What a fantastic week in the world of funny books. There’s a good amount of shit dropping that I’m digging and/or have been anticipating for a while now. Some weeks it’s bare bones, other weeks it’s a raping and pillaging of my wallet. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground, which is cool, because what is the internet for! If not for bitching and moaning?

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S.H.I.E.L.D #4
Whenever S.H.I.E.L.D drops, it’s my favorite book of the week. Easily, and without contention. Hickman and Weaver are combining their powers like fucking Captain Planet to give me a mind-raping that I welcome with open uh, mind-anus? Whatever. Seriously though, it’s a combination of epic Marvel action during the days of DaVinci, humanist philosophy, and really, really, really gorgeous artwork. It’s raged from being unknown and underneath the radar to one of the dopest and most acclaimed titles of the year, and if you haven’t hitched yourself to its Icarus wings yet, it’s about time that you got on board.

Last episode was Sir Isaac Newton copulating with an alien, and enslaving Nostradamus to help him guide the trajectory of human history. This episode? Apparently there’s a fetus of god being born, as well as a throwdown with a Celestial. This son of a bitch is hitting on so many cylinders, it’s scary. Well worth your $3.

Also In The Marvel Universe:
Sometimes I kick it around the horn in a Universe when there’s a particularly large deluge rocketing down the pipe, and this week seems fitting. There’s a huge heaping of Thor dropping this week. The aforementioned scribe superior, Hickman is debuting his Ultimate Thor this week, and like a moaning fanboy of his, I’ll be checking it out. Not content, more Thor for you? Even though he’s becoming the Asgardian equivalent of Deadpool when it comes to over-exposure? Hit up Thor: For Asgard. The artwork by Bianchi sells it by itself. Uncanny X-Force #1 debuts this week, and yeah? I don’t know man. At one point in my life, the word “Uncanny” meant a shitload to me. Know it just bums me out, and makes me which I was still running the Australian outback with Claremont and Silvestri.

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Pictures surfaced of Chris Evans rocking out as Steve Rogers today. One of the more ludicrous complaints I heard about him when he was announced is that he wasn’t “big enough”. Yeah well! I always thought he was ripped as fuck, and he seems to have stepped his game up since then. Don’t worry those of you who were worried he wasn’t going to bulge enough, he’s bringing it.

He’s pretty god damn swoon worthy. Hit the jump to check out the pictures from the set.

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Click this pig to enlarge. Artist Jock revealed today the cover to Daredevil: Reborn #1, and it’s a gorgeous son of a bitch. If you haven’t been following Daredevil, you’re a fool! And I’m not going to waste my time explaining to you why you are missing one of the best character arcs of the best ten years or so. Just fix it!

Get reading!

Greetings, Earth Dwellers. Or perhaps, interstellar beings, butting into our infostream trying to surmise what the human race is all about. We are humans, and we’re primarily concerned with fucking, fighting, and building. I hope we’ve passed your litmus test, and you see fit to not obliterate us with your laser beams and annihilation strobes. This is Variant Covers, the weekly comic book joint where I sound off on the funny book releases for the forthcoming Wednesday. Should you choose not to vaporize us, I’ll see you next Tuesday.

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Harlan Ellison’s Phoenix Without Ashes #1
If you don’t know who Harlan Ellison is, then you probably need your Geek Card revoked. Actually, that’s a bit draconian. You’re going to receive a three-week suspension and promise of having it returned to you after completing a program that lasts throughout duration of the suspension. He’s one of the Jesus Christ Wunderkinds of science fiction. A progenitor, straight-up pimp, and controversial motherfucker. It makes sense then, that the comic book droppin’ this week with his nomen upon it arrives with a serious amount of controversy surrounding it.

Buckle up, this is an amusing tale.

Back in the year 1971, Ellison developed a TV show under the title of The Starlost, whose pilot was called Phoenix Without Ashes. Apparently it was several shades of asstacular, and Ellison demanded he be credited under Cordwainer Bird. Yeah, guy wasn’t particular happy with the show. Cordwainer Bird? Interesting.

Anyways, following in 1975, the shit got novelized, by Edward Bryant. And here we are, some thirty-five years later, where it’s receiving the funny book treatment courtesy of “Harlan Ellison” and Alan Robinson.

I have no idea if Harlan is directly responsible for converting this son of a bitch into Panels and Narrative Boxes, but it interests me none the less. Any time that one of the godfathers of science fiction is contributing something to the annals of comic book history, I have to take a peek. See what’s going on. It’s what, four dollars? That’s like, three and a half Diet Mountain Dews. I can afford to take the risk.

