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If you’re not careful, you may wind up a regular, boring person. You’ll sip only from bottles of regular, boring mind-juice. Your blood will never boil, whether in contempt or jubilation, at the sight of any unscheduled programming. You will never swing your Existential Monster Truck over the double-lines, crushing regular, boring soul-vessels in the process. In fact, you’ll just become mired in the homogeneous muck of mediocrity.

Forever.

Because that’s what THEY want.

Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! This weekly post is my excuse to ramble and then show you how I’ll be keeping my (in)sanity via entertainment. After I puff, I’m going to pass – hit up the comments section and share what you’ll be doing in the upcoming days.

Let’s rawk.

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I knew Lucas wouldn’t play us like that. I knew the prequels weren’t his doing. This video is blowing up right now because it’s true. This is what happened.

In all seriousness, this is cute, funny stuff and reinforces that amongst all the hate and cynicism, Star Wars fans are the best. WE are the best. Revenge of the Sith came out six years ago. That fact is enough to confirm that if Lucas didn’t have an unbreakable sense of humor, he would have committed suicide by now.

A good friend and Omegalyte with the  nom de existence Charlie passed this video to me. It’s none other than Chewbacca and an Ewok rocking the fuck out to Welcome to the Jungle by GnR at Star Wars Disney Wowiekazowie Day or whatever. More proof that as our culture implodes in on itself, we’re all in for a fucking treat.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Best goddamn grilled cheese in all the known systems.

I don’t know how long it’s been going on, but I noticed it last year. People are all over the “May The 4th” type Star Wars shit. I fucking love Star Wars. No manipulation of the originals, no shitty prequels, nothing can take away the glory that is stored in the heart of my little soul. Binary Sunset will forever give me goosebumps, and that motherfucking galaxy far, far away will never stop daring me to dream.

Happy May The 4th, fuckers.

[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]

It’s become the stuff of legend – as Star Wars neared the end of production, the pressure began to take its toll on George Lucas. The director found himself working round the clock and constantly worrying about the budget, doing everything in his power to finish the film he’d been imagining for years. Under this incredible strain, Lucas even believed that he suffered a heart attack.

The doctor assured George that he hadn’t had a proper attack, but was suffering from supreme exhaustion and hypertension. And so the film was finished.

The rest, as they say, is history.

But in this tale, it turns out that the ailments weren’t confined to fatigue and irregular blood pressure. George Lucas, despite being told otherwise, had in fact survived a heart attack. The motivation for the misdiagnosis? With so much on the line, both in terms of money and reputation, Twentieth Century Fox had greased the palm of Lucas’ physician, thereby ensuring that their product would be delivered.

Star Wars, of course, was a goddamn commercial and critical juggernaut. Lucas immediately began work on the sequel, and in 1980 The Empire Strikes Back was met with even more admiration. Personally and professionally, the USC alum was on top of the world.

But when it came time to finish the trilogy, George’s heart just couldn’t take it.

The bickering with Marcia climbed to new, more incendiary summits. George knew his wife was talented – hell, the whole world knew – but he couldn’t shake the feeling that his gut instincts were always the ones worth following. Love and work and sex made for a dangerous cocktail, and his home life was far from happy. In fact, it was pretty fucking terrible.

He and Stevie had barely finished their pet project when it was time to return to his space-epic. George was at a loss – he had some real, inspired ideas as to how the trilogy should conclude – like the serials of his childhood and the Spaghetti Westerns of his adolescence, this new movie should end on a somber, open-ended note. Perhaps the battle is won, but a new war looms on the horizon.

But he also knew what the studio executives were expecting. Cutesy. Cuddly. Lunchboxes and action figures. He was willing to bend, allowing for merchandise to made and marketed. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were trying to break him. They had come dangerously close to ruining him back in `78.

So on an October evening in 1981, when George Lucas felt those same chest pains he had experienced on the set of Star Wars, he put aside his notes and tried to relax, take his mind off the troubles at hand. He sat back in his recliner, rubbed his temples, closed his eyes, and tried to escape his woes.

George Lucas died at the age of 37.

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[face of a franchise presents two individuals that’ve fulfilled the same role. your task — choose the better of the two and defend your choice in the rancor pit that is the comments section]

In 1977, moviegoers were introduced to Darth Vader – an evil, robotic space-samurai capable of manipulating an invisible shroud of mystical energy that blankets the entire universe. Oh, and he also has a goddamn laser-sword.

In 1999, Jake Lloyd was given the opportunity to play the childhood incarnation of Darth Vader – a little boy named Anakin Skywalker. Lloyd comes across as an overly-optimistic, stiff, terribly scripted, and ultimately unaffecting playground-dweller.

In 2002 and 2005, Hayden Christensen took hold of the reins as he played the part of teenyboppin’ pre-Vader. Through his performances, Christensen proves that the Dark Lord of the Sith was once an unnecessarily moody, stiff, terribly scripted, and ultimately unsympathetic teenager.

It’s a question none of us want to think about…

Who’s better – Jake Lloyd or Hayden Christensen?

I can’t wait to see the comments on this one.

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Star Wars posters coming out of Hungary are a surreal mess. I’m not really certain what’s going on in them, and I’m actually pretty fucking stoked about it. It’s pretty much just Pyramid Darth Vader holding it down in the desert or some shit.

Hit the jump to check them out.

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(Star Wars + Spaghetti Western) x Sick Art

[Chris Hunt]

This time next week, I’ll be on vacation. I’m hopping on the first shuttle out of Hoth and heading towards the glorious Cloud City. Once there, I plan on drinking forties with Lando and crusin’ the skies with Lobot. To top it all off, my babe’s going to be accompanying me, providing the Leia necessary to complete my Han Solo fantasy.

As long as I don’t wind up frozen in carbonite, it’s going to be a good time.

Unfortunately, this week is going to see me wading knee-deep in work-caca. So until first transport is AWAY!, I’m going to keep my mind pacified with all sortsa goodies. Check out what I’ll be doing this week, then hit up the comments and tell me what you’ll use to pass the (space)time(continuum).

–-

Rockin’ / Devin Townsend Project – LIVE EP (Free)

[obtain]

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