The future is here, motherfuckers. It just ain’t evenly distributed or fully appreciated. Case-in-fucking-point? A new brain implant has let a blind woman “see” for the first time in sixteen years. Just flat out fucking amazing. Will we really appreciate how fucking wild this is? Nah!
Pretty fucking radical, shit! Usually DARPA seems dead set on bringing the robotic harbingers of the Apocalypse into the world. However their latest reveal is a tiny brain implant that would treat PTSD.
Well, this is unreal. Researchers believe that they have performed the first noninvasive human brain-to-brain interface. This is the sort of future-porn nausea that has me simultaneously clapping. And puking. Just roll with it, Caff. There ain’t anything else you can do.
I knew that my rotting teeth were good for something. Well, you know. Good for something other than generating the scent of a rotten hallway whenever I yawned. You see, these teeth are the answer. The answer to “how can we clone Caff?” Apparently.
This is either terrifying game-over material, or the lube you’ve been looking for to stroke your cyberpunk bits with. A group of scientists Daring to Approach the Lords have concocted a way to read letters. Directly from your fucking brain.
This seems too dope to be true. Can the Hyperloop truly be more than the interesting imaginings of a Rich as Fuck and Also Curious Dude and his team of designers? Can it?! I want to zip around at 800 mph, via magnetic levitation.
Ah, my fluid-covered copy of Neuromancer loves this development. A US District Court Judge Person said that Bitcoin can be used as actual money. Naw I’m not really sure about all the legalese behind it, I just know that this is the future that Max Headroom promised me.
NASA is funding a 3D food printer, folks. Coupled with dietary experts from’Murica, the aim is to get cheese poofs and pizza into the gullets of astronauts. And eventually the world. (This is actually all sorts of amazing.)
Props to frequent member of the community Cacophonous Kevos for bringing this to my attention. A bar out in Seattle has already banned Google Glass. You know, the AR glasses that aren’t really out in the public yet. Their reasoning works on a certain level, but I can’t get behind it. We need to embrace the disembracement of the flesh-sac! C’mon, folks. Let us transcend this mortal bodies. Or at least be allowed to wear glasses so we can stare at bums on tumblr in our tech-goggles whilst drinking a pint. Right?
Science Wizards know us, and our swollen geek glands. They know how to tenderly massage these glands, while whispering things. What do they coo? Many, many sweet nothings. One of my favorite barely audible murmurs that they hang on me is “we’re making it all come true, all come true!”