#March2011
Super Mario Bros: The Indie Movie Is Star Level.
Apparently at SXSW and other film festivals they have a bunch of “bumper” films. Minifilms that precede the screenings. Didn’t know that. Now I do. One of them showing at SXSW is “Mario” by Joe Nicolosi. Nicolosi works in a shitload of outstanding references in the framework of a trailer for an indie film version of Mario. Go ahead and watch it, you’re going to love it.
You dirty little slut.
Hit the jump for the video.
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Here’s Some Batman: Arkham City Concept Art. Insert Pun.
You hankering for some Batman: Arkham City? Here’s some gorgeous concept art to hold you over.
Monday Morning Commute: Lungs Afire
[photo via x-ray delta one]
Turn on some music as loud as possible. I’m not fuggin’ around – I want you to blast it. I suggest OM.
Tilt your head back. Keep your mouth shut. Through your nose, suck in as much air as possible. And hold it.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Now, exhale as hard as you can. Don’t stop until you think you’re about to gag. Then keep going. Feel the muscles in the back of your throat writhe. Don’t close your mouth – the burps want to come out. By the way, keep going. Let the tears come to your eyes. Enjoy that pre-puke taste filling your gullet. Keep going. Bend over at the torso and the let the blood flow into your face. Keep going. And just when you think you’re going to pass out, swing upright and suck in more air.
Congratulations. You just reminded yourself that you’re amongst the living.
In 100 years, this likely won’t be the case.
So let’s enjoy some shit along the way. Hop aboard Monday Morning Commute so I can tell you what I’m up to. Then hit up the comments section and do the same.
Prof. Uses Kinect To Aid In $4 Mil. Research Into Mental Disorders.
Goddamn, Kinect is fucking everywhere. I love how it’s been co-opted by countless people with unique ideas that have nothing to do with kicking an invisible volleyball. I change my mind, Kinect doesn’t suck. It’s actually fucking awesome. Latest example? It’s been used to cut down the cost of research into childhood mental disorders.
This Shooting Star Is Astronaut Pee From Discovery.
Behold the sexiness of….astronaut piss? The above image was taken by Jens Hackmann of Germany. Theoretically, it’s of the Discovery venting its excess water, but what exactly is in that water?
David Jaffe Disses Media For Wanking Off Artsy Games. Yes.
David Jaffe shoots from the hip, and that hip looks a lot like my heart. Last year, I was a bit confused as to why so many people were wanking off, splooging over, and generally orgasming on the face of the XBLA title Limbo. Frankly, I thought it was a piece of boring minimalist bullshit. Disagree? Well, good for you. Maybe you can still appreciate the hot fire that Jaffe is spitting regarding the media and their love for shitty artsy-fartsy games.
Inception Done In Sixty Seconds In Papercraft. Swoon.
This is Inception In Sixty Seconds done by Wolfgang Matz for a competition of the same theme. It’s been around since Friday on the internet, which by our standards makes it beyond old. Crusty. Withered. Dusty. But I don’t like to ball as hard here on the blog during the weekend. So consider it a late to the party entry.
Hit the jump for the video.
The Moon’s Got A Sexy Rearside.
Images & Words – Captain Swing #3
[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]
Sometimes a narrative’s theme is so compelling that the accompanying flaws and lapses itself can be forgiven. Hell, sometimes the golden idea, the kernel of truth lodged in the ventricle of the story, is so powerful that the plot becomes secondary. It’s welcomed to ride shotgun, but sure as hell ain’t wrestling away the wheel from the thematic content.
Such is the case with Captain Swing and the Electrical Pirates of Cindery Island.
Press Start!: Drinking With Video Games and Drug Binges.
Prepare thyself for the newest iteration of Press Start! The column where I puke up the top five things in the gaming world that caught my eye this week. It’s a democratic column, I want your input. Hit the comments box with your findings. True Believers! Gaming scientists!
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#1: Drunken NES: A Breathalyzer and 8-Bit Game In One.
This is one of those concoctions that fucking staggers me. It sends me into a spiralling moment of quasi-stoner amazement. Someone had to think up this brilliant piece of minutiae. Imagine this, if you can. Enterprising video game mechanical programming wizards had a dream. Their dream was simple. First, they had to make a breathalyzer out of an original Nintendo Entertainment System cartridge. No small task! I have it on good authority many a modern day Prometheus has been felled by such a challenge.
Then, they had to craft a video game for the original Nintendo Entertainment System – yes I’m typing it out to be awkward – that could interface with this creation. By blowing your disgusting Oats and Hops stink-rot-gut-breath into the cartridge, the game would then calculate the level of your drunken stupor and rate your inebriated ass in 8-Bit glory.
It’s fucking radical.
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#2: Uncharted 3’s Villainess Revealed; Wrinkled Old Hottie.
Fuck yeah I like my gaming occasionally in the form of a megaton zillion-dollar production value big blockbuster. Fuck yeah! You disagree. Oh okay! You go have fun shaving in Heavy Rain or playing Limbo and waxing intellectual about how it’s totally ambient and deconstructs the medium and blah, blah, blah. I’m fucking amplified for Uncharted 3. Boom. Can’t wait. I say deliver me from boring fetch quests! I say deliver me from conversation wheels. Just for a bit. Throw me into the comforting bosom of gaming entertainment excess.
And in relation to this excess, this week Naughty Dog revealed the villainess behind Nathan Drake’s woes. Meet Katherine Marlowe. She’s a bit of a hottie for an older women, isn’t she? She’s voiced by Elizabeth Hurley, but she gets me tingling like Helen Mirren. Some cavernous old cleavage and wields power to boot. Is it November 1, yet?
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#3: Microsoft Sells A Shitload of Kinects; Gets Punked.
It was an up and down week for our buddy Billy Gates’ company. Though I have to say their good news far outweighs the little bit of hacking righteousness that they were subjected to. You see, when you can lay claim to having the fastest selling electronic device ever, I’m sure everything glows.
This week it was announced that the Microsoft Kinect has sold ten million units. As well, Microsoft has moved ten million Kinect games. Wrap that shit around your brain-piece for a second. Since its release on November 4, 2010 it has averaged 133,333 units sold a day. Fastest device ever. More than your Apple iPhone, iPad, iMac, iThing, iMinimalist Swag.
However, it wasn’t all fucking roses for Microsoft this week! No sir. Hackers cracked the algorithm that generated the seemingly random numbers on the back of MS Points cards. You know, those cards you buy so you can spend the equivalent of $5 on a lightsaber for your avatar. Or so you can download that fucking shitty Dead Space 2 DLC (not that I’m bitter).
Being the benevolent hackers that they were, they used this algorithm to generate over 1 million dollars worth of points. Fantastic! It was short-lived as Microsoft said they killed all those points generated, but still, man! Lock that shit down, Microsoft! I paid good fucking money for my Mass Effect M7 t-shirt for my avatar. No fucking freebies!
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