#Welcome To the Future
Gummy Bears Made From Human DNA? Oh Future. ILU.
All right, listen up all you hippie PETA people who feel guilty eating delicious gummy bears because they’re forged from Mr. Ed’s dumb dead hooves or whatever. The future is now. And in this now-future we can make gummy bears. From human DNA.
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Amazon’s Kindle Tablet Exists. Details Here! (No E-Ink. Frown.)
I didn’t even know what there was an Amazon Kindle tablet in the works. This marks me as naive, stupid, some combination of the two, and also a silly assholes. Now I know.
And I have details.
Human Skin Spliced With Spidergoat-silk Is Almost Bulletproof. Almost.
Jalila Essaïdi is a bioartist with a pretty righteous goal. Essaïdi attempted to create bulletproof flesh. It didn’t work. But it almost did. We’re getting closer to the future I ask for!
Google Maps Adds Weather Layer, The All-Seeing Eye Grows More Powerful.
If there’s a company you should be frightened of, it’s the Google. The Google is mapping everything, consuming and documenting existence. They are All-Powerful. Just to show off their writhing underbelly for but a moment, they’ve unveiled a weather layer to Google maps.
Functioning Anal Sphincter Grown In Petri Dish. Ah, Science.
We, as man, have grown a functioning anal sphincter in a petri dish. Let no one say that the wonders of science aren’t always readily apparently. I will smite you.
Lotus Supercar Runs On Cheese, Chocolate, and Wine. No Seriously.
Meet the Exige 270E. This futuristic son of a bitch is a car designed to run off of some of the more refined deliciosities in the universe. A car that can be fueled with chocolate, cheese, and win. This car is single-handedly looking to put France into a famine only the Bible could describe.
Scientists Getting Closer To The Invisibility Cloak! Lock Yo Showers.
The invisibility cloak is one of those things that probably should never come into being. Unlike that Potter kid, I don’t think we’re going to use it to stomp around a musty-ass old school. No sir. No ma’am. More likely people like Solid Snake are going to use it to sneak into the bedrooms of important people and put a snap into their neck. And then stare at the deceaseds’ wives and husbands as they shower. Unknowingly.
This deadly apparatus for booby-staring and neck-snapping is getting closer. Closer I say.
Fox Stopping 35mm Print Distribution, Going Completely Digital In Hong Kong Next Year.
I remember when the first Star Wars prequel was being filmed, one of the things Fat Lucas blathered on about was the advent of digital film. I’m sure he made some ludicrous statement like it was going to be everywhere in five years or something (this in 1999), and it was one of many promises not kept. Still though, it has proliferated and is becoming more and more prominent. A testament to this is the announcement by Fox that they’re going entirely digital in Hong Kong next year.
FIFA 12 Features In-Game Hair Transplant.
We’ve had video games changed to reflect post-season roster moves. Even in-season roster moves. This is the first time that a video game has been altered to reflect an athlete’s new hairline.
Google Group Uses Facial Recognition To ID London Rioters. The Future.
From what I can tell safely ensconced in my computer chair across the pond, things are getting out of control over in London. A community of people have formed a Google group dedicated to using facial recognition technology to identify London rioters via online photos. Welcome to the future-present.
