We have crossed the Ides of March, which means that the newest season of Game of Thrones shall be arriving in nearly no time. Thank goodness. The wait has been interminable, driving me to read the books to find out what happens! Good lord. Have you tried reading Martin? Let’s just say that the author’s prose mirrors his body in size. And bloat.

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Steel yourself for the third season of Game of Thrones, as George R.R. R. R. R. R. Martin continues to kill characters. He slays them from his computer chair, giggling to himself. He pauses only to feast upon the glut of tears he harvests from the crotches of his fans, and then returns to his act. Killing, slaying, forever. Forever.

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