#November2016

‘Watch Dogs 2’ Launch Trailer: The ‘Hackers’ Sequel We Deserve

Dallas Construction Sign hacked to say ‘Donald Trump is a shape shifting lizard’

lizard folk

Hack the fucking planet! Reveal the Illuminati! The villainous Bilderberg Group! And most importantly, the Reptilian Overlords guiding our every though!

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Hackers stole $12.7 million in just two hours from Japanese ATMs

HACKTHEPLANET

Hack the planet! Or at least the ATM machines. Good grief, that’s a lot of money to gank in such a short amount of time. Or at least it is to me. You know, the headline screamed “this is a big deal” so like a sucker I nod my head. Mmm. Mmm. This is a big deal.

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1337: Hackers recreate German politician’s fingerprint from photos.

HACKTHEPLANET

And you all wonder why I’m always wearing my stretchy winter mittens. In the summer. In the winter. Sure they’re covered in crusty, withering flakes of my DNA. Sure my hands smell like eggs and mistakes. But at least them hackers won’t have my fucking fingerprints.

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5 YEAR-OLD totally exposes gnarly XBOX LIVE SECURITY FLAW

HACKTHEPLANET

Oh fuck! Oh shit! We got ourselves another Zero Cool on our hands. A five year-old recently found a way to circumvent XBOX Live’s security, rigging a way around the need for a password. Well done, little man. No come over here, ’cause I got some porn sites I need you to crack.

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Hackers be like, “MT. GOX still has our f**king Bitcoins.”

HACK THE PLANET.

Arrr! Welcome to the High Seas of Unregulated Wizard Currency and Mad Haxxing! You know how that Bitcoin exchange Mt. Gox was all “We’re fucking broke, broken, and destitute” and shit? Declared for bankruptcy? Well hackers are throwing the flag on this idea. Saying that the Japanese-based exchange, in fact, still has their fucking Bitcoins.

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APPLE hit by same CHINESE HACKERS who attacked Facebook last week. It’s on!

HACK THE PLANET.

Oh, you know there be some cyber warfare afoot. How do I know? You can riff its pungent scent among the air. It smells like generic tropes of nerdery, including Cheetos-stained fingers, heavy metal music, and most importantly Angelina Jolie. When will I disassociate her and Hackers from actual hacking? Never.

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