‘Mass Effect’ getting “4D” theme park ride in California

Mustache Ride or someting.

Mass Effect! Motherfutzer returns next year, and god dammit I cannot wait. Also arriving next year? A friggin’ Mass Effect theme park ride.

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‘Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst’ Gameplay Trailer: DystopianFuturoParkourTime

Former Ubisoft studio head Jade Raymond is opening an EA studio in Montreal

Jade Raymond

Jade Raymond has hopped from one enormous, bloated, annualizing company to another enormous, bloated, annualizing company to start her own studio. But uh, she’s also going to be overseeing a couple of my most anticipated games, on top of that. Mass Effect: Andromeda, and the as-of-now-not-revealed Star Wars game from Visceral.

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‘Need for Speed’ Trailer: EA Rebooting The Franchise For Uh, You?!

‘Star Wars Battlefront’ Reveal Trailer: Battles From Endor To Jakku

Syngery: ‘Star Wars Battlefront’ dropping late 2015


Electronic (Dark, Satanic) Arts has announced that Star Wars Battlefront ain’t dropping until late next year. Which isn’t surprising to any dick-lord who remembers that Episode VII ain’t arriving until December of 2015. So like, you know. Synergy. Cross-medium mutual-product masturbation. Or something. I don’t know. It’s late, and the thirteen Monsters in my bloodstream are beginning to bid adieu.

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EA rolling out Xbox One subscription. $5 a month for their “best” games.

Battlefield 4

How badly do you want to suckle upon the teat of Electronic Arts and their “best” games? Because for $5 a month, or $30 a year, you’re going to be able to have access to them through an upcoming subscription service. Would you? For me — it would depend on how soon you get new releases? Like, I don’t need to pay for your backlog, EA. Anything you’re publishing that’s worth playing I’m going to buy day one.

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Fuck ya’ll! And fuck ya’ll gaming consoles! That’s what Electronic Arts and Comcast are saying, as they near a deal to stream EA games. It’s the Future, yo. It’s getting weird. And I’m liking it.

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‘TITANFALL 2’ is going MULTIPLATFORM. The Gods Be Kind.


Praise the Butt Lords, Titanfall 2 is going multiplatform. ‘Cause you see – I’m the douchebag who owns an XB1 and a PS4. However, most of my good friends are squarely in the Sony camp. They’re not frivolous pieces of shit with their money. So this means I spend a good amount of time getting thrashed by myself in Titanfall with no one to console me. Such shan’t be the case with the sequel.

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PIGS IS PIGS: ELECTRONIC ARTS snags exclusive ‘STAR WARS’ video game rights.


I want to be bitter about the fact that the fat ass Leviathan that is Electronic Arts has snagged the Star Wars franchise. However, maybe this means that they’ll churn out some space-worthy adventures. Just imagine! It has potential. For example, if this results in KOTOR 3, I’m going to jizz all over my belly.

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