#Miscellaneous
Fear Fest: Mutually Assured Destruction, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
OCTOBER 31st, Mutually Assured Destruction, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
“War …
War never changes…
Since the dawn of human kind, when our ancestors first discovered the killing path with rock and bone, blood has been spilled in the name of everything, from God, to justice, to simple psychotic rage.”
-Ron Pearlman as the Narrator of Fallout
Here we are. We made it. I’m not going to lie, I fully expected to quit halfway through this thing. Through trials and tribulations, I managed to hang on. So here we go the final fear of Fear Fest.
MAD or Mutually Assured Destruction refers to a scenario in which one super power launches their nuclear stock pile. This creates a chain reaction that causes a retaliatory strike from one or more countries. If this happened between the US and Russia, there would be no need to include any other countries. We’d crack the Earth like an egg.
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THIS WEEK ON Dexter: The Angel of Death.
Is anything going on in this season of Dexter? Is there ice on the tarmac? What the fucking is going on. I couldn’t believe when I heard that this was the fifth episode of the season. It’s a yawntacular batch of nothingness. It’s the television equivalent of entropy. It isn’t good, it isn’t bad. It’s just…there.
OCTOBERFEAST – Christopher Lee
Lo! The vortex on the horizon – do you see it? Surely you must! It’s a gargantuan cyclone, an indomitable mass of swirling purple and orange and black. Those protesters who’ve spent the last month screaming at the revelers, naysaying and posturing themselves above the traditions of candied-chaos? Well, they’ll be summarily swept away, fallen victim to the natural disaster that’s been summoned by the OCTOBERFEAST celebrants to end the festival most tempestuously.
It’s the Tornado of Souls.
Look closer! At the top of the soul-storm is a wicker chair, stationery despite its position. The twister slowly diminishes as makes its way towards the campgrounds, giving all present parties a better view of both the chair and the individual sitting in it. He is aged but regal. Grey-haired but black-hearted. Avuncular but assailing.
Riding into the grand finale of the OCTOBERFEAST on a goddamn tornado-chair, this is figure represents evil incarnate in a way no other ever has.
This man is Christopher Lee. And he’s responsible for more cinematic villainy than anyone else on the planet.
THIS WEEK ON The Walking Dead: Save the Last One
We start this week’s episode with a simple scene. Shane is shaving his head like it’s his first day in Leavenworth and he wants to suck up to the white supremacists. Its short, it’s concise and it sends a clear message; “This is where the episode will end up.” Then we are greeted with another voice over. Rick is telling Lori a story about how Shane was a pimp in high school and he got all the ladies. Great, he was O’Bannon, we get it, stop with the voice overs, you’re not Michael Westin. This episode dealt with more storylines than any previous ones, so there was a lot of jumping around. Because of that, this write up will also be jumping around, try to keep up.
Fear Fest: Irrational Fears! Or, That Chair Wants To Kill You.
OCTOBER 30th, Irrational Fears
“I think it would be very foolish not to take the irrational seriously.”
-Jeanette WInterson
Today we’re going to switch gears a bit. For the past month I’ve been picking one fear per day and running with that. Today we’ll quickly look at some irrational fears. I mean like the really weird fears … the kind that make you laugh. The kind of fears that when someone says they have it, you reply incredulously and probably lose a friendship. So, let’s dive right in.
OCTOBERFEAST – Roasted Pumpkin Seeds
[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]
If you ain’t ready for a snack on this penultimate day of the OCTOBERFEAST, then you haven’t been partying hard enough. But if you count yourself amongst the hordes of mischievous maniacs that’ve been on a month-long plastic-horror marathon, then you probably need some sustenance to get to Hallow’s Eve. If only just a handful of somethin’ or other.
Fortunately, today is the day for Heretical Confirmation known as Jack O’ Lantern carving. Yes, the day before Halloween is when many of the Feasters disembowel their pumpkins, recite the unholy words, and transform them into gourded sentries. While this rite is important in that it helps cast an orange glow over the conclusion of Satan’s Snacktime, it also yields a most appetizing byproduct.
Pumpkin seeds.
It’s hard to find a treat as intrinsically connected to the OCTOBERFEAST as roasted pumpkin seeds. Sure, apple pies and pumpkin pies and candy all certainly play their respective parts, but they also periodically pop up at other times of the year. But roasted pumpkin seeds? When was the last time you snacked on some of those sonovabitches at Christmas? Most likely, never. Which is a damn shame, because they’re crunchy and salty and fun as junk to make.
Tomorrow’s the day we’ve all been waiting for. Samhain. Hallow’s Eve. The Big Orange and Black Dance. Make sure that you’ve got enough energy to last through its day and night. So just as marathoners gorge on pasta the night before their twenty-six plus, make sure you chomp on pumpkin seeds until they stab your gums and make `em bleed.
Need a recipe? Look no further!
Artificial Blood Made From Bone Marrow Stem Cells? Science: Awesome.
Researches are working on a technique that could created artificial red blood cells from bone marrow stem cells. This is a good thing, because the Forthcoming Vampire Robot Economic Apocalypse will demand that we have food for the vampires, blood to sell, and spare juice for the wounded body parts.
Fear Fest: Vampires.
OCTOBER 29th, Vampires
“The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him.”
-Garrett Fort
Vampires are everywhere. They are in our movies, they are in our books, they are in our children’s programs, hell they even sell us breakfast cereals. Metaphorically speaking, these creatures have lost their teeth. However there was once a time when these majestic creatures were more feared than cancer and aids combined.
Press Start: Ken Levine Wants You To #OccupyRapture. It Never Ends.
This is the latest edition of Press Start. It’s also the latest edition to be late. What more can I say? Regardless, this is the gaming column where I give a rundown of the shite that I came across in the World of First Person Proxy Murder and Motion-Controlled Assholery.Top five something such conceit gimmick yadda yadda. Essentially the internet foyer equivalent of a video game shit shooting wunderfest. Let us blah. Let us blah together.
Fear Fest: Ventriloquist Dolls!
OCTOBER 28th, Ventriloquist Dolls
“Blessed be Providence which has given to each his toy: the doll to the child, the child to the woman, the woman to the man, the man to the devil! ’”
-Victor Hugo
First off, if you don’t think that these dummies are scary, something is wrong with you. Plain and simple. Philip K. Dick wrote a book by the name of “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” Well, I can’t answer that, but these dolls do in fact dream of strangling you with piano wire. I’m not suggesting that you have to have full blown automatonophobia (fear of dummies, and wax or animatronic figures), you should at least be wary around them.
