Weekend Open Bar: 5ive Years In A Lifetime

dancin' groot getting the fuck down

It’s Friday! Friday! Friday! Which is probably less exciting to me. Being on semester break. Funny thing about weekends when you’re unemployed. They don’t quite mean so much, except you get to hang out with all your working friends. But none the less! Fun shall be had. By me. Food shall be consumed. By me. And I’m going to frequent this goddamn insane column, Weekend Open Bar.

Read the rest of this entry »

MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE: Eat The Turkey, Vomit the Gravy

Thanksgiving! The week in which the Empire descends once more into gluttony and materialism. It has been so long without an excuse to devolve into primal man, consuming and farting! The fourth of July is so, so far away at this point. Let us not slide into complete debauchery this week. Let us be gracious. I’m thankful for you ladies and gentleman who frequent this establishment. You eat the appetizers, tip the doorman, and thankfully don’t let the others know that the abandoned warehouse down the street near the bowling alley has become my personal scat hovel.

God is good.

This is Monday Morning Commute, the column where we share the various activities that are getting us through the week. A little bit of a curveball this time around though, what with the aforementioned holiday. So what are you mortals, deities, and demigods of the Netterwebs during this Thanksgiving week?

Holla back, youngin’.

Read the rest of this entry »