Alright, I’m just going to come out and say that I’ve pretty much given up on ever genuinely enjoying this show like I once did. Perhaps it was a delusion, some sort of apparition or glamouring that tricked me into thinking this show was dope. But at this point, it comes off like a mush of romance and homoerotic tension. And while I am typically a lover of both romance and homoerotic tension, I’m pretty sure that from now on True Blood will be spent counting the time until a real show comes on.

I’ve figured out that this current season can be broken down into three distinct entities.

1. Eric Northman Cock Teases Everyone
King Dandyfuck, or whatever his name is, killed Eric’s dad. Who was a King. And now in a manner to ingratiate himself into the King’s inner circle in an effort to ultimately kill him, he’s begun hitting on him. And King Dandyfuck’s husband. I dug this at first, since I imagined myself being hit on by Eric and I glowed a bit inside. Then it just sort of kept going, and I’m like, alright dude, do something.

But he isn’t content just cock-teasing King Dandyfuck and the king’s typically flamboyant husband. He also spends a good amount of time growling and making comments at Sookie, and then Sookie is like “Roar roar I’ll never forgive you, roar roar, gap-toothed annoyingness.” So Eric walks around a lot in tight-fitting shirts and running his finger up and down people’s stomachs. Every episode. Forever.

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