I like stories.

Maybe that’s a nonsensical thing to write — not worth the energy required to move my fingers onto the keyboard. After all, who doesn’t love a good yarn? The sharing of narratives is one of the few (virtually) universal aspects of humanity. Even through differing perspectives, goals and messages, all tribes of Planet Earth are united by a proclivity for storytelling.

The thing is – I really like stories. If I’ve enjoyed something I’ve read, it’s only a matter of time before I revisit the pages. I’ve spent countless hours (probably days, at this point) discussing and debating movies with my friends. And I’m currently toying with the idea of teaching high school English not because of a fondness for grammar, but because of a genuine belief in the power of narrative.

Some stories are so affective that they keep me up at night, warding off the sandman until I’ve scribbled some quasi-coherent notes. And these are the tales I like best — the ones that want you to keep working, peeling away a bit of skin before getting to taste the fruit. I don’t consider myself a snob and definitely think there’s something to be said for straight-forward stories told in a straight-forward manner; but who doesn’t like finding a prize at the bottom of the cereal box?

With this stance in mind, it is no mystery as to why I’ve always been a fan of the concept album. First and foremost, the product is a musical collection and therefore is designed for audio-pleasure. But unlike “standard” albums, the listener may then elect to dig deeper, using the lyrics, booklet and artwork to reveal a story. While this format is a staple of the prog-rock world I once swore allegiance to (Hey, we all make mistakes), it is hardly confined to a single genre.

Finally getting to the matter at hand, I present Defeater’s Lost Ground — a refutation the concept album as it has come to be known. There are no synthesizers, ballads about dark wizards, or masturbatory instrumental sections that make you scream “THIS SONG HAS BEEN ON FOR THIRTY-SEVEN MINUTES WHEN THE FUCK DOES IT END?!?!” While my favorite album of all-time may very well be a fair target for such criticism, Defeater manages to avoid the pitfalls. So whereas double-lengths like  The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway and Quadrophenia popularized the concept album, Lost Ground reimagines its purpose.

In fact, Lost Ground is a six-song EP that comes into your room, tells you what’s up, and then gets out despite your pleading for more. Musically, I suppose the second release of the Boston-based group would be considered something along the lines of melodic hardcore. While there are definitely hard-hitting sections of soaring guitars and pounding drums, there are also many moments in which there is clarity, a refined levelheadedness. For instance, the introduction to The Bite and Sting sees an exchange of bass and guitar, a teasing that helps to build anticipation. This tension is furthered by the verses, in which soft staccato guitar is cleverly doubled over with a clicking on the rim of a drum. By the time the chorus hits, the listener feels liberation, a rejoicing at the prospect of open chords!

In terms of musical  narrativity, the EP is actually a complement to Defeater’s first effort, Travels. Summarily, the band’s debut    tells of one man’s journey away from life he hates and his unavoidable return home  for a final confrontation. One of the highlights of that disc is Prophet in Plain Clothes, a track about a bum who sings his songs of woe. Lost Ground, in turn, is actually an exploration of the Prophet –  chronicling his life as a young African American who decides to enlist in the Army for World War II. Horrors are witnessed, the post-war celebration is less-than-ideal, and we learn why it is that this man sleeps in barrooms.

Thematically, I think Lost Ground is an improvement over Travels. Maybe it’s because of the groundwork laid on the first album, but I find myself sympathizing much more with the narrator on this EP than I do with the one on the full-length. Furthermore,  Derek Archambault’s delivers his vocals in such a way as to actually convince the listener that he was in the trenches, fighting  Germans in the Second Big One. I think the artwork is a step above too, with the inclusion of a propaganda poster which depicts the misleading means by which blacks may have been enlisted. My only complaint about Lost Ground is that it isn’t a full-length, but I suppose a band can consider a release successful if it leaves people wanting more.

I’m not sure if Lost Ground is a World War II period piece that rocks my socks off or just an EP that happens to be historical fiction — but in either case, I’m better for having listened to it.

Give it a spin.

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There’s some amazing search engine terms today. Let’s see:

• Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn trap rape : Dude, rape isn’t cool.
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• Modern Warfare AWEFULL Scene : I’m fine with it

But most importantly, “Why didn’t Giles Corey Answer In Court?”

Why? Because he was the fucking man.

Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot… But what of the man? I know his name was Guy Fawkes and I know, in 1605, he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament. But who was he really? What was he like? We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I’ve witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I’ve seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them… but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it… ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love… And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man… A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget.

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I can’t spend much time on this post – Halloween is callin’ my name! But I just wanted to make sure that OL represented this video in some way. Truly the best Star Wars related happening since 1983.  Before watching, just realize that you will never see something as amazing afterward.

