My hatred of the MPAA is legend. I’m pretty sure sonnets have been written about it, 14 lines of iambic pentameter detailing just how much I seethe whenever I see something like The Hunger Games (which I loved, granted, but it’s a film about children murdering each other for sport) get a PG-13 rating but something with sex or swearing automatically gets slapped with an R. Remember the 70s and 80s when boobs, a bunch of “shit”s, and 1-2 “fuck”s would get you PG? I do. Good times.

The shitshow that stemmed from the documentary Bully getting an R rating was amazing. People were de-crying the MPAA, as they should, since they’re holding onto an archaic rating system that either needs serious revamping or abolishment altogether, and the MPAA just looked like the bunch of Bible-thumping assholes they are. Everyone, from the common man to A-list celebs, appealed to the MPAA to lower the rating to PG-13. A few “fucks” shouldn’t be the reason the film was kept from the people who needed to see it — namely everyone between the ages of 10 – 18. But, naturally, the MPAA was like, “WE’RE NOT CHANGING THE RATING AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO DEFY US.”

So the Weinstein Company said, “Well, watch this.”

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I haven’t read The Hunger Games  series, but I did see the film on Sunday and very much enjoyed the hell out of it, especially since I didn’t have to yell at anyone for having their cell phones out. I was happy with the direction, the cinematography, the acting, and the casting — especially the casting. I mean, what the fuck did  Lenny Kravitz give Satan in return for eternal youth? Dude looks maybe  25. Jennifer Lawrence, the sole shareholder at CP’s spank bank conglomerate, did a fabulous job as Katniss, and Amandla Stenberg made me weep like a little kid with a skinned knee during that scene. Everyone was flailing while we filed out of the theater, so much that I could literally see  the exclamation points in people’s sentences.  Nothing could harsh my buzz.

Then I saw the racist fuckery happening on Twitter and suddenly remembered the world is full of douchenozzles.

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Sorry to interrupt your regularly-scheduled sausage fest, but there’s a new face on the OL team and it’s a damn sight prettier than anyone else’s around here.

The name’s R.C. and it’s nice to meetcha. Before we go any further, there’s one thing you should know right off the bat: I like things. All sorts of things. If things were a man, I’d marry it. And if  you  were married to things, I’d jeopardize our new friendship by nailing your hot husband. I have been described as many things, including: an immoral raconteur, an astrophile, a zombie aficionado, the bastard lovechild of Ellen Ripley and Badassery, insane, and ridiculously awesome. All of these things are true. I also have a Batman tattoo.

You’re probably thinking to yourself that I can’t possibly be this incredible, but don’t take my word for it. Here are just a few of my testimonials:

“I once lost a Shamon-off to her, and it was awesome.” — Michael Jackson

“She salted the burial grounds of my ancestors so nothing would grow there for a thousand years.” — Rick Santorum

“She’s bitchin’ as shit.” — God

So, let’s kick this off with a big fucking HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Leonard Nimoy, who is, like, 461 years old today. Leonard, I know you’re pretty sick to death of the Star Trek franchise, but nut up and accept the fact that I am going to spend the night Vulcan saluting all over the place in your honor.