Watch: LUIGI’S DEATH STARE x JAY-Z = one plumber not f**kin’ around

rocked her ass

The “Luigi Death Stare” has been making the rounds since Mario Kart 8 dropped. This video right here is a glorious combination of FURIOUS LUIGI and HOVA.

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JAY-Z composing original soundtrack for ‘THE GREAT GATSBY.’ 2013 sucks.

Eddie Pluto kicked off 2013 by bringing this dollop of shit to my attention. I could hear his raspy cackle in my mind as I read through the news, all the while knowing my rage would feed his blackened heart. Fuck. You know, there was a point where I was really excited for the film adaptation of The Great Gatsby. Then there was the period of Hulkian rage when I was exposed to the horrendous trailer. Now? Now I’m just going to buckle-up and try and enjoy the nightmare.

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Looking ahead to some of my tentative choices, I realized the concoction known as OCTOBERFEAST was beginning to seem a bit unbalanced. Yes, by its very nature Halloween lends itself more to heavy metal and horror movies than anything else. However, I feel like part of my duty is to create a seasonal dish that satisfies the demands of a more well-rounded palate.

Therefore, today’s part of the 31-course meal takes us  to the world of hip-hop. I spent some time searching for a good lyrical anthem geared towards Halloween but didn’t manage to find anything too amazing. (Note: If you know of a solid rap song explicitly about the holiday, please let me know). Fortunately, I wracked my brain (almost to the point of mental instability) and managed to conjure up a candidate: Jay-Z’s Lucifer.

While groovier than any of the double-bass riddled songs I’m going to submit later this month, this Jay-Z track is definitely evil enough for OCTOBERFEAST. I mean, it’s titled Lucifer…as in Satan or the Devil. C’mon, you know what I’m talking about – the motherfucking Prince of Darkness! The antithesis of all that is holy and righteous! God’s arch-nemesis! If for nothing else, the title of this song warrants its inclusion.

With that being said, it is also worth mentioning that a bit of controversy erupted over the song. Being gullible and unwilling to do any critical thinking, there were some individuals who argued that if played backwards (as in, “Paul is Dead”) Lucifer contains satanic messages. This pastor tried to demonstrate that reversing the track reveals the subliminal messages “Murder Jesus” and “666.”

In reality, I wish that Jay-Z really took it upon himself to hide satanic messages in his music. That shit would be sick. Unfortunately, even the most cursory internet research unveils the fact that the audible “Murder Jesus” and “666″ is the product of DJ Dangermouse’s Jay-Z/Beatles remix known as the Grey Album.

Sorry to disappoint, Reverend Bunghole — Jay-Z isn’t in cahoots with the Devil.

Last but not least, the tune is damn catchy. The Black Album is one of my favorite rap albums and this is one of the standout tracks. I was unable to find a live video of the song, but found yet another ridiculous slideshow; this time, the song is set to an array of renderings of Lucifer himself.

So even if you don’t usually dabble in hip-hop, give this video a peek. And rest assured – there is plenty of heavy metal on the way.