#December2011

Video: World Masturbating Champ Masanobu Sato’s Own Mini Doc.

Documentaries! A powerful format of thinly veiled fiction constructed to invigiorate the mind! To alert people to beauties and problems across the world! To…to…to capture a behind the scenes look at ┬áMasanobu Sato, the world’s masturbation champion. Pretty safe for work video after the jump.

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Dude Behind Gears of War 2 Talks About Jerking Off

Gears of War 3

Ah, Dude Huge. A man of my own heart. Not only is he the guy behind the HGH-Super-Boner-Testosterone-Fest that is the Gears of War franchise, but he’s also involved with Bullestorm, which is shaping up to be my most retardedly anticipated game of 2011.

How can this dude get any cooler? He can sound like he writes for Omega Level, and use masturbation metaphors to describe gameplay mechanics:

via kotaku:

“I’ll always be a staunch and loyal supporter of everything we do, but at the same time, as a creative, I always know we can do better,” Bleszinski said in the Official Xbox Magazine. “That’s actually one of my criticisms of Gears 2. I think we got a little too hung up on the scripted sequence, and that was always the joke: You don’t want the game to be masturbating…”

You don’t want the game to be…masturbating?

“… There’s a couple of instances where you’re fighting a bunch of guys and suddenly the chopper comes along and finishes them off and you’re like: ‘Fuck! I wanted to finish them off. You just finished the game for me.’ Or certain things with the truck where you can just hang out and let the game play itself without any fail conditions. There’s definitely a note to be taken from that to keep in mind moving forward.”

Preach on, playah! I know exactly what he means, too. There’s nothing worse than taking on some insurmountable boss, and having it cleaned up for you by some scripted sequence. There’s a thin line between epic action sequence, and the game feeling like a ride at Disney, where you have very little input. The difference between OMFG, Epic!, and Yawn, This Is Thunder Mountain.

The Dark Knight Masturbating

Yeah, I Have No Idea

Yes. Someone, somewhere in the world searched for “The Dark Knight Masturbating” yesterday. Just think of that. Seriously, someone did it.

And then Google brought them to us. I’m horrified and honored.