An Alzheimer’s patient hears the songs of his era and comes alive. Music is a hell of a drug.

This is a bit of a departure from the usual tripe we throw around on OL, so pardon the sentimentality I’m rocking this morning. I drove by the ocean at sunrise and the super villain in my black, black heart died a little, and then I came back to find this on my Facebook newsfeed. Haven’t had your morning cry yet? Hit the jump and, as some walking tree once said, RELEASE THE RIVER.

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April Fools: Google Maps Goes 8-Bit

Confession time sans any shame: When I was a wee boy, I would run around in my backyard, sword-stick in hand, playing in imaginary worlds that were mostly inspired by the 8-bit NES maps in Final Fantasy and Legend of Zelda. These worlds, grand for a little awesome kid, offered the perfect bird’s-eye view of spatial possibilities, offsetting where you could and could not go–that is, until a major weapon, accessory, magic, or tip was found that would be duly employed to blast through any and all obstacles. Needless to say, life was good. But now that I am old and boring and my penchant for whimsically running around in my backyard returns to me only when I am drunk or deranged, such fancies have passed from my everyday existence–until now. Clearly on a similar wavelength, the gamers behind Google Maps dropped an 8-bit April Fools masterpiece on the world. Take a bird’s-eye view after the jump.

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Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 Lets You Shake Boobs With Your Controller, Yes I am the Developer

Move Those. WIth Your Hands.

Well, it appears that when my life as a blogger comes crashing down because of my incessant adolescence, I’ll be able to become a game developer.

NGS2 will feature SIXAXIS-controlled boobs. That’s right, a jiggle of the PS3 controller will translate into a jiggle of the character’s bosom. Just when you thought Tecmo couldn’t get any filthier.

If this wasn’t stolen from my perennially prepubescent skull, I don’t know where they would have gotten it. No, seriously. I’m wearing a mind-shroud fashioned from uncooked flanks of meat as I type this. They’ve stolen my million-dollar idea.

I fucking love Tecmo. Why? Because they name no delusions about who their audience is. It’s something the writer of a blog who dubs themselves “From Comic Books to Cumshots” can get behind. They’ve created a mechanic that allows you to shake obscenely large on-screen boobs with your controller.

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