I love chainsawing anthropomorphic killer insects, decapitating bandits and poking around bloody crime scenes as much as the next man, I really do. But as 2011 draws to a close, I’ve started to get all introspective about my gaming habits. I’ve drawn the grim conclusion that the stench of death and destruction hangs heavy over nearly all of my digital indulgences this year. Thank God then for Hello Games and their PSN downloadable hit Joe Danger: now spruced up and gift wrapped in a timely fashion for the 1% of XBOX 360 owners that were craving something colourful.

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Icarus, Jesus, Rocksteady Games. What do these three entities have in common. It’s not an affinity for sandals, or a desire to get closer to God, no: they are all victims of their own success. If I was in charge of Rocksteady Games I would have packed it in right after Arkham Asylum because crappy boss fights aside, that game was pure perfection.

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You know, there’s some sort of unwritten rule amongst games bloggers/reviewers/writers. I’ve heard it mentioned before that you should never review a game without finishing it: it smacks of a lack of professionalism, a lack of commitment and, most importantly, it doesn’t seem fair to call a race before it finishes.

Fuck that. When I drop forty bucks on a game I want it to entertain the shit out of me: at least keep me interested until the end. If your product fails to even meet that basic requirement then this is what you get: a bile-filled rant on how your game cheated me out my hard-earned money. Simply put: me seeing Rage through until its end would be like finishing a meal of dog shit and ass hair because it came served on a plate. There are principles and then there’s stupidity.

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Stories are wonderful, aren’t they? Especially when the storytellers get it right: weaving tales of intrigue, fantasy and human nature. If it weren’t for our ability to tell stories, then we would know hardly anything about ourselves. Bastion is a game that knows this all too well: building on narrative foundations rather than mechanical ones. This isn’t a story within a game, so much as it is a game within a story.

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As I write this review, my copy of Shadows of the Damned resides in the dark recesses of my local Game store’s used drawer. Appropriately, it’s been banished to its very own version of hell, not for its flaws, or for a lack of quality, simply because that was always its destiny: what it was designed for.

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