This is a moment of zen for myself. A moment of clarity that I really need to clench down on.   I need to recall that no matter how mediocre and blah Superman Returns was, Singer’s meh-core movie never, ever came near the stunning shitstorm that Tim Burton’s rendition of Clark Kent would have been. Like, seriously. Just consider these pictures of the emo kid abortion suit that he would have suited Superman up in.

Fuck Tim Burton. I hope we’re all approaching a moment when he can agree, unequivocally that he sucks. Maybe we’ll never agree on whether he’s always sucked. Some people think so, but I actually enjoyed a lot of his flicks. But after his last few movies, it’s obvious: the dude isn’t even trying anymore. Throw Johnny Depp acting like a complete zany douche, mix with a generic Elfman soundtrack, and a dash of his annoying partner Helena Bonham Carter, and you’ve got a zillion dollar movie and a Hot Topic line of clothing for all the misunderstood kids to enjoy.

Fuck Tim Burton. Hit the jump to see his Superman costume that can also go fuck itself.

Keep Reading »

These Captain America scans from the latest Entertainment Weekly came out today as I was literally walking out the door to school. A quick check of my Twitter feed saw their appearance, but I was forced to be all responsible and go to school and such. Fucking shit. Now that they’ve been around for eight hours, they’re roughly nine-zillion years old in internet time, and you’ve seen them a million times.

Sry, sry, yo! But if you haven’t seen them, hit the jump.

Keep Reading »

[Source: Big Bad Toy Store via Super Punch]

This set includes a 23.5 cm long Mav Police Spinner Miracle Action Vehicle as well as the “Blade Runner – The Final Cut + Work Print” on Blu-Ray. Note that this Blu-Ray disc is NOT region-specific, and can be played anywhere in the world.

Super awesome. Super excessive.

Oh shit! Fresh off of Catwoman speculation comes a significant reveal. In an interview published minutes ago, Nolan dropped the title of the third Batman flick: The Dark Knight Rises. Not only that, but dudebro shoots down the potential for the Riddler, writing him off as appearing.

Slashfilm:

The news comes from Geoff Boucher over at Hero Complex, who was able to score a coveted interview with the secretive director. “It won’t be the Riddler,” Nolan said of the third film’s villain, squashing earlier rumors and speculation to the contrary. He also noted, “We’ll use many of the same characters as we have all along, and we’ll be introducing some new ones,” a fairly self-evident   yet cryptic statement.

Evidently, Boucher and Nolan also chatted about convincing Warner Brothers to go with IMAX instead of 3D for the film, which I find incredibly encouraging. Boucher says that information will be made available later today. We’ll update you guys when we hear about it.

Thoughts? Hit the comments box with your take on it. Me? I dig it. Simple enough, penciling out the (obvious) arc that has Wayne finally rising above the turmoil of the second flick. They call that a well-traced trajectory in a trilogy. I mean, if you weren’t expecting him to triumph in the final installment of a three-part saga, you probably haven’t been paying attention to narrative in the last three-zillion years.

Oh shit! Apparently Christopher Nolan has been quietly interviewing women, searching for someone to play a female lead in the upcoming Batman 3: The Darkest Knight or whatever. Intriguing, to say the lead. What exactly is Christopher after? Nolan is looking for an actress in her late twenties or early thirties to helm this big role, and I think we can all agree on one thing: motherfuckin’ Catwoman is about to strut it up on the big screen.

Right? No? Right? Maybe?

Let me crack a controversial comment (maybe) all over your dumb faces; I would much rather see Talia al Ghu in this flick than a latex-bound vixen strutting around as Selina Kyle. And that’s saying something, since a lot of people know my utter fetish for latex, attractive powerful women, and uh, cats?

Perché, Ian!, perché!

The Bones and I have spent a good amount of time brainstorming the plot for Batman: Pretty Much A Dark Knight for Wayne since TDK dropped two years ago. And one of the things we kept coming back to is the idea that Talia rolls up into Gotham to avenge her Poppa Qui-Gon’s death at the hands of Wayne. It’s pure fanboy masturbatory wishing, but isn’t that what dork conversations are for? Hell to the yeah! Fuck yeah to the fucking speculation!

I should be clear that I am an unabashed Nolan fanboy, and if my time on Earth has taught me anything, it’s that the creators I place absolute faith in never, ever, let me down. Except for Lucas, Raimi, the Wachowskis, Peter Jackson post-LOTR, and a laundry list of other Fallen Heroes. I think it’s safe to say my brother and I have developed a complex over this.

But still.

Catwoman? Talia al Ghul? Whoever it is, I place my little, perpetually-innocent heart in Nolan’s hands.

This is a few days old, but I hope you’ll forgive me. For starters, I make it a point to take the weekends off from continual internet refreshing and posting. Consider it my downtime. Of course, the internet doesn’t sleep, and shit happens. And secondly, when I read this shit, I blacked-out. I woke up in a puddle of my own corn-heavy vomit. Just gallons and gallons of corn-filled puke. All over my body. My eyes were red, my mind was certain: there is no God.

Why? [Rumor] George Lucas is apparently making three more Star Wars movies.

