Final ‘KILLING THEM SOFTLY’ Trailer: Shotgun therapy for all!
The marketing for this flick is letting it down. I know this before a commercial for it dropped last night during the Patriots’ assassination of the Jets and none of my friends knew anything about the movie. After watching it, they were intrigued, which lets me know there are legions of potentially-interested folk with no idea Killing Them Softly exists. Me? I got a fat chubby for the film. A chubby so tremendous it can only be relieved by mashing my mushroom off my keyboard. It works. But for a moment.
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Video: 4D scan of a fetus YAWNING in the womb. Woah ++
New science-technology wizardy has revealed that we begin our slumberous swagger all up in our mother’s guts. For reasons they’re still trying to figure out, Scientist Wizards have observed a soon-baby yawning. Ain’t easy coming into existence. It’s exhausting.
Three entire g’damn COUNTRIES have their ‘Assassin’s Creed III’ shipments stolen.
Ain’t this a theft! Couldn’t happen here in the bloated Empire. No way. Given our size, stealing an entire country’s worth of Asscreed III would be impossible. It is possible in some dainty, adorable, little countries over in Wherever or Something.
WEEKEND OPEN BAR: Marshawn Lynch Wants To Kill You
[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]
What’s up fools! Drunk with Turkey Love? Gravy saturation? Hope your day of celebration was fantastic. Now begins the glorious protracted weekend. As you come back home from Black Friday sales, I welcome you to the column. Go wash the grandma blood off your hands – I understand you had to stomp her to get that LCD TV for $69.99. I get it. Draw the blinds, the cops are looking for you. Then sit down and contemplate the Thought Experiment I stole from a conversation at my own Thanksgiving dinner table.
You see, Marshawn Lynch wants to kill you.
Chevy Chase leaves ‘COMMUNITY’, couldn’t have it before Harmon?
Chevy Chase, everyone’s favorite douchebag, has left Community. A bit of sour grapes upside my head, since I imagine he had something to do with Dan Harmon getting the boot. As my Nana used to say as she was throwing her diaper out the window, “good riddance to bad rubbish!”
Casey Hudson: Should next ‘MASS EFFECT’ take place BEFORE or AFTER Shepard’s mission?
BioWare’s Lead Satisfied With Himself Director Casey Hudson recently asked if we, the fans, would prefer the next installment of Mass Effect to take place before or after the Shepard Saga. Bro, here’s a fucking option: have some conviction about something. Holy shit. Between polling for Dragon Age 3, changing the ending to Mass Effect 3 (it sucked, but you caving sucks more) and now this, I’m flummoxed. Does the dude have any inspiration? Or is he and the rest of BioWare running around trying to jerk off every fan? I mean, Jesus Christ. I thought the thirteen different play styles they stuffed into ME3 was indicative of them losing their creative way, but this poll is ridiculous to me. Make an excellent piece of software, and leave it to us monkey-minded proles to decide if we like it. Craft a narrative that you find engaging, and then leave it up to us to either agree or disagree with your vision.
The Dude’s High 5s: 1 Hit Wonders
What the hell? Is it time for another musical High 5? I hate these things. Oh well, nothing to do but dive into it. Half of the songs that I love are pretty much 1 hit wonders. While these bands may have other good songs, they really only had one hit. So please spare me the defensive arguments if I touch a nerve. I understand, I too love the Sundays, Letters to Cleo, Better than Ezra, Cake, Chumbawumba, The Verve, Harvey Danger, The Toadies, Deep Blue Something, Fine Young Cannibals, Space Hog, and so on … ok, maybe not so much on the Chumbawuba. So without further adieu, may favorite 1 Hit Wonders.
Rumor: ‘EMPIRE STRIKES BACK’ writer Lawrence Kasdan could script ‘EPISODE VIII & IX’?
Star Wars fans, go ahead and tug your bits to this rumor. It’s designed to titillate all your various nerd glands. There ain’t any shame, I promise. Draw the blinds, and get slushy in your pantaloons. Lawrence fucking Kasdan! Oh, and some other guy too.
Video: I HAVE YOUR HEART – an animation by Molly Crabapple, Boekbinder, & Batt
Molly Crabapple is back at it, this time teaming up with animator Jim Batt, and the musician Kim Boekbinder. They’ve put together this animation, “I Have Your Heart”, and. And! They do have my heart, indeed. Sorry, I know. So cheese.
