#Caffeine Powered
Dude who founded Xbox Live has left Microsoft
I know, I know. You think XBL, you think slurs and adolescence. I get it. But still — imagine being the motherfucker who conceived and implemented the gaming juggernaut online service bonanza (at least last generation)? Boyd Multerer is that dude. And he’s outtie-5000 from Microsoft.
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Leaked: Ultron and The Vision’s origins courtesy of ‘Age of Ultron’ promo materials
DAMN, MARVEL-SON! Lock up your shit. Or at least get Ted, the Marketing Intern, to handle his shit. Surely you didn’t want Ultron and The Vision’s origins leaking out through misplaced fucking promotional materials.
New ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ Promo Art: Grapplin’ with the Hulk and Robots
Here’s a slurry of new Avenging Folk: Epoch of Ultron promo art. Featuring the Hulk and Hulkbuster totally grapplin’, The Odin-Son fucking up all sorts of Ultron drones, and the Big Bad holding some sort of orb. Get pumped (or don’t), this movie has never been closer.
First Look: Yellowjacket’s suit from Marvel’s ‘Ant-Man’
I don’t know. Does anyone give a shit about this? I feel like I should. But I don’t. Hey it’s a picture of a villain’s suit. Some villain I don’t know. But is that more about me, or more about the lame fucking villain? Is he even lame? Am I just ignorant? Fuck, yo, I don’t know.
1337: Hackers recreate German politician’s fingerprint from photos.
And you all wonder why I’m always wearing my stretchy winter mittens. In the summer. In the winter. Sure they’re covered in crusty, withering flakes of my DNA. Sure my hands smell like eggs and mistakes. But at least them hackers won’t have my fucking fingerprints.
Vin Diesel pretty much confirms he’s in Marvel’s ‘Inhumans’
Vin Diesel. Continues teasing his involvement in Inhumans. The latest is a pretty fucking egregious Facebook message and image. Like either he’s lost his mind and is trying to pressure Marvel into giving him the role, or they’re just letting him run the movie’s Hype Machine for a bit.
‘Everly’ Trailer: Salma Hayek x ‘The Raid’
Well, this trailer came out of nowhere for me. It’s got some seriously appreciable elements. Salma Hayek. Shoulder-mounted rockets. Salma Hayek killing tons of yakuza. Said yakuza hanging out in their underwear. Yep.
‘Star Wars’ Rumor: Aaron Paul playing young Han Solo
This is the rumor, folks. The rumor that ravaged the pipes of the inter-webs this past weekend. Aaron Paul as a young Solo.
Monday Morning Commute: Oh, I’m Sorry. I Didn’t Know.
Holy Tits on a Sacred Idol, I haven’t issued forth a meaningless communique in six days? ‘Tis the season for negligence or something. Is this inter-microphone on? Is anyone hearing this? Or am I, as always, a captive spectator in the Theater of My Own Mind? None the less. Here I am. Over-caffeinated, under-medicated, and ready to dive headfirst into Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share what we’re excited for during a given week. Maybe it’s a movie. Maybe it’s a meal. Maybe it’s a secret rendezvous in a Burger King bathroom with an omni-gendered, multiverse alien with all the holes, phalanges, phalluses, and proclivities to finally sate a very (very) nuanced sexual appetite.
Naughty Dog artist drops HD images of Nathan Drake model from ‘Uncharted 4’
Well, it’s almost 2015. Which means that the current console generation is inching closer to the year where it seems like it’ll actually begin. One of the titles dropping next year that is tickling my taint is Uncharted 4, and an artist from Naughty Dog has seen fit to really get my gummy bits lubed. The talented fucker goes by the name of Frank Tzeng and he has unleashed a collection of images featuring UC4’s Nathan Drake model. So good.
