A couple of weeks ago Pepsibones and I walked into our local comic shop. I hadn’t been in a long damn time, and it was great to step foot into it. I’ve always joked that Wednesday and the bushel of new comic book releases was the only therapy I needed; mind you it isn’t, but it makes me feel good. There is something invigorating about being swathed in a bunch of comics, cheesy stand-ups, and nerd t-shirts. Just shooting the shit with an awesomely jovial owner about a variety of things, and then marching home with a pack of new releases under my arm.

I hadn’t been in awhile though, and I had felt myself falling out of love with the same superheroes that I’d been following for fifteen years. I had Event Fatigue. I was burnt out on the endless Blackest Night and Dark Reign titles. I just wanted to pick up a comic book, have a well-crafted tale told by a favorite author of mine, and not be assaulted with an endless litany of crossovers and “continued in”-type shit.

In other words, I was fucked.

Pepsibones had been handling the comic book reconnaissance, but I felt a deep yearning in my nerdticles that day. I needed to return to my Mecca. Recharge my batteries. We walked in and I hit the owners with a guilty-ridden wave. I felt like I had neglected them. Did they fear I was cheating on them with another comic book store? Sticking my greendongs in someone else’s register? Christ, I hope they didn’t think that.

We walked over to the comic book rack, and I was hopeful, excited.

And then I saw the releases. I scanned the rack, scanned the rack, scanned the rack. There was nothing there. I was depressed, concerned. What the fuck was going on? I walked over to one of the owners, Dean.

Dean, dude, recommend something. Please, give me something to read.

Dean looked at me.

What do you mean? It’s a pretty big week. There’s tons of stuff over there!

I looked at him, incredulous. Was it really? All I saw was a cloister of bullshit. I sort of shrugged. Then he hit me.

Maybe you don’t like comic books anymore?

He was joking. Sort of. And then I began to panic. Did I hate comic books? Do I hate comic books? Have I finally fatigued of the endless carousel? Is this what happens when you become exhausted with countless deaths, rebirths, resurrections, status quo disruptions and subsequent old status quo installations? What the fuck was going on with me?

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Supergod #2

I know what you’re thinking, “Ian, why are you recommending the second issue of Supergod, despite the fact that you haven’t even read the first one because it sold out too quickly? Is it perhaps because you’d take great pleasure in sniffing Warren Ellis’ used toilet paper?”

And the answer is invariably, of course!

More seriously though, I’ve been digging on the concept of Supergod since it was announced back in the middle of the summer. Let me try and sell it to you by quoting Lord Ellis himself on the premise of the title:

“SUPERGOD: praying to be saved by a man who can fly will get you killed.”

In short, it’s about man creating gods who then destroy the world. It’s morbid, and interesting, and it deals with all sorts of teleological shit that gets my philosophical boner rising. And oh yeah, it’s by Warren Ellis.

Siege: The Cabal

In case you were wondering what Marvel was going to do next to milk your comic prostrate for every last dollar, it’s the super megaevent, SIEGE. After seventeen years of Dark Reign, Norman Osborn plans on taking down Asgard. Good luck with that dude. But nonetheless. Since you cannot simply start MEGAEVENTS anymore without hyping it up with an Issue #0, and thirteen preludes, Marvel is giving us Siege: The Cabal. Apparently The Dude Formerly Known As Green Goblin throws down with Dr. Doom and the rest of the dillholes he aligned himself with. Smash, kapow and crap.

I’m actually sort of excited for Siege, just because it’s going to be penciled by Olivier Coipel, and I always am curious to the point of wasting money. I’m going to assume that The Cabal is just a quick money grab before the main event, but I am also a cynical asshole. How about you buy it, and if it doesn’t suck, I’ll borrow it.

Also dropping in the Marvel-verse is the fourth issue of The Marvels Project. I feel sort of shitty for shying away from this mini-series. It’s by Brubaker and Epting, who generally rock my socks. But I don’t have much interest in getting into yet another Origin of the Marvel storyline. I picked up the first issue, and never got through it. It’s wilting away sadly in some magazine rack in my house. I’m probably a true douche. And then there’s Fall of the Hulks, which is serving only to remind me that the Hulk and like his Hulk son or something still exist.

Seriously, the Red Hulk is still running around, and from what I’ve been told, people still don’t know who it is. I hope this shit doesn’t go on longer than wondering what GAMBIT’S DARK SECRET was back in the mid-90’s Hey Gambit, how do you feel about the Red Hulk?

Sacre Bleu! Mon Cheri! Mon Ami! Kinetic Playing Cards! Shitty 1990’s character! Just tell us, already!

Bro, I couldn’t agree more.

Blackest Night: The Flash #1

I know that I’m totally being hypocritical when I tell you I’m amped for this shit. I mean, I prattle off endless paragraphs about how I hate comic book events, and their spin-offs and shitty infiltration of all the regular books. And here I am, recommending a Blackest Night title? Calm down, let me explain yourself! Then you can point out the fact that I’m a douchebag.

