#September2012
‘ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA SEASON 8’ TRAILER: Andrew Dice Clay and Haley Joel join the cast. Sort of.
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WEEKEND OPEN BAR: childhood memories
[WEEKEND OPEN BAR: The one-stop ramble-about-anything weekend post at OL. Comment on the topic at hand. Tell us how drunk you are. Describe a comic you bought. This is your chance to bring the party.]
Hullo there, chums!
It’s the weekend again, and as such we all need to take some time to enjoy ourselves. Pop open bottles of beer! Blast some tunes! Squeeze some ass! Sure, we all have obligations that need attendin’ – voyages to the supermarket, respect-payings at the in-laws’, survival-games at karate class you signed up for because the lady-sensei has an incredible rack and you’re hopin’ she’ll beat the ever-livin’ shit out of you! But you have to enjoy these days, too!
`Cause what’s the point of havin’ a life if you aren’t goin’ to enjoy livin’ it?
This weekend, I want us all to take the time to think about just how wonderfully foolish we’ve been. Hell, actin’ like an idiot from time to time is a symptom of the perception-granting disease known as human existence. And it’s an important one too, `cause it enables us to learn from our mistakes. Since we’re all guilty of being momentary schmohawks, we might as well call ourselves out on it.
At best, it’ll help us become more actualized human beings. At worst, we’ll get some laughs.
To gain entrance into this weekend’s OPEN BAR, you need to share an embarrassing story from your childhood.
Did you barge into the bathroom to find your Uncle Rojo disinfecting his nether-regions? Care to retell how you asked your mom’s barren friend why she didn’t have any children? What about the time that you told your older sister’s boyfriend that he was hunkier than Hulk Hogan?
Allow me to start the tab at this OPEN BAR.
STAN LEE on the mend after pacemaker surgery. Get well, good sir.
It’s hard to imagine a landscape without Stan Lee. Unfortunately born into a universe bound by laws of mortality, some day the good sir will be sloughing the mortal coil. However, not yet! The good man is recuperating following pacemaker surgery.
MARC WEBB confirmed to direct ‘AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2’, everyone take a web…shot! Ha!
I don’t give a fuck. My shitty puns are your bowel movements are my small moments of job. Marc Webb has been confirmed to direct the sequel to this summer’s quiet little superhero flick, and that’s all good to me. While I don’t have a particular love the vehicle, it had a lot of HEAHHHT and Emma Stone. People came down on it with hammers and claws, but they were just bitter assholes rightfully annoyed at how quickly the thing had been rebooted. Sure, the plot was a fudgy diaper. The plot for Avengers was too, and that didn’t stop people from throwing rope all over that film.
CURIOSITY finds evidence of ancient stream on MARS. SCIENCE IS GOOD.
Bradbury high-fives all around! Curiosity has found evidence of an ancient stream of Mars. Now – dear friends – all we must do is channel our combined telepathic will into filling that stream with material of the cosmos, transforming it into a bubbling creak. Or something.
Cosplay: ‘DIABLO III’ gets a BABE-BARIAN. Get it? Groan.
Like most female characters, this lovely lady’s apparel is much more fashion than function. Or perhaps even more “show the boobies” than either of the aforementioned two. I imagine a lot of people are not complaining.
Press Start: Returns and Reptiles
Confession time: I missed last week’s article for three incredibly valid reasons.
- Borderlands 2
- A stealth hangover (seriously did not see the bastard coming)
- Hernia
OK, I possibly invented the third one, but still one and two are still pretty solid. Now, do you see the validity? Absorb it. Forgive me and then let’s move on. I’m about to hit you with such an incredibly powerful fistful of gaming news and titillation that you’ll wish I’d finally eaten myself into that early grave.
PATRICK STEWART returning to role of PROFESSOR X. I don’t care! SMH, I know.
Oh god! Patrick Stewart is bald! Professor X is bald! They both have legs! Some of those legs work. Some of those don’t. Now Patrick Stewart is returning to the role of Professor X, and I am totally over it. I’ve moved beyond the initial X-Men franchise, which has aged about as well as twice-digested cheese in the sun.
STEAMPUNK Nintendo casemod is geekcraft wundry.
This is the balls, ya’ll. Check out this geekcraft monument to geekcraft. A Steampunk Nintendo casemod. For when you’re feeling totally antiquated rocking out to the original Super Mario Bros, you can take the system back. Way back.
MARK MILLAR signs on with FOX as ‘X-MEN’ and ‘FANTASTIC FOUR’ consultant. I think this sucks.
Ah, as the tides turn. If this has occurred before Mark Millar spent his writing hours upon a toilet, blowing hate both out of his skull and ass, I would be stoked. Alas, I no longer am. Let’s see how many uncomfortable rape jokes and juvenile ethnic jokes he can slide into these two properties.
