Behold Mardji, the most famous of all god damn Asian elephants ever. Actually, I have no idea if that’s correct. But Mardji was the elephant tasked with playing a motherfuckin’ bantha in good ole A New Hope. This shit is confusing, because I always thought that banthas were real, and just went instinct over the last twenty years or so, along with the wookie and the Salacious Crumb. Shit is getting complicated in my life.

Hit the jump for more pictures of Mardji in her bantha glory.

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The Human Abstract’s Digital Veil is set for a 2011 release. While their sophomore effort was lackluster, I have faith that the return of guitarist A.J. Minette will bode well. If the teaser is any indication, I think we’re all in for a treat.

This is Press Start! Weekly column where I run down five things that caught my eye in gaming this week. Shut the door, take off your pants, say a prayer, and let’s do this.

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#1: Running With A Shotgun Doesn’t Work In Real Life. Fuck.
It’s an incontrovertible fact: the shotgun is the greatest weapon conceived in any video game. It’s implementation in any game makes you feel like the baddest motherfucker in the world. A properly balanced shotgun blast to the tits of any enemy makes me feel, momentarily, like I may have a masculine bone in my body.

It’s awesome.

That’s why I was pretty bummed out to come across this news report that informs fellow gamers that you cannot run and gun in real life with a shotgun. How many times have I found myself running backwards, mowing down a horde of zombies? And how many of those times was I pretty sure I was prepping for the forthcoming zombie apocalypse? Figured I could just flip that shit into some training. But apparently it doesn’t work.

One gamer by the name of Bob Ruff did some serious research for all of us. Let’s see what Bob had to say:

I took my shotgun into a grassy field in an abandoned warehouse and then tried running backward at full speed and shooting at a target I had pinned to a broom handle and thrust into a bucket full of earth.

The result of this experiment was that I fell backwards about 70% of the time and injured both my back and my skull.

Amazing. So Bob-O went into an abandoned field, and continuously tried to run and shoot a shotgun. I love the fact that despite it not working the first time and that his experiment was hurting his back and skull, in the name of gaming science, he continued to test it. I mean, you don’t want to get a false positive, right? So he tried the experiment. Over, and over. If I could have only seen this dude, running backwards and getting his ass propelled by the shotgun blast, my day would have been complete.

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#2: Someone page Nietzsche, Beyond Good & Evil Returns In HD
Beyond Good & Evil is a legit cult title. Dropped back in the middle of last decade, played by almost no one, worshiped by almost everyone who did. I dug the fuck out of it, passed it around my group of friends like a polygonal floozy. We all moaned together. And then she was forgotten. Well! Last year came the ludicrously improbable news that BG&E was somehow getting a sequel. How was this possible? Who knows. Don’t ask, don’t tell, yo!

But this week, came the news that prior to the sequel dropping in Who Knows, 20Unsure, Ubisoft would be porting the original to HD. I couldn’t believe that shit. BG&E is up there with Half-Life 2 and Shadow of the Colossus with my total dickcrush titles of the last ten years, and I’m all too ready to play it in 1080P. Droppin’ on XBL and PSN as a download-only title, it’s giving everyone who missed this son of a bitch the opportunity to check it out.

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#3: Those Are Rob Liefeld’s Tits You’re Staring At
First off, click the picture to see Rob Liefeld in all his pure insanity. Despite his genius, I didn’t want to destroy form in order to convey it to you.

You back? Awesome. So, it’s no secret that I love Rob Liefeld. He’s pure teenage-boy hormonal insanity, even at the age of 43.He’s like the Ed Wood of 1990’s comic book artists. So this week, Penny Arcade did a comic to promote the upcoming game Comic Jumper. The comic strip was a butt-rubbing homage to Liefeld that I could love in all its insanity. In addition to the comic, Penny Arcade was giving away a 360 adorned in Comic Jumper artwork. How did you win it, though? You had to submit a picture of yourself striking a Liefeld-esque pose.

And that’s where the shit goes bananas. You see, Rob Liefeld himself entered the contest. With the picture above. How fucking awesome is that shit? An eerily lobsterfied Rob Liefeld taking a good humored jab at his own art style. You have to love the guy, if only because he’s so conscious of the noise surrounding his legacy. And not only that, but he’s not beyond posing with his tits hanging out, impressively toned but scorched body for the world to see.

Rob Liefeld, you are my hero.

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

I thought I was just reading a comic. You know, sitting and checking out some paneled narrative. But then it happened. I got to the end of the issue and my heart was beating and sweat was dripping from my brow. I grasped my bosom and shrieked delight.

Casanova mindfucked me. And it was glorious.

