World of Warcraft: Cataclysm is the fastest selling PC game of all time. If you’re willing to overlook the fact that it’s an expansion and not a full retail release. I am. The game it beat? Of course, its older brother, Wrath of the Lich King. Cataclysm has sold 4.7 million copies in a month.

A month!

In their article about the news, Kotaku has quotes Blizzard CEO Mike Morhaime jerking off, rightfully so, to the accomplishment:

We created thousands of new quests, introduced new lands to explore and extensively revamped the game world for World of Warcraft: Cataclysm, making it our biggest and most ambitious expansion yet.

[cont]

We’ve been floored by the community’s response so far, and we’d like to thank them for their continued passion and support for World of Warcraft, and for helping Cataclysm reach this incredible milestone.

I played a good seven hours of Cataclysm last night, so I think it’s obvious where I stand. Despite playing it sparsely over the past month due to school, the holidays, friends, and Black Ops, it’s a gorgeous product. Here’s hoping it doesn’t consume me entirely like past expansions.

I was pretty stoked to buy Cataclysm next month at the midnight release. I had done so for Wrath of the Lich King, and the experience was pretty righteous. I bombed home, installed it, and ran some dungeons with friends until the early morning. I planned on doing the same for Cataclysm. But now I can’t.

Why?

‘Cause I live on the East coast. So despite being able to buy the game at midnight, I can’t play it until the servers go live. At midnight, Pacific Standard Time. Motherfuckers!

Kotaku:

Blizzard nailed down the launch time for World of Warcraft: Cataclysm today in a statement that clarifies several bits of information about the upcoming expansion pack. With the availability of Cataclysm as on online purchase, a first in World of Warcraft expansion history, Blizzard is redoing the way it launches expansions. Instead of having East Coast servers up at 12AM Eastern and West Coast servers up at 12AM Pacific, the whole shebang goes up according to Pacific time.

Blizzard, you fucking cocksmiths! This shit cheeses me off, like few things do. I know the argument is that us superior, East Coast dwellers would get a head start on all of those in the left coast. Well, fucking too bad! Instead, they’re making all of us run out, stand in line with other sweaty and dick-smelling dorks, only to have to come home and wait three hours? God fucking dammit. No, seriously. God fucking dammit! Who cares if we get a three hours advance window? Well, I suppose other people who can’t play it yet.

But still!

Blizzard wants the entire universe to launch simultaneously, I suppose. Well, that makes sense. But I still fucking hate it.

Remember the Red Shirt Guy, who I dubbed Maxwell and immortalized in last Friday’s Press Start? Well, not only is Maxwell the coolest son of a bitch ever, but he’s also being added to the upcoming expansion pack, Cataclysm. Like, no, really.

Kotaku:

“Red Shirt Guy”, who shot to internet fame last week for his intimidatingly deep knowledge of World of Warcraft lore, has been turned into a character in the game’s latest expansion by developers Blizzard.

That’s him there on the right – Wildhammer Fact Checker – complete with his red shirt.

Before you cry fake, Blizzard’s Lead World Designer Alex Afrasiabi popped onto the WoW forums to confirm that he is indeed a real character in the World of Warcraft: Cataclysm. Congratulations, Red Shirt Guy; fleeting internet fame is one thing, but being immortalised in the game (or at least in its beta) you love is something way cooler.

Fucking outstanding. You have to give props to Blizzard for continuously implementing community phenomenons into the game itself. Maxwell! You are a fucking hero to us all, and now you’re further enshrined in polygon. Well done, you sexy son of a bitch.

Bask in awe, you fucking geeks! Even at my height of World of Warcraft bonery, I didn’t buy any of their collector’s edition. And with my interest in Cataclysm tepid at best, I sure as fuck ain’t springing for this $80 son of a bitch. Of course I’m still getting the game, since Blizzard owns my soul. But mean, I’m saving up for the Intergalactic Nerdcore Mass Effect 3 package, I can’t be fucking frivolous.

If you are a dedicated douchenozzle though, this is what the package entails.

Kotaku:

Art of the Cataclysm art book, featuring 176 pages of never-before-seen images from the archives of the Blizzard Entertainment cinematics department and the World of Warcraft development team, as well as progressive visuals from multiple stages of development.

Exclusive in-game pet: he may not be a breaker of worlds just yet, but Lil’ Deathwing will still proudly accompany heroes on their struggle to save Azeroth from his much, much larger counterpart.

Behind-the-scenes DVD with over an hour of developer interviews and commentaries, as well as a special Warcraft retrospective examining the rich gaming history of the Warcraft universe.
Soundtrack featuring 10 epic new tracks from Cataclysm, including exclusive bonus tracks.

Special-edition mouse pad depicting Deathwing menacing the ravaged continents of Azeroth.

World of Warcraft Trading Card Game cards, including a 60-card starter deck from the Wrathgate series, two extended-art cards, and two Collector’s Edition-exclusive hero cards, marking the first appearance of goblin and worgen heroes in the TCG.

Full disclosure? I actually think almost all of the content is dope, save for the Wizards Cards and the mouse pad. Making-Of DVDs are some of my favorite shit in the world, and the artwork of WoW has always been gorgeous. Buy it for me, someone, treat me to a glorious Christmas present for all the prose I rattle off for you.