Televised Days of Christmas: Christmas Is Where the Heart Is

[Is there a better way to celebrate the manger-birth of a superpowered messiah-baby than watching television? Hell no! Join Rendar Frankenstein as he navigates Spaceship OL through the Televised Days of Christmas!]

It wasn’t so long ago that nerds were persecuted.

Comic books were reading material for basement-dwelling losers, not source material for Hollywood blockbusters. Television’s scientific community consisted of children’s entertainers like Mr. Wizard and Bill Nye, not prime-time warriors like Leonard and Sheldon. Glasses were for the vision impaired, not the svelte-as-fuck.

Needless to say, these were dark days for all nerds.

But there is something to be said for those who can survive in the face of relentless persecution. Despite being spat upon, these individuals have the spiritual fortitude to take a stand, championing causes that’re unpopular but virtuous. They resist the temptation to cave into the herd mentality, and sometimes they even manage to help others in the process.

Family Matters‘ Steve Urkel is one such hero.

And perhaps the most festive of his heroic deeds can be found in Christmas Is Where the Heart Is.

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Jaleel White Will Endorse Your Holiday Product for $14K. Do The Urkel!

Jaleel White held the fucking fort down as Urkel On Urkel And The Guy From Die Hard. One of my favorite sitcoms. It’s a recession though!, and shit is hitting him hard. For only $14,000, he’ll endorse your holiday product.

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Miami Heat Get Fourth Superstar

According to the rumor I just started, the Miami Heat have acquired the most amazing free agent in the history of professional sports.