WATCH: Sochi Speed Skating x ‘MARIO KART.’
Obligatory yet FUCKING NEEDED “Man if this was an Olympic Sport I’d actually care” comment. The indie film maker Michael Shanks has remixed speed skating from this year’s Olympics in Sochi with some glorious Mario Kart classics. That’s all you need to know!
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WATCH: ‘CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER’ TV Spot may hang mother of all spoilers
Does this TV spot contain a potentially enormous spoiler? Yes. Do I buy said spoiler? Not at all. Is it clever as fuck marketing either way? Aye, aye.
Hit the jump if you dare. (Please dare.)
New ‘TONY HAWK’ game coming from Activision. OLLIE OF F**KING JOY
Remember back in 2000 (or was it 2001? If only we could search things on the Internet), when Tony Hawk was fucking awesome? Grinding to Primus and shit? Man. The good old days. Then Tony Hawk came out every year and it was like WAY MOST NOT GNARLY and I got tired it. But it’s been long enough for a TUBULAR REVIVAL, and the Powers that Be at Activision see that too.
Netflix quality is sucking because of CABLE COMPANIES throttling bandwidth. F**kers.
Last weekend the fiancé and I were trying to watch the new season of House of Cards when the fucking quality was bouncing around more than my moods on one of those “Jesus Christ I forgot to take my meds for how many days?” type weeks. I had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with a) the death of Net Neutrality b) bandwidth throttling and c) intergalactic threats from Skrulltopia. Turns out I was right about two of the causes.
‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ poster is all, irreverent and s**t
YeahIknoweveryoneandtheirmom has already seen this poster, okay? Kiss my ass and write my lesson plans for me if you’re going to bring that critique hammer down on my squash! Still, it’s gnarly as fuck and frankly I want to wank off to it with you folks.
Hit the jump to see it (again)!
The MARS ROVER photographed from space. Red Planet Perspective++
The Big Eye in the Sky ain’t limited to spying on homeless dudes in the streets, our dongs in our houses, and the wild packs of Werewolves that dominate the suburbs on weekends. No ma’am! It’s also got its eye on the Mars Opportunity Rover, making sure it doesn’t discover the secret Illuminati base on Mars. Scary, right? But there’s a bonus! We get wild pictures like this.
Marvel down to four directors for ‘DOCTOR STRANGE’ flick
Marvel’s Phrase Something-Such (P3? P4?) is going to include a Doctor Strange movie. Why? ‘Cause we will see it, it’ll make money, and then Disney and Marvel will sixty-nine. A glorious, neck muscle-pulling 69, while Winnie the Pooh and Captain America pour gold-laced baby oil over the two companies.
But uh — Doctor Strange news.
Shinji Mikami admits GENESIS VERSION OF ‘ALADDIN’ is tots superior
Thing I did not know: The Shinji Mikami was behind the SNES version of Aladdin. Thing I did know: The SNES version was blah central, while the Genesis version was not fucking optional. Apparently even Mikami knows this.
Space Swoon: Tarantula Nebula is hyperactive spider in our galactic hood
Hey kids! Do you want to learn about the Tarantula Nebula? Why, it’s enormous as fuck, active as fuck, and generally has been known to swagger through the cosmos with a bravado described as “The Rock meets Gandhi meets the Grim Reaper.” Hey, don’t ask me. I didn’t come up with it.
‘GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY’ Promo Clip: Hear Rocket Raccoon go full Cooper
Bradley Cooper as Rocket Raccoon is weird. Not at all what I’d picture, want, or cast. But hey whatever it is more Guardians material to sci-wank over.
