[legend has it that Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word story to win a bar bet — For sale: baby shoes, never worn. leading to the author’s birthday, I’m going to offer a daily post of my own six-word story. readers are encouraged to respond with their own]

Barry learned to love his job.

As much as I want to hate this, I can’t help but smile. Maybe my inner-cynic is finally moving somewhere else (don’t hold your breath).

Members of the Big Four (Anthrax, Megadeth, Metallica, Slayer) played Am I Evil last night, providing a moment that metal fans never thought possible.

[legend has it that Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word story to win a bar bet — For sale: baby shoes, never worn. leading to the author’s birthday, I’m going to offer a daily post of my own six-word story. readers are encouraged to respond with their own]

You break windows, I frame narratives.

[photo]

[legend has it that Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word story to win a bar bet — For sale: baby shoes, never worn. leading to the author’s birthday, I’m going to offer a daily post of my own six-word story. readers are encouraged to respond with their own]

Who says bus drivers can’t drink?

[photo]

[Search Engine Terms come from an app in the Word Press dashboard. It tells you the terms that people are using in google to lead to your site. Most of ours are ultra depraved and horrible. And amusing to sick people like me.]

Ah, grandparents. Why not cook them? I mean, doesn’t their flesh occasionally look like perfectly-seasoned, extremely well-cured beef jerky? Welcome to Omega Level.

Fuck yeah! I knew that my Nintendo Zelda and Mario Player would eventually give way to a new Zelda game for me to play.

via kotaku:

NIntendo’s Shigeru Miyamoto demonstrated the game, showing a control scheme using the Wiimote and Nunchuk as Link’s sword and shield.

The game takes advantage of Nintendo’s Wii MotionPlus Wii Remote add-on. Players use the A and B buttons on the Wii Remote, and the C and Z buttons on the Nunchuk. Realistic motion control action take care of the rest. So, for example, target enemies with Z, and swing at any angle to slice and dice.

When players hold Link’s sword up to the sky, players can charge it up with solar energy and then throw sun beams at enemies – hence, the game title of Skyward Sword.

In the game’s HUD, the Wii Remote appears, telling players how to use items, check the map and swing the sword. To use the slingshot, players aim the Wii Remote and tap the A button to shoot.

The game appears more realistic and in that way in the same vein as previously Wii Zelda title Twilight Princess; however, the game is lighter and more vibrant.

To use the in-game bombs, tap the B button and raise the Wii Remote to throw.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is slated for a 2011 release.

Hell to the fucking yes, yo. I am so sold. Having just finished Super Mario Galaxy 2, I was wondering how many months would it be until I actually booted up my Wii again. Apparently in 2011, for Zelda. And I’m cool with that.

This is all you need to know about Bulletstorm. You shoot the fucking shit out of shit. You swear a lot. There’s fucking hilarious (intentionally) cheesy action movie lines like “I predict an imminent detonation…”, ” I predict an imminent getting the fuck out of here!” and “Last train out of explosion town!” You shoot more dudes. You rack up insane arcadey combos. You have fucking sweet fucking weapons. You shoot more shit. I think the main character is voiced by Spike Spiegel’s voice actor. Who also did 7-Eleven ads, which is double fucking win. Hit the jump, watch the trailer, sorry about your genitals.

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Motherfucking True Blood! It’s back! And it didn’t suck! Yes, righteous, awesome, et cetera. I had an inkling that I actually enjoyed True Blood, and it was something I was certain of by the time the “Last Season on True Blood” ran prior to last night’s season debut. With knowledge in hand that certainly Maryann was dead, Eggs was fucking rigor mortis, and nothing could be worse than the last five episodes of last season, I dove in. And it was fucking assloads of fun! Literally!

I mean, jesus christ, how many ass shots did they give us last night? Not that I don’t think it was warranted. All last season was like, copious tits and orgies. Where were the dude butts at? Sure, there were the scenes where Sookie fantasized about Eric and he was laying in bed with her and stuff. But still, where was the butt at! Well, we got it last night. Jason’s butt, Eric’s butt, where the fuck was Andy’s butt? I was hankering for some cavernous, hairy, unrelenting butthole. But whatever, I can’t complain, can I?

The season premiere had Bill getting kidnapped by a bag of dicks who are apparently werewolves. Wut? Say wut? Alright, this is already cool. I can get down with werewolves. Even if they’re fucking hillbillies that ultimately get owned by good ole Billy Compton. We get to see Bill sans Sookie, and it was right around that point that I realized something: Sookie is a blackhole of gap-toothed suck. Everything that gets sucked into her orbit is mired in suck, infected with her Jack-O-Lantern evil.

How do I know this?

Bill was fucking rad last night. From digging himself out of a grave to snacking on ole Grannie Stinky Puss or whatever her name was, to throwing down with werewolves, he exuded cool in a way that I forgot he could. It’s amazing what the guy can do when he’s not being written as a litany of syrupy proclamations of love.

SOOKIE I LOVE THEE

SOOKIE, I CANNOT ALLOW THEE TO ENDANGER ONE’S SELF

SOOKIE, YOUR HEART IS BUT AN EMBLEM AS GORGEOUS AS THE CONFEDERATE FLAG.

And on and on and on. Rock on Billy Compton. I can adore you, it appears, under the right circumstances.

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Dave Mustaine has got to have a million amazing stories. Unfortunately, he’s got a new best friend that discourages the glorification of senseless mayhem. Not that I’m a fan of it either, but it makes for a good stories. And since Dave Mustaine is one of metal’s most influential figures, a former junkie, a karate kid (see above), and a shit-talker, he’s got to have a few narrative aces up his sleeve.

Luckily, the Internet has all sorts of gems hidden in its crevices. Check out this interview of Dave Mustaine from the early 1990’s.   Highlights include his explanation of the cryogenic chambers from the Hangar 18 video and his referring to a brothel as butt-city.

Also, it’s pretty obvious that he’s hopped up on goofballs.

Fuck to the yeah, Fallout: New Vegas footage. This game is the number one source of my polygonal dicklust, and everytime something new leaks out about it, all my juicy parts begin to leak as well. Pad your seat in absorbent materials, put on your radioactive war face, and hit the jump to check out the video.

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