Amazing, NFSW picture below the jump. I censor, because I want you to feel comfortable mindlessly refreshing us from your cubicles.

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I had the greatest idea yesterday. It involved a musical I’m going to put on. The star will be none other than my hero, the Martian. Aka Weezy F. Baby. It isn’t going to be an original production, but rather a reimagining of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Check this shit out.

Ready?

Weezy Wonka and the Sizzurp Factory. I realized that this was a go when I pictured little kids swimming around in one of those Wonka lakes, but it’s made up of fucking cough syrup with codeine and Sprite. Sizzurp in the house! I can’t tell you why I was picturing little kids swimming in lakes of codeine cough syrup. Like, I literally have no idea how I arrived at that thought. Who knows!

Also, maybe the kids can prance through cannabis gardens, and they’ll get shot out of a fucking cannon by little midget helper people when they start smoking too much and the what not.

Weezy Wonka. It can’t be worse than that deep-fried abortion that Johnny Chucklefuck Depp and Timmy Totally Kooky Burton put out a couple of years ago. Right?

Who wants in? I’m currently casting as well as soliciting donations.

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Who can say no to this shit? For starters, you get to wait on a dude hand and foot. Plus, you get free ass beer. And!, I bet he doesn’t realize you could totally gank those beer cans and turn them in for nickles. This shit probably isn’t legit, which is a shame, because I have a winter break coming up.

[Source: Boingboing]

Well, it has become clear what someone should be getting me this Christmas season. To orgasm, and beyond!

Everyone that tells the Brothers OL to lay off the caffeine and energy drinks can officially cram it!

Unless you were born in the 1800s, you undoubtedly realize that Frank Thomas is the greatest athlete of all time; check out the Big Hurt promoting the ultra-safe, certainly-good-for-you energy powder ZizZazz!

The energy boost was something I needed to play professional baseball.

That’s what we’re saying! Just about writing and reading and…uh…playing video juegos and whatnot.

I came across this sign today, taking a drive. It stunned me so much that I had to fucking pull over and take a picture of it. I can’t think of anything that would make this sign a good idea. I mean, well, I have two ideas. Either they were listening to Bono’s command to perform cunnilingus, or they were like “Fuck it, let’s just come out and be honest about it. Little boys, supplicating positions!”

Not exactly a brilliant slogan, but god damn if it didn’t make my morning.

[OCTOBERFEAST is the greatest celebration of the year, a revelry dedicated to pop-culture’s most nutritious Halloween detritus. Plastic screams and artificial sweeteners have never been more bountiful. In the old country, villagers refer to the extended party as Satan’s Snacktime]

I’m going to tell you a scary story.

When I was a little kid, there was a professional wrestling company called the WWF. Don’t look for them – they don’t exist anymore. This company had absolutely perfected the slop-culture art of pro-wrestling, creating a product that was as enthralling as even the finest piece of art. The good guys were the best. The bad guys were pure evil. And even the maniacs captivated. If you were an apostle of the WWF, it was a beautiful time to be alive.

But lurking about the dark underbelly of staged athletics was a different creature altogether. Relegated to filthy corners of sports entertainment, this abomination took umbrage at its second-class status. This being didn’t smile and shake hands. It didn’t kiss babies on the forehead and say “God bless.” And it sure as hell set any precedents.

This ghoul was called the WCW. And it was the malevolent doppleganger of the WWF.

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College Humor brings an amazing representation of the Jersey Shore as an old school RPG. Fucking amazing. Jersey Shore is the future, Final Fantasy IV is the past. When the two worlds collide, time and space ripple momentarily, before embracing the awesomeness that is the contradiction.

Hit the jump to check out the video, skank.

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I don’t know how fucking old this is on the internets. Probably a million, zillion years. So calm down, judgmental jackholes. I just found this. What happens when you take the Olsen Twins, throw in some DRANK, codeine and yummy-belly style, and mash-up an old song of theirs? Oh, only probably your nightmares.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Today marks the 15th anniversary of Summerslam `95. Although the card was pretty much filler, it was redeemed by one of the greatest matches of all time – the second ladder match between Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon. A rematch of their Wrestlemania X bout, these guys upped the ante by rocking two ladders and incorporating them into their signature moves.

Hit the jump to relive the pinnacle of professional wrestling.

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