You know, if they have the comic book. At my local store.

I’m doubting it.

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Bulletproof Coffin #3
Bulletproof Coffin #3 also drops this week. It’s the third issue of an eccentric take on both the current age, and past ages of comic book. Take that shit, wrap it up in some oddity and mix in the familiar but enjoyable trope of examining the glimmer of your past in contrast with the dull sheen of your present existence. But with dead zombies and children holding guns and other insane happenings.

It’s awesome. And if you can find a place to pick it up, it’s worth your space bucks. Your imperial credits. If you’re an alien reading this column, deciphering it for clues pertaining to our existence, you guys can probably walk into the comic book shop and just walk out with it. The fat guys and the bespectacled dorks running the joint are going to be too busy orgasming at the proof of extraterrestrial life to stop you.

Go on, get your theft on. If you’re going to be about our culture, your best bet is to ingratiate yourself into our behaviors as well. Theft is a good place to start.

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Amazing Spider-Man #640
Perhaps you’ve already undergone this, aliens. The movement from tangible to intangible objects. The decline of purchasing tenable objects in your civilization. But I’m having a hard time suffering that, in conjunction with the slow, miserable death of the comic book industry. You see, despite the fact that I’m pretty amped up for this week’s latest issue of Amazing Spidey, I’m more excited for the two aforementioned titles. The esoteric, less marketable bullshit. Less marketable, but perhaps even more enjoyable.

I’m struggling more and more lately with the fact that the shit I want to read, isn’t found on the shelves of my favorite comic book store. Ever since I said to myself, “Drinkwater, you got places in your heart for things beyond the realm of Capes and Telekinesis”, I’ve been branching out into Esoteria. But with that evolution of interest, I’m met every week with similar results. I walk into my comic book store, hoping to find say, Bulletproof Coffin, while silently resigned to the notion that I shant.

I walk to the shelf, and amidst Deadpool Explosi-Core #15 and Utterly Invincible Albeit Uncanny X-Force, there ain’t much for someone looking for the different.

And the worst part is? I can’t blame my comic book store.

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Daredevil is a favorite comic book of the Brothers Omega. It has received consistently outstanding writing throughout the years, whether it be from Brian Marvel Bendis, Ed Brubaker, or more recently Andy Diggle and Antony Johnston. And so while I know that Daredevil #512 isn’t the last issue we’ll ever see starring the Man of Fear, the fact that they’re billing it as the “FINAL ISSUE” of a favorite comic book of mine is at least enough to give me pause.

Robot 6:

That’s according to the publisher’s November solicitations, which uncharacteristically lists Daredevil #512   as the “FINAL ISSUE.” Marvel typically doesn’t announce cancellations that far in advance, suggesting there’s something “special” in store; perhaps a miniseries interlude as Matt Murdock grapples with the ramifications of the “Shadowland” storyline, or a complete series relaunch. Daredevil returned to its original numbering in September 2009 with Issue 500.

You know that Matt Murdock’s precipitous slide into madness ramped up a notch when he stabbed Bulleye’s deserving ass and decided to declare war using the Hand as his personal army in the current Mega Event, Shadowland. I mean, dude was just playing with fire. Hellfire, and some brimstone on the side as well.

I just wonder what lays in the cards for Murdock? If they actually kill him off for a bit, that’s +20 to Testicular Fortitude, man. They put Matty into a tailspin so many years ago, and if they actually let him crash and burn as opposed to some convenient salvation, then god damn, cap tipped.

Source: Zatransis

Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the dance. A list of staggering beauty, replete with asinine pointlessness! Voyeurism in an age where we are obsessed with something-something-someone’s vagina and the decay and collapse of both society and celebrities. Decay? Collapse? Maybe. Who knows. We’ve been calling it the end days since we were silly enough to proclaim Monsieur Christ beyond a good man, but rather a deity. I ain’t got nothin’ for ya’ll but my distractions and my empty panderings. But that’s good enough for you, I hope? I wish! I pray! Who knows. Refresh this page at work and brace yourself. The universe trudges.

Monday Morning Commute. Every Monday I’m going to detail the various things I’m either currently or will be watching, reading, playing, and listening to in the next seven days. It’s Monday. You’ve got a long week of school, work, or compulsive masturbation to get through. Tell me what you’re diggin’ on to get through the drudgery.

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Amidst a general sense of post-gym stank and a pile of funny books among my computer desk rubble, I bring to thee this week’s edition of Variant Covers. This week is a welcome respite to my wallet-rapery, the line looking a little thin, but I welcome it. After knuckling down and crushing most of my backlog since you’ve last been corrupted by my interwebs babbling, I’m finally caught up on the various titles I read. As always, these are the comics that caught my eyes, and as us fanboys are bound by various eccentricities and allegiances, I suspect your pull-list may be vastly different. I welcome it, and hope you drop your comic purchases in the comment box.

