Life, as I’ve come to learn, is often a cruel minefield of disappointment; full of strategically placed traps and the worst kind of surprises. Naturally, I’ve gravitated towards video games: a hobby that offers me a portal into worlds in which I can at least wield some modicum of control. Even when I fuck it all up, there’s a second chance. Still, these worlds aren’t without heartbreak, they still host plenty of the kind of girls your mother warned you about.
This week in gaming, millions of male gamers still found a way to wax their poles to the new, gritty Tomb Raider; Sim City went into complete shit-ridden meltdown and I continued to play a tonne of Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. The only thing that comforts me after typing that ridiculous name is the unrelenting entertainment value of tearing out cyborg spines. Third playthrough down and I’m still digging the most violent method of electrolyte extraction known to man.