It’s Star Wars Day. May the Fourth. May the Force. See the connection? Ha! I know, right? I didn’t think it up. I was going to hate on the Prequels today, as I am usually wont to do at any mention of Star Wars. But why, right? Why mourn on the death when you can celebrate the life?

God bless Star Wars. God bless the whiny farmer, and the walking carpet, and the sexy space pirate, and the princess with no bra. God bless Kenobi, and the ultimate swagger pimp Vader. God bless John Williams, and George Lucas. Lucas, wherever you are in that fat bloated meatskull that carries your name, I tip my cap to you.

As lame as it sounds, Star Wars introduced wonder into my life. The sort of “gee whiz, anything is possible!” sort of mentality that while incorrect, is empowering. It showed me a galaxy full of oddities and it gave me a bildungsroman to follow as I myself was coming of age.

It consumed hours of my life, it still does. It gave me a mutual interest with friends, and in a way, it probably drew me in closer with Pepsibones. Prior to the Force, Pepsibones was just some kid I ripped bare-assed farts on and made fetch me bagels. But our mutual respect for Lightsabers and Falcons gave us something to get closer through, and now the piece of shit is my favorite person in this galaxy.

So yeah, may the force be wit ya’ll. Take this day to drop the snark and dream but for a moment.

(I’ll try my hardest.)

I fucking love Party Down. I fucking love Snow Crash. If you don’t know what Snow Crash is, I deplore you! I dance in your blood. It’s only like, the dopest cyberpunk book ever. I love Snow Crash so much that I keep it next to my toilet. This way, when I’m rocketing one of my fifteen daily shits, I can flip it open and gander through a random chapter.

So this week, when Party Down referenced the book, I seriously geeked the fuck out. I shook my girlfriend Sam with glee! In the episode, douchey stud Kyle is trying out for the character of Vitaly Chernobyl in some sort of big screen adaptation. Which, of course, sends Nerd Lord Roman into a sort of apoplexy.

It’s a little tugjob to nerds, but it’s worth mentioning, since it’s one of the little things that makes the show so fucking radical, dood.

I’ve never been insane for the Call of Duty franchise. I enjoyed the two Modern Warfares, but that’s about it. So even though I knew that another game was coming this year, I didn’t care. It wasn’t Modern Warfare, and it wasn’t Infinity Ward. Well, fuck me, I seem to be stoked anyways.

It’s the fucking Cold War! Black Ops! Espionage! Oh shiz! Totally super-ballin’. Alright, I’m excited. Check out the video and fap with me.

Just in case you forgot, Marty Friedman is *really* good at guitar.

Watch him unleash Street Demon on a Japanese crowd: