Fear Fest: Skynet! The Robots Will Kill Us All. Wear Our Flesh As Jokes.
OCTOBER 19th, Skynet
“If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.”
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Today’s fear comes from the concept of the automation of our society. Skynet is the name I’ve given to the increasing trust we put in machines. To expand the concept, you could even get into the compartmentalization of our society. Individually we’re becoming more and more useless. As we glorify and reward frivolous positions like stock brokers, investment bankers, pediatricians, and hedge fund managers, we become more and more disconnected to real world necessities. Ok, maybe we need pediatricians, but I’m still bitter about that whole needle thing.
Let’s face it, we’re a bureaucratic mess. In most places you can’t scratch your ass without filing for three permits. And where are those permits kept? You guessed it, computers. One day soon the machines will revolt, I just hope you all are as ready as I am.
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I can’t blame you if you associate stars with burning hot churning pinnacles of oblivion. However, sometimes they’re fucking cold. Like really cold. WD 0806-661 B is a brown star that may be colder than the human body.
Ken Levine Talks About ‘BioShock’ And Its Crappy Final Boss, Handling The Conclusion In ‘Infinite’.
I can’t remember the final boss in BioShock, though I can remember the conflict with Andrew Ryan. This is clearly a problem, and one that Ken Levine is all too aware of. This is a good thing. Levine recently spoke to Joystiq about the shitty finale in the original BioShock, and how they’re handling the conclusion to Infinite.
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#OccupyCoruscant: Luke Skywalker Is The 99%.
(Click image to enlarge. Via: Boing Boing.)
100 Year-Old Dude Runs Marathon. Fat Americans Confused.
Fauja Singh just ran a marathon. He’s 100 years old. I, along with the other cheese-product covered, beer-swilling Americans are absolutely confounded. How is he even alive, or at least not confines to bombing around Walmart in one of those sweet motorized carriages?
Here’s how.
OCTOBERFEAST – Gremlins 2
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
It was during the 1984 OCTOBERFEAST that an elderly Chinese bro stumbled into the fairgrounds and changed the celebration forever. Inside the basket this Chinese sage carried with him was a creature called a Mogwai, which was bequeathed unto the OCTOBERFEAST itself. All that the man requested was that three simple rules be followed:
– Never expose it to bright light.
– Never get it wet.
– Never feed it after midnight.
Of course, the revelers were too hammered to understand the dude’s thick Sino-accent, and so the poor Mogwai ended up succumbing to light, water, and midnight snacks. Gremlins ran amok, and much fun was had!
It seemed as though it’d be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, and we were confident that we’d never have to worry about Gremlin-invasions again.
Boy, were we wrong.
In1990, the OCTOBERFEAST was once again overrun by Gremlins! Only this time, the creatures were of an entirely new batch, capable of far more charming parodies and subtler urban-warfare tactics. This event, hilarious and terrifying as it was, is now referred to as Gremlins 2 by the history books.
Virgin Has Opened The First Commercial Spaceport. Mars, I Come To Thee!
Richard Branson has opened the first commercial fucking spaceport in the solar system. Galaxy? Maybe. Universe? Of course not! They probe me and laugh! Oh, they laugh. No seriously though, this is pretty fucking sweet.
Marvel Releases Second ‘Fantastic Four #600’ Teaser Featuring Black Bolt.
Marvel’s dropped a second teaser for Fantastic Four #600, this time featuring Black Bolt. Hickman, the original Family, an enormous issue. I have a feeling this shit is going to be tremendous.
Hit the jump to check it out.
Medieval Cosplayer Parents Forced Daughter To Wear Armor, Fight Stepfather.
Listen man, don’t fuck around with cosplayers. Especially those of the medieval persuasion. They take their shit seriously. For example: a 16 year-old girl was forced to dress up, don the sacred armor, and fight her stepfather. The parents totally didn’t get arrested or anything.
Right?
Mark Millar and Dave Gibbons Team Up For ‘Secret Service’. What A Waste Of Gibbons’ Talent.
Dave Gibbons is a fucking legend. Mark Millar is a guy who used to write good comic books but now is generally a sensationalist self-fellating fucking idiot. A couple of years ago their teaming up would have excited me, now I’m just hoping Gibbons will make some good money out of this.
Hit the jump for info on this bullshit.