The thing that I’ve liked about Blackest Night is that it’s focused almost exclusively on Barry Allen as the hero of the story. Thematically it makes sense, since he is the ultimate dude to have escaped death. You can take it that way, or reason that his resurrection was a cheap gimmick. Either way, he’s back. It’s nice to see an event that doesn’t involve Superman and his perpetual existential crisis, or Batman detecting shit. And with this spin-off, we get to see more of that goodness, and a fucking zombie flash!

Apparently Barry Allen’s archenemy is the Reverse Flash. I have no idea what the fuck that means, I suck at DC lore. Does he like, move really slowly? He is the reverse after all. I have no idea. But he’s back. And I have faith that Geoff Johns and his boy Scott Kolins can rip off something interesting. Flash fanboys speak of the duo in hushed whispers of reverence. I have only recently begun to appreciate the Flasher, but I am going to take them at their word.

DC is also dropping Superman World Of New Krypton #10 which sees Clark being tried for murder. I’m not down with Superman rocking out on New Krypton, but I can tell those tools one thing: Homeboy Kent didn’t murder anyone. He’s not that sort of guy. Alright? He loves his Ma and Pa and shit. I know this because we’re reminded every couple of months of this, and also of the fact that he will forever now look like Christopher Reeves. Speaking of which, and this would be tight, why don’t they resurrect Christopher Reeves in Blackest Night?

Just sayin’, cross-promotion.

Yeah well fuck me, I didn’t get this thing up yesterday. No good excuses, aside from poor time management. My brother works seventy-five hours a week and then churns out an Octoberfeast everyday. File under: Why  Pepsibones has a 4.0 and I’m a slacker. Let’s do this anyways.

Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me the arts that you’re indulging in, to stave off suicide.

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Pepsibones has been vociferously arguing that the Disney acquisition of Marvel could actually be super disco breakin’ and shit. He proposes that the deep-pockets that have picked up Marvel could actually benefit fans. How so, you ask? Well, if comic books are in fact dropping and dropping in sales, they may be willing to eat the cost moreso than if Marvel was alone. Why would they be willing to do that?

It’s easy.

Marvel and DC have long since been using their comic books as thinktanks for movie ideas, t-shirts, theme parks, et cetera. In other words, they’re a the testing ground for more lucrative propositions. And if Disney is willing to eat the cost on this comic book R&D, they should do us a favor as well.

Drop the cost of comic books. If they’re capable of eating cost, why not make the average comic book cheaper? Them shits are currently bordering on $3.99. If they were halved in price, being the sucker I am, I’d be more inclined to pick up some of the slop out there. Like the fifteen Avengers titles.

Pepsibones isn’t alone in his sentiment, Rich Johnston at Bleeding Cool reported that Disney may be thinking the same thing internally in a good article:

Via Bleeding Cool:

However, what if Disney was preemptive? What if Disney want to do something that makes a big impact on the comics business. It may make less money, it may cost them in instant revenue, but it also may reignite the kind of buzz that will help the slew of Marvel and Marvel-related films and merchandise.

What if the comics, rather than creeping towards the $3.99 price, suddenly dropped. To $1.99. Across the board.   Sales would rocket, market share would sour, other publishers would be squeezed off the shelves, plastic rings or no plastic rings,   comics revenue would fall. But buzz would increase, increase, increase.

C’mon Disney. Do all of us Marvel zealots a solid and drop the price. We know you can afford it, you gobble up companies like I eat slices of pizza. Careless and with no regard for the ramifications.

It’s a common fear of mine that my comic book store of choice, Webhead, is a bad year away from folding. The owner Dean, who is a good lad of mine, told me recently that they wouldn’t even be capable of staying open without their business selling shit online.

I was floored. I knew things were bad, but not that bad.

Then I came across this great article by Christopher Butcher that was linked from another blog I frequent, The Beat. Here’s an excerpt:

Things aren’t stable, behind the scenes (and sometimes spilling onto message boards and websites) people are very worried. Fans, Retailers, Publishers. Distributors. But the thing that to me is the most disconcerting and heralds the biggest change? Diamond Comics Distributors drastically raising their order minimums.

I can’t imagine that this is going to do anything but make life more difficult for the struggling comic book store. It’s a lengthy article, but it’s worth checking out if a Wednesday trip down the comic book store means the same thing to you as it does to me.

Check out the article here.

August 31 was the day the entire nerd community was sent into oblivion. You see, today we all found out that Disney has bought Marvel.

In my mind, this is the perfect way to bring Captain America back from the fucking time stream or wherever he is at the moment. He will literally ride Walt Disney’s disembodied head and burst out of some transdimensional portal. Oh, you didn’t know? If you straddle dear old Walt’s head, twisting his left ear forward and his right ear backwards at the same time, a rocket burst ignites and he accelerates at a speed that pierces time and space. It’s coming. Just wait for it.

