[Source: Gamefreaks]

Now, a zombie stormtrooper makes sense. Why? ‘Cause typically, these motherfuckers are useless. They get mowed down like pieces of shit by any enterprising farmboy with some glowing phallic object or blaster. Useless. Fucking, useless. It all makes sense in retrospect, considering they’re clones of some dumb ass bastard named Jango, but still.

So! Take them fuckers, make them zombies! That way when they get plowed through like senseless chaff, they can just get back up! What’s an arm or a leg or a head wound when you’re the undead? Fuggin’ nothin, that’s what.

This is a few days old, but I hope you’ll forgive me. For starters, I make it a point to take the weekends off from continual internet refreshing and posting. Consider it my downtime. Of course, the internet doesn’t sleep, and shit happens. And secondly, when I read this shit, I blacked-out. I woke up in a puddle of my own corn-heavy vomit. Just gallons and gallons of corn-filled puke. All over my body. My eyes were red, my mind was certain: there is no God.

Why? [Rumor] George Lucas is apparently making three more Star Wars movies.

Slashfilm:

IESB — who has been known to have connections at Lucasfilm in the past — is currently reporting that Lucas is “plotting to create” new Star Wars movies which would be released after the six three 3D re-releases and would take place far in the future, not relating to the Skywalkers. More after the jump? You bet we do.

In the IESB piece, they back up their source by informing readers that they broke the news of Revenge of the Sith’s PG-13 rating, the live action TV show as well as The Clone Wars show. They believe that’s enough to substantiate the rumor.

Specifically, they report that while working on the 3D conversions of the new films, which will begin in 2012 with Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Lucas “has gotten the itch.” He has “gotten motivated with the success the Clone Wars animated series, the video games and also with the success of Avatar.”

The sequels, not prequels, would not focus on the Skywalkers, but instead be set in the future. Same universe, but totally different story. By doing this, Lucas doesn’t have to fit pieces into a puzzle like he had to do with the prequels. And he has stated that that process was creatively constricting to him.

Well fuck me sideways, with an ignited lightsaber. You should have seen the look of pure terror when I told Pepsibones this news. He was fresh off a great weekend of drinking heavily and celebrating his birthday. It was a weekend of merriment. I almost felt guilt letting him know that in fact, our childhood was going to get spread, and fucked ruthlessly once more. His eyes darkened, and fear filled the parts of his soul he wished not to acknowledge existed. His innocence, which he had long thought dead, or at least outright denied.

Fuck George Lucas. Let me be clear about something. I don’t hate the idea of more Star Wars content in any form if it’s done right. I hate the idea of George Lucas making any more Star Wars content. If this rumor had “Del Toro” or “Spielberg” or “Jackson” or “Blomkamp” attached to it, I’d be losing my god damn shit with glee. It’s the fact that, if this is true, fat Lucas will be bumbling and raping his own mythos again. And that ladies and gentleman, makes me very, very afraid.

I have puke to wipe up.

Ah, easter eggs! I’ve never actually found one, but I’ve always imagined myself stumbling across one and feeling like a fucking boss. But I don’t. However, a Kotaku reader was playing thorugh New Vegas when he stumbled upon the very corpses of those dumb asses Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. You know, the selfish pigs who wouldn’t let Luke go pursue his dreams. According to the article, the corpses of these two assholes holding back the god damn dopest, whiniest Jedi ever, can be found on the dusty trail outside of Nipton. I’m there!

Source: Super Punch

Holy good lord, look at this nerd bonery. An R2D2 bathing suit. I am already far too lucky to have my girlfriend. Like, really lucky. There’s not many women out there willing to deal with my desire to stuff video games into my pants, or rip farts in warm cars in the middle of the winter, or the fact that I get crumbs and fluids all over myself. I don’t know if staying with me makes her a saint, or a god damn fool. Or maybe both. So knowing how lucky I am, I’m not going to even try to get her to wear this. But my imagination? Yes, it runs wild.

Debate over.

Han never rocked this hard.

I didn’t play the first Force Unleashed, nor do I anticipate picking up the second one. However, these two trailers they’ve released for the game are enough to get my lightsaber ignited and pulsing in the darkness of my room. Underneath my Star Wars comforter.

These trailers, much like the Clone Wars cartoon (and maybe the CGI spin-off, I don’t know) remind me that there’s a pretty sexy gorgeous universe out there to be tilled, by anyone with some talent. That doesn’t mean you, George Lucas. Let someone else make something dope as fuck, please? Preferably Del Toro. You know, since I’m in fantasy land.

Hit the jump for the trailers. They’re pretty righteous.

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Behold Mardji, the most famous of all god damn Asian elephants ever. Actually, I have no idea if that’s correct. But Mardji was the elephant tasked with playing a motherfuckin’ bantha in good ole A New Hope. This shit is confusing, because I always thought that banthas were real, and just went instinct over the last twenty years or so, along with the wookie and the Salacious Crumb. Shit is getting complicated in my life.

Hit the jump for more pictures of Mardji in her bantha glory.

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Via.

Source: Mike Mitchell via Gamefreaks