Slashfilm:

IESB — who has been known to have connections at Lucasfilm in the past — is currently reporting that Lucas is “plotting to create” new Star Wars movies which would be released after the six three 3D re-releases and would take place far in the future, not relating to the Skywalkers. More after the jump? You bet we do.

In the IESB piece, they back up their source by informing readers that they broke the news of Revenge of the Sith’s PG-13 rating, the live action TV show as well as The Clone Wars show. They believe that’s enough to substantiate the rumor.

Specifically, they report that while working on the 3D conversions of the new films, which will begin in 2012 with Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Lucas “has gotten the itch.” He has “gotten motivated with the success the Clone Wars animated series, the video games and also with the success of Avatar.”

The sequels, not prequels, would not focus on the Skywalkers, but instead be set in the future. Same universe, but totally different story. By doing this, Lucas doesn’t have to fit pieces into a puzzle like he had to do with the prequels. And he has stated that that process was creatively constricting to him.

Well fuck me sideways, with an ignited lightsaber. You should have seen the look of pure terror when I told Pepsibones this news. He was fresh off a great weekend of drinking heavily and celebrating his birthday. It was a weekend of merriment. I almost felt guilt letting him know that in fact, our childhood was going to get spread, and fucked ruthlessly once more. His eyes darkened, and fear filled the parts of his soul he wished not to acknowledge existed. His innocence, which he had long thought dead, or at least outright denied.

Fuck George Lucas. Let me be clear about something. I don’t hate the idea of more Star Wars content in any form if it’s done right. I hate the idea of George Lucas making any more Star Wars content. If this rumor had “Del Toro” or “Spielberg” or “Jackson” or “Blomkamp” attached to it, I’d be losing my god damn shit with glee. It’s the fact that, if this is true, fat Lucas will be bumbling and raping his own mythos again. And that ladies and gentleman, makes me very, very afraid.

I have puke to wipe up.

Peter Jackson came out and announced the cast of The Hobbit today. I feel like I should be really jazzed, or excited, or something about this. Unfortunately, that something is apathetic. In fact, it took a good two minutes of “Ian, this is shit people care about, you should probably blather about it already!” to get me writing this. I’m not sure why I don’t, and I know I will be excited about the movie once trailers start dropping and the such. But for now? Mehcore. However!, here is the cast list, featuring the official confirmation of Martin Freeman, the dude from the BBC version of the Office as Bilbo.

Slashfilm:

Richard Armitage (MI-5, Captain America) as Thorin Oakenshield, leader of the Dwarves, whose grandfather ruled the Lonely Mountain settlement destroyed by Smaug.

Aidan Turner (Being Human) and Rob Kazinsky (EastEnders) as Kili and Fili, nephews of Thorin.

Graham McTavish (Secretariat) as Dwalin, blue-bearded, first to arrive at the home of Bilbo Baggins.

John Callen as Oin, skillful fire-maker. Brother of Gloin.

Stephen Hunter (All Saints) as Bombur, the fat, sleepy and slow member of Thorin’s company.

Mark Hadlow (King Kong) as Dori, strongest of the Dwarves, who carries Bilbo on his back at one point.

Peter Hambleton (The Strip) as Gloin, brother of Oin, initially suspicious of Bilbo’s worth, but eventually convinced. Father of Gimli from The Lord of the Rings.

Also returning are Sir Ian McKellan as Gandalf, and everyone’s nightmare, Andy Serkis as Gollum. Well there you go! Be excited, b-e excited for me.

I think it’s safe to say the Brothers Omega are awaiting Aronofsky’s Black Swan with the fervor. There’s nothing I enjoy more than one of his late-autumn/early winter releases. The world is dark, the air smells of last-gasps, and the wind bites. What better way to knuckle down and get through the Death Months than a nice depressing movie? Hell yeah! Black Swan looks to continue this pleasant tradition. I look forward to enjoying this new, halluciengic flick of his. Then I’ll quietly retire to my room, and contemplate death while holding a drill to my head like I’m out of fucking PI.

With that said, hit the jump for gorgeous international posters promoting this forthcoming mind-fuck-heart-rape.

Keep Reading »

How about a look at the SHIELD Helicarrier from the upcoming Avengers’ flick? Sold? Of course you are. If you’re reading this website you’re either horribly lost, or a nerd. Or, depending on what you were typing into a search box that let you to this den of depraved and debauched acts, both. These designs are by George Hull, and are being directed into your gray matter courtesy of io9.

What do you think of the look? I like the turbines that that use in the comic books, but I can learn to love this take on the classic flying bastard.

SO yeah. The Lizard is the baddie in Marc Webb’s Spider-Man reboot, starring Andrew Garfield. Cool? I’m not getting particularly stoked, but that isn’t because I think the movie isn’t going to be deec. It’s got Webb and Garfield and that’s enough to have my interest. But Rhys Ifans as Dr. Curt Connors? Okay, sure! The sort of news which is worth noting, but really don’t get me feeling it in either direction.

I can appreciate the direction they seem to be taking with the new flick. No Goblin as the villain? No Mary Jane as the primary love interest? Parker is in college? Say what you will about how soon they’re rebooting the franchise, at least they’re putting a different stamp on it. Right? Sure!

What say you?