[(Ewoks+Alcohol) x (Karate+Moon Walk)] x Live Television=

So here it is, the Halloween Episode of OCTOBERFEAST. Rather than diving right into the concluding entry, I just want to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. For real — this holiday is such a blast and I really feel bad for anyone who can’t enjoy it. I just spent the afternoon at the Bruins/Oilers game with Caffeine Powered & our cousin, and I saw children and adults alike dressed in various costumes. Behind a Skrull mask, I realized that it really takes a true asshole to be against a day dedicated to dressing up, eating candy, and celebrating. While watching the Bruins emerge victorious was enjoyable, the real entertainment came from spotting Hulk Hogan, Darth Vader, the Super Mario Brothers and other heroes  in the crowd.

The occult, theatrics, and potentially subversive messages have weaved their way into the fabric of rock & roll. Heavy music seems to be one of the few venues in which it is not only accepted but expected that Satan is embraced in one form or another. Unfortunately, most of the well-known bearers of rock’s horror-torch are more style than substance.

KISS? Don’t even get me started on these guys. Any time that someone suggests that they even qualify as heavy metal, I get a stomach cramp and have to use the restroom. Knights In Satan’s Service? Heaven’s on Fire? Bah! Don’t make me puke. This guys are nothing more than merchandisers who use shitty music to push the product.

Alice Cooper? Marilyn Manson? Sorry, but since I’m not thirteen years old I’m not falling for your tricks. Yes, Alice, I know that singing about school being out forever is a great way to start summer vacation. But as far as being a dark shepherd of the underworld…something tells me that  he lacks credibility. And as far as Cooper’s successor/rival, Marilyn Manson — I just don’t buy it.

Amidst a slew of half-baked, barely worthwhile horror-themed rockers stands one man and his music. Yes, he certainly dabbles in supernatural themes such as witchcraft, ghosts, Satan, hauntings, religious corruption, madness, and the like. But this performer has always surrounded himself with excellent personnel, thereby backing up his ghoulish persona with legitimately rocking tunes. Really, if you consider yourself a fan of heavy metal you should probably own at least one of his records.

No, I’m not talking about Ozzy — the man of the hour is the one and only KING DIAMOND.

King Diamond is a goddamn force of nature. Shrouded by spooky black & white makeup, Diamond has commanded the stage for both his own eponymous band and its predecessor, Mercyful Fate. With these outfits, King Diamond takes the listener through twisting tales of depravity and terror, often requiring an entire album to do so. Take, for instance, King Diamond’s The Eye, which tells an interwoven tale of witch-hunts and sexual assault committed by Church officials. Thematically, there is no question that King Diamond is a champion of OCTOBERFEAST.

More importantly, though, is King Diamond’s vocal proficiency. The King assumes various roles throughout his songs, sometimes speaking as a creepy grandma, an executioner, a priest, or even a child. Although a master of this sort of performance-vocal, King Diamond also belts out a falsetto wail of which banshees can only dream. King Diamond has set a standard of screeching to metal that modern bands can only match with extensive assistance from Pro-Tools.

King Diamond’s influence on the world of heavy metal is undeniable. Anyone that believes King Diamond to be unappreciated within the metal world just needs to remember the showcase he was  given on 2005’s Roadrunner United. Injecting technicality into good songwriting and combining it with a thick slice of macabre, King Diamond has created an amazing body of work. I strongly suggest that you check out Abigail, “Them” and The Eye.

To rock out — watch the first video, a live rendition of the title track Abigail.

To be creeped out — watch the second video, King Diamond explaining a portion of The Puppet Master.

Through all of its events, OCTOBERFEAST has been a commemoration of not only pop culture’s most terrifying and vile aspects, but the genuine joy derived from them as well. Just as Young Frankenstein illustrates, the combination of horror and comedy creates a synergy only rivaled by peanut butter and chocolate. But as much as I love Mel Brooks’ monster-movie homage, it is essentially a comedy that happens to use horror characters. In  truth, there exists a more even balance of horror/comedy/adventure.

Perhaps the best example of this cinematic joint-effort is Army of Darkness. Sam Raimi’s 1992 movie is the third (and best) part of the Evil Dead Trilogy. This concluding chapter picks up right where Evil Dead 2 left off — Ash, a man who has battled the possessed corpses of former friend on two occasions, has been transported to Medieval England. In order to return from the year 1300 CE, Ash has to retrieve the Necronomicon (the book of the dead featured in both predecessors). Of course, this means getting involved with warring bands of knights and battling the undead.

While this may sound like a decent flick in and of itself, the beauty of Army of Darkness is found in the protagonist Ash Williams. Unlike most heroes, Ash is kind of an asshole; he runs his mouth, tells people off, and is always trying to help himself out. Take, for example, his response to the once-possessed Sheila’s attempt to apologize for her former actions: “First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.” Such one-liners, delivered by the amazing Bruce Campbell, are nothing short of genius.