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Thor: The Mighty Avenger #3
Roger Langridge and Christopher Samnee are putting together something special on this rather unassuming title. I caught wind of it a couple of months ago, and was finally able to put the first two issues in my grimy paws last week. It’s legit, yo. As Marvel is understandably ramping up the amount of Thor titles on the market in lieu of his movie droppin’ next year, it’s awesome to see they’re filling these titles with writers and artists that are talented as funk.

Langridge is telling the origin story of our Strapping Young Lad of Thunder with an elegant simplicity. You walk through the still-new realm of Midgard with Thor, as he comes to grips with the notion that he has been banished by Poppa Odin. And god dammit, the way it is told is simply fun. Not enough comics can just grab you and take you on (what is thus far) a light-hearted romp. I don’t want to call it a simple tale, since it is written in a way that can convey some really deep mythology and strife in a way that’s accessible and enjoyable like woah. We have enough angst and existential brooding in our comics, and fuck if i don’t enjoy it. But this comic is a nice reprieve from the rain that drizzles on so many comic book characters’ miserable existences.

Not to be forgotten are Samnee’s pencils which echo the simple attractiveness of the plot. I haven’t been aquainted with Samnee before, but I’ve already fallen in love with his crisp, cartoony drawings, and his clean use of panels.

Langridge and Samnee are telling an extremely enjoyable tale with a clarity in plot and visuals that is far too exceptional in the shit I read.

Dig on it.

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James Stokoe is the internet hotness today, and with good reason. The artist and writer behind Orc Stain as well as Wonton Soup apparently was working on this son of a bitch as a warm-up exercise every day.

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Another week, another edition of Variant Covers. The weekly column dedicated to fawning over Wednesday’s new comic book releases. As an over-educated but under-developed fanboy, most titles I mention are of the superhero assortment. This results in me griping about the lack of character development in financially charged titles, while still giggling at laser beams, and staring at spandex-covered asses. Paradox! Let’s dance.

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S.H.I.E.L.D. #3
If you’re not reading SHIELD (I’m absconding from using the acronym every time, sorry), I don’t blame you. Outside of the buzz carried through the various comic book websites, it’s rather unassuming. Walking across it at the shop, you may not be lured by the gorgeous artwork. I mean, funny books ain’t cheap no more, and curiosity often meets short ends at the hands of a tight wallet.

So I’m beseeching you, read this comic book. If you haven’t yet, snag the first two issues, and pick this up tomorrow. Jonathan Hickman’s SHIELD ain’t Nick Fury and a helicarrier. It’s Leonardo Da Vinci, and an immortal city underneath Rome. It ain’t covert ops and espionage, it’s Galileo versus Galactus. From what the reader has been told throughout the first couple of issues, the premise is that SHIELD has been a centuries-old secret society fashioned to further the Human Machine. Unfortunately, as all good things, it has been spurned by the handiwork of some legit d-bags. Alas. Fuckers.

Thankfully, a resurrected Leonardo Da Vinci has returned to set shit straight. Yeah man, that Da Vinci.

It’s a surreal trek through time, space, and philosophy. Not content just blending the worlds of history and funny book, Hickman has continually pressed the issue on the power of ideas in shaping human history. SHIELD ascends being a literal shield, and instead becomes symbolic of humankind’s pursuit of the Heavens. Not only that, but the battle over definition extends to the very concept of definitions – if Da Vinci claims destiny means one thing and the Legions of Old Assholes claim otherwise, the battle seems to rage on not just an ideological battle, but also a physical one as well.

In other words, they be spittin’ both thoughts and spears at one another.

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There’s been talk for a while that Robert Rodriguez may be the dude to direct the Deadpool movie. And in the last day or so it seems to be more and more likely we could get this shit in our welcoming nerd mouths. Surely you jest! Naw son, it’s really happening. Apparently at this point Fox and Rodriguez are in active negotiations. I say? Give this dude what he fucking wants.

Deadpool is, at his best, an absolutely ridiculous, ultra-violent chap. Rodriguez, at his best, brings movies of absolutely ridiculous ultra-violence. In a perfect world this shit is a hard R, and we can see some gruesome hysteria. But now I’m gettin’ greedy. Seriously though, the fucked up mind behind Machete, Planet Terror, and the adaptation of Sin City? Win, win, win!

What do you guys think? Hit the comments box, let’s chat.