Here, suck on a press release:

Based on the closing price of Disney stock on Friday, August 28, the transaction value is $50 per Marvel share or approximately $4 billion.

This transaction combines Marvel’s strong global brand and world-renowned library of characters including Iron Man, Spider-Man, X-Men, Captain America, Fantastic Four and Thor with Disney’s creative skills, unparalleled global portfolio of entertainment properties, and a business structure that maximizes the value of creative properties across multiple platforms and territories,” said Robert A. Iger, President and Chief Executive Officer of The Walt Disney Company. “Ike Perlmutter and his team have done an impressive job of nurturing these properties and have created significant value. We are pleased to bring this talent and these great assets to Disney.

Good god damn. For $4 billion, Disney now owns everything Marvel. Everything. Comic Book Resources is covering it. But remember, Marvel has theme parks, they have movies, they have video games. Throw a rock at a nerd venue and you’ll hit someone covering the story. Are we going to see Marvel characters in a video game finger-fucking Goofy in Kingdom Hearts? Just maybe.

Via Destructoid:

In a conference call with investors discussing the detail today, Disney’s senior vice president of investor relations Lowell Singer directly addressed the videogame issue. He mentioned Marvel’s “smart licensing agreements with some of the best videogame manufacturers in the business” before adding that they’re not rulling out “the blend of licensing and self-produced and distributed videogames.”

“As these licensing deals expire we have the luxury of considering what’s best for the company and the products,” he mentioned, referring to the previously mentioned deals with THQ, Activision, and Sega, as well as Gazillion, many of which won’t expire until nearly 2020. If changes are coming, it’s likely we won’t see them for quite some time.

This shit is undoubtedly big news. How do I know? I woke up to a text message from my boy Patrick Mars letting me know. Every single fucking website has covered it. Pepsibones literally met me outside our house today as I was coming home. He asked a simple question:

Have you heard the big news?

And I immediately knew what he meant. I threw the question back at him:

Do you like the big news?

I don’t think either of us knew how to feel. In fact, when I begged him to write this article, he was all, “I don’t know man, I don’t have anything to say until I figure it all out.”

At first blush, I don’t like it. A completely irrational response based on nothing. Okay? I just feel like it’s another level of red tape for the creators to work through.

“Oh hey, can I turn Captain America into a pedophilic monster who is addicted to Hydroxycut? Oh, that wouldn’t work with the cross-promotion they’re doing with the Even Stevens reunion?”

More and more barriers of labyrinthine plans and levels of control. Meh. Don’t dig it.

In a perfect world though, it’d be great. As I’ve already detailed at my big boy job, maybe it’ll prolong Marvel’s ability to produce comic books. Anyone who has spoken to a comic book owner knows that Marvel barely or doesn’t make money off of their comic books. They eat the cost, make up a bit on Trades, and use it as a farm for movies, toys, video games, t-shirts, and Spider-Man dildos. If this allows them the capital to continue eating the losses, I’m fucking sold.

As usual, in a perfect world, it’d be fantastic. In my cynical mind, it’s going to end in tears.

What do you guys think? Leave a comment.

Looking ahead to the next few weeks’ comic releases, I realized that September 2^nd brings the first issue of Strange Tales Max. This three-issue miniseries is composed of short stories by some of the most acclaimed creators in underground comics, many of whom have seized the opportunity to run amok with Marvel’s more recognizable characters.

On the one hand, I think this series could be great for all involved parties; the creators gain exposure that their usual work does not afford them, Marvel gets to tout a badge of artistic merit, and the readers get their filthy paws on some unique work. If all goes to plan, Strange Tales Max could be responsible for quite a few Eisner-nominations.

However, such an endeavor also runs the risk of choking on the vomit of its own novelty. Comic book fans are, on the whole, not a group who like their mothers’ apple pie recipes fucked with. If Marvel runs a story about Peter Parker giving up the superheroics in favor of free-form dance, then they might just shoot themselves in the foot.

Quirky or novel are not always synonymous with successful. Just ask DC’s Wednesday Comics — despite heavy promotion, its first issue was only the thirty-sixth best selling comic of July (with subsequent issues faring worse). And even though I think it contains some of the best story-telling I’ve read lately (Kerschl/Fletcher’s The Flash/Iris West, Pope’s Strange Adventures, & Busiek/Quinones’ Green Lantern comes to mind) even I can’t get over the shitty newsprint material. In my opinion, such beautiful art shouldn’t be folded over and printed on gray toilet paper.

Perhaps Wednesday Comics may work better once it’s collected into an absolute edition. Maybe Strange Tales Max will be unappreciated until collected into a full anthology. Either way, both should be commended for the ways in which they strive for something else.

Strange Tales #2's cover is from Peter Bagge's "The Incorrigible Hulk"