Shit. Forgive me if I’m backpedaling here, but I feel like I need to pause for clarification. Ash is great not only because he’s a charming douchebag, but because he pushes the limits of ridiculous. Just contemplate this — when first appearing in Army of Darkness, Ash has a chainsaw attached to his hand. Also, he is a big fan of his shotgun, to which he lovingly refers as a boomstick. Observe the following:

But Ash isn’t the only redeeming quality of the movie. Army of Darkness succeeds in its willingness not to take itself too seriously. Sure, there are monsters and dead bodies and all that creepy stuff. But everything in the movie is treated with a slapstick sensibility; as a result, the entertainment value is doubled, as every scary monster evokes waves of hearty laughter that is usually only heard during Three Stooges episodes. The cheesy, campy nature of Army of Darkness puts it a step above others, showcasing the fact that the movie is first and foremost intended to entertain.

I’m fairly certain that I haven’t done Army of Darkness justice. But if you believe in the power of OCTOBERFEAST, you can believe in this movie. I mean, seriously, there are lines like Yo, she-bitch! Let’s Go! & Hail to the king, baby.

Tonight is Halloween Eve — I plan on watching Army of Darkness. You should too.

In the last few decades, the scientific community has come to a general consensus regarding OCTOBERFEAST: Goth-kids love Halloween. While their dark wardrobes, crummy poems, and pasty complexions are usually frowned upon, Hallow’s Eve provides Goth-kids a rare chance to flaunt their woe-is-me approach to existence. I guess this is a good societal release valve, providing a safe outlet so that real mistakes are not made.

So sure, we concede a bit of a loss during OCTOBERFEAST. We allow each teen inaccurately diagnosed with depression to wear a different Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie every day. We put up with thirty-one days of ghetto-blasters blaring Boys Don’t Cry and overzealous students begging us to attend the Drama Club’s performance of whatever. And for an entire month, we understand that staying out of Hot Topic is a decision made to ensure physical safety.

But all these concessions are made so that the inmates don’t overtake the asylum that is OCTOBERFEAST. In reality, there is some pretty cool Gothic-inspired shit in the world. In addition to his rampant alcohol and drug abuse, Edgar Allen Poe should be commended for his body of work. Despite writing in the Gothic style, Poe gave us fucking classics like The Fall of the House of Usher, The Tell-Tale Heart and The Raven. So by giving the weirdos a month-long recess, they can be marginalized the rest of the year; and as result, they don’t completely taint the world of Gothic entertainment.

While Poe is one worthy representative of the American Gothic, he is trumped by a Brooklyn-based powerhouse. This entity has demonstrated that you can be into glum shit without being a totally despondent a-hole. The band at hand manages to sing about girlfriends’ girlfriends, asking a girl to be a druidess, and being set on fire in a strangely energetic and uplifting manner.

In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m referring to Type O Negative.

Type O Negative’s special brand of metal distinguishes itself by incorporating morbid lyrics into doom-and-gloom music. For instance, the creepy keyboards sound more like an old-school organ played in a cathedral where priests trains for exorcisms. On top of these are guitars that vary between ambient, groovin’, chuggy, or even thrashy. But perhaps most identifiable are Peter Steele’s low, brooding vocals.

Take all of the above attributes and use them to serenade a Goth girl. The result?

Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-All)

This is one of Type O Negative’s most well-known tunes, and with good reason. Musically, the eleven-minute track oscillates between straight-ahead verses, poppy sing-a-long choruses, hard hitting sections of hate, and truly beautiful bridges. Oh, and they also manage to sneak in the theme to The Addams Family.

Most appropriate for the OCTOBERFEAST, however, are Steele’s lyrics. At times, Black No. 1 seems to be a real love fest for freaky-ass, pale girls. And then, the song turns on a dime with declarations that loving the woman in question “Was like loving the dead/ Was like fucking the dead.” Surely, not what I’m planning to drunkenly croon at my wedding but pretty fucking awesome.

For a better idea of the song’s theme, check out this excerpt:

I went looking for trouble
And boy
I found her…

She’s in love with herself.
She likes the dark
On her milk white neck.
The Devil’s mark.

It’s all Hallows Eve.
The moon is full.
Will she trick or treat?
I bet she will.

She will.

Happy Halloween.

She’s got a date at midnight
With Nosferatu.
Oh baby, Lily Munster.
Ain’t got nothing on you.

Well when I called her evil
She just laughed.
And cast that spell on me.
Boo Bitch Craft.

Yeah you wanna go out
’cause it’s raining and blowing.
You can’t go out
’cause your roots are showing.

Dye ’em black.

Fuck it, I’m making a huge decision: consider Black No. 1 the official theme of OCTOBERFEAST. So in the next few days, take every opportunity to blast this tune as loud as possible while stuffing candy corn into your face.

Albeit an abridged version, check out the music video for Black No. 1: