: Obsidian Sucks palatable to me. Mash it up with Hotline Miami in some banging pixel art.

Hit the jump for the full thing.

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There are more internet-connected devices than residents in the United States.

One apocalypse walks out the door, another does the Randall into the room. There are more internet-connected devices in the world than humans. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that once the AI Hive Mine at the center of Google’s secret laboratory awakens, the first thing it’ll do is actualize these devices into a collective of street-surveying Big Brother networks. But we need Facebook, and Doodle Jump. Frankly, I’m still not certain it isn’t worth the consequences.

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Amazon Acquires Kiva Systems. ROBOTIC WAREHOUSES GET.

Fucking robots, man. All crossing our technological borders and stealing our jobs and shit. The latest band of thieves are them Kiva Systems robots, now that they’ve been acquired by Amazon.

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Video: The DARPA Cheetah Is The RoboDog Of Our Future Death

What the fuck are we doing here? We’re engineering our own destruction. DARPA is pretty good at building death machines with my tax money, and their latest is goddamn terrifying. The DARPA Cheetah, a dog-looking robot that can run 18 mph. Don’t even both running when the RoboPocalypse hits.

Hit the jump to see your doom in motion.

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Video: Boston Dynamics Is Building A Real Cylon. We Learn *Nothing*.

The people behind the robotic Hounds of Hell are now bringing about a fucking headless robot Cylcon future-annihilator. My lord.

Hit the jump to see our destroyer.

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Video: Crawling Robot Baby Is Thing Of Nightmares.

Check out iCub. That of your nightmares. A crawling robo-baby with a giant umbilical cord that is powering it. It shall power it whilst it clutches your wind pipe, mashing you into messy meat sack goop. Mark my words. We are already building the Cylons their synthetic bodies. Goodness.

Hit the jump to check out the horror.

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Welcome To The Future – Teaching Robots To Ask Questions To Aid in Robopocalypse


Yeah, brilliant idea, let’s teach robots to ask questions.

Via New Scientist:

ASKING someone for help is second nature for humans, and now it could help robots overcome one of the thorniest problems in artificial intelligence.

That’s the thinking behind a project at Willow Garage, a robotics company in Palo Alto, California. Researchers there are training a robot to ask humans to identify objects it doesn’t recognise. If successful, it could be an important step in developing machines capable of operating with consistent autonomy.

Consistent autonomy? Are you out of your fraking minds? Seriously. You’d think all these tech nerds that are pushing us closer and closer to the Great Robotic Uprising of Spring of 2020 would probably watch some sci-fi. I mean c’mon, you guys are building robots. You have to be geeks. Philip Kindred Dick is considerably aggravated with all of us.

Asking questions? It’s like seventeen years before some hot blonde chick is walking up to you and asking “Are you alive?” before robotrons bomb the cities and scorch the skies. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Welcome To The Future – Supereyes!


As I mentioned before, the “Welcome to the Future” category is based off of inspiration from reading Warren Ellis’ Doktor Sleepless. It seems fitting then, that it appears his crazy insight is about to become true. In DS, there is the Clatter. What is the Clatter? Peep it:

Clatter is a wireless IM Lens instant messaging system built on to a soft contact lens. Clatter differs from other, commercial lens services by being open source and “riding” other services to create free cross-platform access.

It was created by John Reinhardt/Doktor Sleepless before he left for the Amazon.

Shriekygirls piggyback their shriekyware connections on Clatter signals.

In other words, it’s an instant messaging system that you see in front of you. This is futuristic sci-fi nonsense, right?

Not according to this news article at the IEEE Spectrum:

In the Terminator movies, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character sees the world with data superimposed on his visual field–virtual captions that enhance the cyborg’s scan of a scene. In stories by the science fiction author Vernor Vinge, characters rely on electronic contact lenses, rather than smartphones or brain implants, for seamless access to information that appears right before their eyes.

These visions (if I may) might seem far-fetched, but a contact lens with simple built-in electronics is already within reach; in fact, my students and I are already producing such devices in small numbers in my laboratory at the University of Washington, in Seattle [see sidebar, “A Twinkle in the Eye”]. These lenses don’t give us the vision of an eagle or the benefit of running subtitles on our surroundings yet. But we have built a lens with one LED, which we’ve powered wirelessly with RF. What we’ve done so far barely hints at what will soon be possible with this technology.

Welcome to the motherfucking future. Where you’ll be able to see like the Terminator, and chat with your friends while you close your eyes waiting for sleep.