#February2015
Monday Morning Commute: A Sense of Overriding Futility
It is officially the fucking doldrums, yo. The Prole Bowl has come and gone (The Lords of Kobol are kind to me), and now darkness descends upon my sad, empty life. Oh sure I could stare even further into the Abyss what, with the White Noise of sports-based distraction shuffling back into the Miasma. But who wants that? Not this bro.
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‘Jupiter Ascending’ Trailer: I’ve Always Loved Dogs
So like. Jupiter Ascending. It can’t be conventionally good, can it? (Whatever the fuck that means.) But something tells me that the goddamn insane hodgepodge of science-fiction visuals, Wachowskian action, and Channing Tatum with a tail is going to sell me on this movie. Somehow. Somehow!
‘JUPITER ASCENDING’ delayed until FEBRUARY 2015. To the Wasteland!
You know what movies come out in February? Typically? Cast-off movies. Fallen movies. Movies that the companies have no confidence in, wish to bury, silently hope to ignore until oblivion. And given everything I’ve seen out from Jupiter Ascending, I cannot say I’m surprised it has been banished into The February Wasteland.
‘JUPITER ASCENDING’ Trailer: Science-Fiction Absurd Core?
I don’t even know what the fuck to think about Jupiter Ascending. Like…every time I see new promotional materials for the movie my only thought is “how the fuck did this get made?” It looks equal parts expensive, absurd, intriguing, horrible, terrifying, confusingly erotic, and entertaining. I desperately want it either to be a) good, or b) so bad I can laugh while enjoying the visuals.
Rumor: NEW ‘THE MATRIX’ TRILOGY coming courtesy of Wachowskis. Just no.
The Wachowskis have spent the fifteen years since The Matrix generally sucking ass with some marginal gems (Speed Racer is fucking rad) in-between. With their latest disaster failure pile coming in the form of Jupiter Ascending (though truthfully I’m stoked for it) what are they to do? Go back to the Easy Idea.
‘JUPITER ASCENDING’ Trailer: Them Wachowskis Can Sure Do F**king Visuals
C’mon, Wachowskis. Don’t do this to me. Don’t get me fucking excited for another one of your movies. ‘Cause after watching the trailer for Jupiter Ascending, I’m fucking interested. Intrigued. Sprung at the science-fiction visuals you’re hanging on me.
CHANNING TATUM looks GLORIOUSLY DUMB in the Wachowski’s ‘JUPITER ASCENDING.’
The Wachowskis are fucking hilarious at this point. Just…man. Just amazingly corny motherfuckers. Watching them trying to struggle to say something of interest after ripping off something like twenty-five years of geek culture in The Matrix has gone from painful to entertaining. The latest ball of hilarity is Jupiter Ascending. Which I’m guessing was written in 1992. Judging from you know, the same old cyberpunk fetish wear the siblings like. Plus! ROLLERBLADEZING HEROES.
Oh lordy. Hit the jump.
Wachowskis Still Working On ‘JUPITER ASECENDING’, Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis Offered Leads
The Wachowskis have been trying for a while to get their flick Jupiter Ascending off the ground. After struggling with it for a good amount of time they shifted gears and turned their eyes towards adapting Cloud Atlas. With that whole dealio winding down, they’re going to give Ascending another go.
Wachowskis Want Natalie Portman For Sci-Fi Flick ‘Jupiter Ascending’. Do It!
The Wachowskis are busy these days, after a near-decade of living down their deplorable Matrix sequels. That’s the problem with stealing every awesome trope ever!, you can’t seemingly pull it off again. #Bitter. Maybe they’ve refilled the vault of Intellectual Ideas, pilfered some new dope ones. Whatever the case, they want Natalie Portman for a new flick of theirs.