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A mere 20 light years away lies Gliese 581g. Or is it rotates? Gliese 581g is apparently habitable. I hateto   get excited about this shit, but then the geek-porn potential overwhelms me and I begin writhing in ecstasy. Still though, it’s probably a load of god damn scientific voodoo! Like gravity! And the electric razor!

io9:

The planet, found by astronomers at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and the Carnegie Institution of Washington, is orbiting in the middle of the “habitable zone” of the red dwarf star Gliese 581, which means it could have water on its surface.

Liquid water and an atmosphere are necessary for a planet to possibly sustain life, even it it might not be a great place to live, the scientists said.

The scientists determined that the planet, which they have called Gliese 581g, has a mass three to four times that of Earth and an orbital period of just under 37 days.

Its mass indicates that it is probably a rocky planet and has enough gravity to hold on to an atmosphere, according to Steven Vogt, professor of astronomy and astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and one of the leaders of the team that discovered the planet.

Jesus Christ! Science speak is as bad as politician banter! So, pretty much they may have found something that is potentially possessing the possibility of having water. Wellllll, I suppose that’s a start, right?

[Views From The Space-Ship, aka Desktop Tuesdays, aka Desktop Thursdays  is a (theoretically) weekly column where show you my worlds. Both real and virtual. Then, I invite you to share your own worlds in the comments!]

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[DEFEAT. is Rendar Frankenstein’s truest attempt at fiction.   Presented in weekly episodes, the novella tells the tale of Daryl Millar – a hero who dies at the intersection of pop culture, science-fiction, war epic, and fantasy]

A man is not a champion until he gazes into the eyes of his greatest adversary.

A champion is not a hero until he unflinchingly fights a battle that cannot be won.

A hero is not a legend until he is dead, buried, and more favorably misremembered.

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Welcome to the world of Variant Covers. A world filled with spandex, and word-bubbles, and juvenile-escape for overgrown children. (Namely, me.) Here are the things I’ll be checking out this week, including a couple of titles I’m looking to add to my list.

Casanova #3
To try and explain Matt Fraction’s Casanova is an effort in futility. The third issue of the series’ reprinting on the Marvel label Icon drops this week, and I’m pumped. I never got to read the first fourteen issues of the comic as they were released back in the day, so the whole universe is new to me. The comic is nothing short of mind-warping. The sort of comic that demands you read it with care, which is an effort for someone with a dwindling attention span like myself. But the pay-off is worth it. It’s James Bond meets Interdimensional Espionage Meets Really Awkward Erotic moments featuring your sister from another dimension?

In some of the more uncomfortable moments in recent comic books reading for me, Casanova gets macked on by his sister…from another dimension. What exactly is the protocol on this one? Like, she’s the sister of the you from a different dimension, so it’s not really you, is it? I have no idea. I wish I was still in school, I’d love to have been able to bring this up to my Social Ethics professor.

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Action Comics #893
I was one of the dudes who wrote off Action Comics back when Lex Luthor became character motivating the title. No Clark Kent? Why even fucking bother? It makes sense, right? Well apparently, the comic book is good. Really good. Naturally. Like in all aspects of my life, I should isolate my initial response, and do the exact opposite. Paul Cornell takes the Bald Headed Wunder into combat with a giant ape this month, apparently. And if that isn’t enough for me to jump aboard, what the fuck is?

Wait! I have the answer to that. It was rhetorical.

Action Comics features a back-up story featuring Jimmy Olsen. Now, I normally wouldn’t think much of that either. I’ve never had much love for the guy. Not that I despise him. Just a calm, persistent apathy that manifests itself in barely remembering he exists. But over at Comics Alliance, they reviewed the back-up, and they loved it. Now I’m beginning to pay attention.

But wait, there’s more!

You see, this back-up story features none other than Chloe Sullivan. Yeah, the chick Clark grew up with on the show Smallville. It’s some weird intermedia exchange going on. Jimmy Olsen was created on the Superman radio show. Now he’s starring in a comic book, with a character who was created in a Superman television show. Maybe that isn’t as impressive to you as it is to me. But I’m easily amused.

So I’m jumpin’ aboard the Action Comics train this week. We’ll see how it goes.

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Secret Warriors #20
The new storyline kicks off this week in Secret Warriors, and god dammit I’m grabbing on to the train this time. I don’t know how I have put off checking out this comic book for so long. It’s got the god damn Jonathan Hickman penning it, for Christ’s sake! More than likely? More than likely I didn’t know who the dude was, prior to finding his work on Fantastic Four to be skull-blasting. But between F4 and S.H.I.E.L.D, the dude is penning two of my favorite titles right now.

Why not roll the dice on Secret Warriors? I foresee only awesome in my future, should I chose to do so.

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What are you guys checking out this week?

Via.