Quick! Look out your window!
See it? It’s floating right there! Yeah, right above the guesthouse your neighbor uses for his weekend binges of cocaine and SNES. No, it ain’t a UFO, at least not of the little-green-men, flying-saucer variety. And yes, it does look a bit like a rocketship made of impounded station wagons and junkyarded computer components.
Because it is.
What’s that? Oh, the lights on the side? You’re goddamn right they’re Christmas lights. What’re they there for? C’mon, they spell something out. Look closer, it’s not hard to see a two-letter combination. Yeah, you’ve got it.
Spaceship OL is touching down in your neighborhood. Why’s that? Well, it’s `cause we’re bringing you the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE. Once you board the vessel, I’ll show you some of the strategies I’ll be using to spend the week celebrating existence. Then, you tell the crew and passengers what you’ll be doing to destroy boredom.
Let’s do this, before that nosy CPA across the street phones the neighborhood watch.
Samhain is upon us! Let’s scream paeans at the top of our lungs and imbibe pumpkin-elixirs and hand out candy to the ghoulish younglings terrorizing our suburban sanctuaries! This is the day we reserve to celebrate autumnal bliss!
Unfortunately, Halloween falls on a Monday this year. Which is lame. But as always, we can ward off the malignant spirits of the workweek by paying tribute to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE – this is the weekly post where I show you what I’ll be doing to entertain myself so as to survive five days of job-related drudgery. After you check out the treats in my pillowcase, hit up the comments section and share your own!
Let’s get to two-steppin’!
Driving to work this morning, I saw a BMW pulled over in the breakdown lane. Hazards flashing. Black smoke billowing out from under the hood. The middle-aged driver pulled himself through the open sunroof, stood upright as though he were First Man emerging from the primordial birth canal, shook his balled-up fist at the sky, and let loose a guttural wail that cut through the nonsense-talkers inside of my radio-box. His briefcase was launched onto a station wagon, in the process cracking its windshield and scaring the illegal immigrants riding inside. He then slipped, fell off of the roof, and got to his feet just in time to spit blood into my open passenger side window as I drove by.
In my rear view, I saw him whip out his dick while strangling himself with his tie.
As such, it’s my pleasure to welcome you to the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! This is the spot where we share our panaceas for work-induced ennui and existential fatigue. After I show you the cocktail I’ll be using, hit up the comments section and show off your own self-medications.
Those two fiendish goblins Boredom and Apathy are running amok, hoping to infiltrate the brain-bone of any unsuspecting humanoid. In the current system, the one that drags us down and demands we work far too long for far too little of a reward, they are highly successful. After all, Bordeom and Apathy sit outside of offices and follow workers home, striking just as TV-dinners are microwaved. But there is a refuge, a small oasis in the desert of the modern condition. And you know what?
Welcome, my babies, to the Monday Morning Commute. This is the place where we share our ideas about the upcoming week. Here, we stave off malaise and depression and lack of enthusiasm! Join me!
Mourning / Irvin Kershner
Irvin Kerschner is dead. You know what that means, don’t you? That’s right, the last director to helm an amazing Star Wars flick is no longer a passenger on Spaceship Earth. The Empire Strikes Back isn’t just a credible sequel or a fantastic piece of science fiction, it’s one of the most affective stories I’ve ever experienced.
What makes the movie magical isn’t the mind-blowing special effects or the incredible battles – although they are appreciated – it’s the abundance of relatable elements of humanity. Friends are torn apart. Lovers seek passionate infernos, only to have complications extinguish the embers. An individual pushes himself to the limits of his capabilities, only to undermine his progress by leaving early. Hell, there’s even a suave black dude with a cape.
I have no doubt in my mind that without Irvin Kershner, The Empire Strikes Back would not be the masterpiece we know it as today. Hopefully he’s chilling in Heaven blue-ghost style, chatting it up with Richard Marquand. Hell, maybe they’ll even take it upon themselves to haunt Lucas on Christmas Eve, showing him the error of his ways.
If this video doesn’t get you pumped for a Saturday night in October, nothing will.