There’s something to be said for taking advice of the locals.
Now, I’m not enough of a daredevil to suggest that indigenous peoples are always lookin’ out for the tourists. There’re more than a few cases of an innocuous wayfarer being purposefully misdirected by the natives. Hell, I can tell you from experience that if you get lost on the way to Mos Eisley, don’t ask any Jawas for help. I hate to perpetuate stereotypes, but Threepio was right when he called them “Disgusting creatures!”
But for Pete’s sake, don’t be one of those turkeys who goes on an adventure and then searches for the stuff you have at home! That’s total bogwash! Why even leave the front door?
So if it’s your first time venturing into a land whose citizens seem trustworthy, follow their lead. Even those who’ve led mundane lives will be able to steer you towards the essentials. So park your pride and incredulity under your bottom lip, and simply go to where you’ve been told you can find the region’s best burgers, babes, and beers.
When Rome, do as the Romans (and when in Hell, do shots at the bar).
During my recent trek through the Canadian Maritimes, I posed a simple question to anyone who I thought might have the answer (for the most part, this meant winos and women of ill-repute): “What’s the best Canadian beer?”
Without failure, they’d size me up, pausing for an extra moment at my ostentatious hi-tops, and then say in a tone that belied the thought that I could be an honest-to-Vishnu beer-drinker, “You’re goin’ to want to drink Alexander Keith’s.”
Tonite, from the porch of a farmhouse in Nova Scotia, I’m drinkin’ Alexander Keith’s Dark Ale.
Here it is folks – the final push towards Christmas! In less than a week’s time, the Magic Bearded Arbiter will sneak into our homes and either reward us with gifts or punish us with lumps of fossil fuel. Hopefully the Bearded Arbiter wasn’t looking when you cheated on your taxes, ran a red light, or didn’t tip the waitress because she didn’t preemptively refill your coffee.
But chances’re are that your ass is busted. There’s no hiding from Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping.
So on that note, welcome to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot where we meet up to discuss the various bits of entertainment we’ll be relying on to get us through the hellish gauntlet that is the workweek. However, most of us are probably going to be giving half-assed performances at our jobs this week, more interested in cakes and candies and parties than punching in from 9-5. With that being said, last-minute shopping and party-planning carry their own unique brands of stress, and we’ll still need something to get us through.
C’mon, fly down the chimney and I’ll show you what’ll be occupying my mind this week!