Facebook! You know, the monolith that we all simultaneously hate and prostrate ourselves before? The one that fucks up everything? Well, this gang of chucklefuck morons is developing a cryptocurrency.
Here’s part two of the fucking insanity that was recorded over Columbus Day Weekend. This pig-fucking rot-fest is filled with pseudo-intellectualism, superhero talk, Bateman body slamming a pizza delivery guy while we’re recording, and thirteen undergrad communication majors feeding us Skittles for internship credits. It’s pretty mundane, per usual. We also discuss my (temporary) departure from Facebook, Avengers 2: Tony Boner Time, and more.
Ah, corporate hyperbole! I love this shit. Tell me all about your hopes and dreams, wizards of crafting press releases! Visionaries with too much money!, pepper me with your Future. And then give me my Snow Crash wet dream, okay?
Apparently ZeniMax ain’t feeling John Carmack. Ain’t feeling him in the least. The ‘Mack Daddy’s (I fucking suck, I know) former company is accusing the co-creator of Doom and Quake of stealing technology on his way out the door to Oculus. Who is right? Who is wrong? What’s the applicable shade of gray? Who cares. Watching Big Dumb Companies fight is fun for me.
Facebook. Conquering virtual reality. Conquering the Internet with drones. Pretty much just conquering. Your titty pics, and bro-abs are soon going to be soaring through the air courtesy of lasers. Drones. Making them almost seem not completely self-absorbed, banality-core. Right? They’ll just be owned, stapled to the guts of the Monolithic Facebook Intertwebs. (This story is actually about something different. A little. But indulge me.)
Facebook has bought Oculus Rift. This is either the worst thing ever, or the idea of a virtual reality wherein I can finally attend to my dreams of surfing the Metaverse as a console cowboy is coming true. Most likely though — you’re all just going to be able to see my tattered anus scraps in all the dimensions you could ever ask for. I look forward to offending everyone in new, amazing ways.
Because — of course. Why wouldn’t Facebook get its own army of drones? It’s the New Black! The coolest list of tech-suaveness. Buy your drones, launch your army, prepare for the great Corporo-Warfare of 20xx Read the rest of this entry »
Those guys who hired Jesse Eisenburger to create Face-Book in that movie are trying their hardest to be relevant. Sure they didn’t get to own the Harvard Face-Space, but they own a considerable amount of Bitcoin! Listen, don’t get me wrong. Bitcoin is cool. However, this smacks like that time my Dad bought me an Atari when all I wanted was a fucking Nintendo.
Facebook has unveiled a search engine for your life. This is a better, more intuitive way to stalk your friends, family and most importantly — random acquaintances of acquaintances.
When Facebook goes public, Marky Zucks is going to cash in like a mofuckah. A-billi-a-billi-a-billi!