#March2012

Epic Games’ Cliff Bleszinski To Future Indie Devs: Make Your Games On PC

Dude Huge! Cliffy b! Whatever you want to call the good chap, he’s been cutting his teeth in the industry for years and years. Speaking at a GDC panel this week,  Bleszinski gave some advice to future indie developers: the PC is where it is at.

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‘Gears Of War’ Creators Ain’t Down With SOPA. Beefy HGH-Armed High-Five!

A plethora of companies are throwing their weight behind the proposed SOPA bill. Not really caring about its dangerous implications of freedom of speech on the internet or whatever, so long as it cuts down on piracy. Epic Games  ain’t rolling with that posse.

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Ice-T Unboxes A ‘Gears of War 3’ Xbox 360 and Lancer. Dude Rules.

Ice-T is fucking awesome. Last year he unboxed Call of Duty: Black Ops, and this year he’s back at it. He unboxes a Lancer, as well as a special edition Gears of War 3-theme Xbox 360.

It’s dope.

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Cliff Bleszinski Wants To Be Known For More Than ‘Gears of War.’ Good Luck!

Cliff Bleszinski, aka Dude Huge, aka Cliffy B, is the man behind Gears of War. The third installment is coming out this Fall, and by my economic measurements, it’s going to crush the ass of sales charts everywhere. Despite this, Cliffy wants to be known for more than Gears.

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‘Gears of War 3’ Teaser For Teaser Is Silly, Pointless, Real.

Epic Games has released a teaser for a teaser they’ll soon be dropping for Gears of War 3. The actual promo will “debut on May 28 during the Champions League Final Match…and during Game 6 of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals in the U.S.” What I find amazing is anyone who actually gets into the storyline for the Gears of War titles. They’re a minefield of hilarious brodude conventions and dickrock tropes. In other words, I fucking love them in some ironic, but not completely ironic, self-aware, but still mouth-breathing sort of way.

Hit the jump for the teaser of the teaser.

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REVIEW: Bulletstorm

[Alright, so check it. This review is by The Faux Bot and originally written for Mad Gear Solid. When I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to finish the game in time, I asked him if he’d want to syndicate his shit. He said yes. Faux Bot is a genius, scholar, and friend of the site. He’s also funnier than me, and Mad Gear Solid is our spiritual twin from over on the other site of the pond. So go to fucking Mad Gear Solid, or die by a flaming sword draped in profanity and hate.]

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Here is a list of some words that make me think of Bulletstorm; squelch, slam, gush, firework, meat, erupt, anal, cavity, spurt, squish, rupture, forced, insertion, sack, giblets, cram, innards, gullet, crunch, drill, impale, tear, bore, flesh, sever, penetrate. These are but a few, however, they perfectly illustrate the amusing meta-game that I’ve created inside my juvenile mind. I like to re-arrange the words as you would with those amusing novelty fridge magnets —you know the kind- so that I can make deliciously witty and outrageous phrases that help me to decide on how to orchestrate my upcoming blood-bath.FORCIBLY INSERT ANAL DRILL and it’s done.

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Gears of War 3 Gets An Official Release Date!; September 20, It’s Fuggin’ On.

Get your dick nice and hard! Adrenaline-pumping, adolescent chainsaw death raging fuckery! Gears of War 3 has a release date. This son of a bitch is dropping September 20, 2011. I can’t fucking wait. It’s been too long since I suited up as a nice meatheaded HGH-looking motherfucker and taken out some locuts with my giant raging bladed phallus.

Get some!

Bulletstorm Guys Put Out Playable Call of Duty Parody, “Duty Calls.”

This, my friends, is just another moment in the greatest gaming marketing campaign of all time. The dudes behind Bulletstorm have released a playable Call of Duty parody. For free. Right here. Download it. It’s fucking hilarious. It features a rather amazing deconstruction of the Call of Duty formula, through the mouths of all the cliched cats you come across in the game. I love me some Call of Duty, but I was fudging me cheeks while rocketing through the four minutes.

Don’t want to download it? Hit the jump for a video of the parody.

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Bulletstorm To Feature Gang Bangs? Check This Video.

Oh Bulletstorm. For a while, I loved you from afar. Your juvenile swagger spoke to me. Now, you’re getting closer and closer. I played the demo. You delivered. The distance that keeps us apart? Almost unbearable.

Today another video dropped, this time showing the Skillshot, the Gang Bang. Oh yeah man, the glory of this game will be known. Known well.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Bulletstorm Demo Impressions: BONERSTORM.

When I take up a cause, I do it full on. Over-the-top and out of control. If you’ve been poking around these parts lately, you know that I have undergone total dickcrush mode for Bulletstorm. Retarded, childish, juvenile, and embracing every fucking moment of it. The demo dropped today, and I was fucking stoked. As I downloaded that shit, I threw up a psalm or two dozen to whatever Vaporous Deity wanted to pay attention to me.

Dear Netherworld Otherbeings, please let this game fucking rock.

Sometimes, motherfuckers hear your prayer.

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