Well, dummy-pants, they are all the product of unlikely – but wonderful – collaborations!
At the beer-market today, a delivery-dude saw me scouring the shelves for the perfect inebriator. “Hey kid,” he said, “give this a try. It’s a team-up between Sierra and Dogfish.” He then handed me a bottle of Life and Limb and dispersed into an ethereal gray, drifting into a nether-realm, awaiting the next opportunity to help a beer-drinker in need.
Turn on some music as loud as possible. I’m not fuggin’ around – I want you to blast it. I suggest OM.
Tilt your head back. Keep your mouth shut. Through your nose, suck in as much air as possible. And hold it.
Now, exhale as hard as you can. Don’t stop until you think you’re about to gag. Then keep going. Feel the muscles in the back of your throat writhe. Don’t close your mouth – the burps want to come out. By the way, keep going. Let the tears come to your eyes. Enjoy that pre-puke taste filling your gullet. Keep going. Bend over at the torso and the let the blood flow into your face. Keep going. And just when you think you’re going to pass out, swing upright and suck in more air.
Congratulations. You just reminded yourself that you’re amongst the living.
In 100 years, this likely won’t be the case.
So let’s enjoy some shit along the way. Hop aboard Monday Morning Commute so I can tell you what I’m up to. Then hit up the comments section and do the same.