Candy Crush outgrossed Nintendo in Q1. Outgrossed an entire company. I don’t want to dump on Nintendo, especially since I’m sweating Mario Kart 8 so hard. Someone. Just send me your Wii U. I’ll reciprocate by sending you toe nail clippings, and three already-worn (to the gym, bed, and the sewer) Star Wars t-shirts. Anyways, yeah. I don’t want to dump on Nintendo, so let’s frame this as an example of how goddamn staggering the mobile gaming market has become.

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This shouldn’t surprise you in the least. Everybody on their smartphone grind, playing them games. Even as us gamers sit clad in nothing but underwear in front of our widescreen flat plasmas, people run around about the world distracting themselves with smaller, lesser iterations. The Angry Birds, World of Goo, Temple Runnin‘ motherfuckers.

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