I’ve never read Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, and I know that means I suck. I almost bought it yesterday, but at this point I’m fearful that reading it may make me like the movie less, or like the book less, or something-something less. Whatever, I’m over-thinking it. What I do know is that this UK trailer which dropped today has given me a Nintendorgasm. Hit the jump and fap with me.

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

For the second time in less than a week, Jonah Hex’s ugly mug has popped up on OL. I assure you, the decision to give Jonah Hex the weekly comics spotlight isn’t rooted in the fact that I tried to pimp out a promotion for the movie. (By the way, if you are still interested, the contest is still on! Rock a submission and get free stuff!). No, this issue has been deemed the best collection of panels and prose, the most bang-for-your-buck on the racks.

For the first time since its inception, Images & Words is proud to present a Western!

[Cue this shit up]

With your first glimpse at the cover, you know this comic means business. The always fantastic Darwyn Cooke offers an interpretation of Hex that draws heavily on Clint Eastwood’s most infamous character. Of course, he then disfigures Eastwood’s beautiful face, adding the scarring for which the titular character is best known. Cooke also presents his artistic license in adding a heart to Jonah Hex’s shirt; cleverly, this shape is actually a hole in the fabric, which can either suggest that he has no heart at all or that he has one but it is empty.

Looking to spruce up an apartment on the cheap? Buy Jonah Hex #56 and toss the cover on a wall. Your friends will think it’s super kawaii.

But if you like reading comic books, you’re still in luck! In fact, this issue offers two self-contained shorts — a welcome change considering the fact that most comics are incomplete sections of storylines that stretch over months. Any time that the format is fiddled with, I can’t help but allot some points. Fuck it, I have no qualms about rewarding novelty, a running against the grain that helps open minds. Two stories? I’m sold.

Fortunately, both of the tales presented in Jonah Hex #56 are rad.

In the More than Enough, we first see Jonah Hex’s loyalty being purchased by an elderly Native American trying to retain ownership of her land. Then, J. Hex’s services are sold to the three neighbors harassing the old woman. It’s impossible to figure out where the antihero’s morals lay, which is far more preferable for such a figure. I assure you, the resolution is just and ironic

First True Love takes the reader through a crash course of Jonah Hex’s history. His time being raised within an Apache tribe is chronicled, as are his first trials and tender sentiments. We see a potentially blameless youth crafted into a dark, cynical gun-for-hire. Love, in a number of forms, is given and then taken away. And at the conclusion, we see what happens when a man who has spent his entire existence fighting for his life and watching people die is threatened by hapless fools.

Jonah Hex kicks ass. Writers Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti know how to take the archetypal Western-antihero and then succeed purely in terms of narrative execution.   The team proves that well-worn character-types don’t have to be boring, but sloppy storytelling usually makes them so.

Everyone should read this comic book — whether they are dead or alive.

Aiight, here’s the deal. Every Wednesday I’m going to pop off on something gaming related under the title of Pixelation. The idea being that any blog sort of barfs up and churns through bullshit. And hells to the yeah!, I’m going to continue doing that. A big part of OL is that I go fucking insane when I see something that excites me, and I love sharing it with my friends. Gaming news, movie trailers, comic books. Whatever. Blah, blah, blah. But it wouldn’t hurt to add some original content. If you call profanity-laden tirades or ejaculations about something in the gaming world original. It may be some sort of bullshit reflection, or keyboard warfare against something that excites me. I can promise you several things: it’ll be stream of consciousness, riddled with spelling errors and profanity, and probably not well thought out. You’ve been forewarned.

Nintendo has done the impossible this E3. They’ve made my cock hard. Like, seriously. Dripping like woah. For the longest time, my Wii has sat in my entertainment center, a kickbitch device that did nothing more than collect dust. Nintendo, sensing the fact that there were a lot of dickfarts like me who were totally okay with not waggling our Wiimotes at bowling games and shit, actually brought games to this E3.

No shit! GTFO! Rly? I was stunned. My Nintendo Wii is more or less my Miyamoto player. Or whoever is directing Super Mario Galaxy and the Zelda franchise at this point. Don’t be a dick, I know I’m uninformed. And too lazy to look that shit up. But since there’s only a Mario game every two years, and Zelda every god-knows-when, the thing sits around waiting to be stroked. At best, over the past couple of years, it’s been the source of near fist-fights between Pepsibones, myself and friends as we rock out to the Gamecube Mario Strikers.

I began losing my shit at the announcement of the new Zelda. I know every time Link takes to whipping Epona and trying to save Zelda’s dumb ass, again, what I’m going to be getting. The same formula plus some mechanics tweak that make the game fucking awesome. That’s a scientific fact. But fuck yeah, I could actually see a time when I would be playing my Wii again. Having just completed Super Mario Galaxy 2, I had laid my sweet Wii to rest. Good buy you little piece of cheap white plastic and gimmickery. I’ll love you. Always.

But Zelda? Ohhhhh shit.

Super fucking dope. But then Nintendo dug deep for their next jimmy tug.

They brought back Donkey Kong. Fucking Donkey Kong.

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One of the dopest gaming memories I have is Black Friday from 1995. My grandmother took me out shopping for my Christmas present; she lived in Connecticut and was only up for Turkey Day. I browsed the aisles, but I wasn’t fucking around. I wanted Twisted Metal. I took that son of a bitch back home, and giggled all my way to death, destruction, and mayhem. The eerie screams of Sweet Tooth have been haunting me for fifteen fucking years. So the fact that there’s a new Twisted Metal bound for my PS3 has me doing backflips.

via kotaku:

That long rumored Twisted Metal revival from Eat Sleep Play is real and Sony had the multiplayer portion of the game playable at its E3 booth, a vehicular combat game that might offend your sensibilities, but not for its gameplay.

While playing Twisted Metal–that’s the final and straightforward title of the new PS3 game–I ran over dozens of innocent bystanders with my ambulance, aka the Meat Wagon, and launched hospital patients strapped to gurneys, bombs strapped to their chests, at my foes.

It’s been a while since my last Twisted Metal experience, way back to Twisted Metal Black for the PlayStation 2, so coming to grips with the game’s driving and killing controls took a few moments to get used to. But the new game, in which players control factions lead by Twisted Metal mainstays like the insane clown Sweet Tooth and the porcelain faced Dollface, instantly feels familiar.

Twisted Metal for the PlayStation 3 has many of the mechanics from previous entries, with special weapons like lock-on missiles and shotgun blasts scattered around each map. My favorite is the hellfire-like missile that paints a splash damage target on the battlefield just after launch and lets the player choose the moment of impact.

Throw in the fact that there’s going to be 24-player online deathmatch? Holy shit. Let’s party like we don’t got pubes. Shave em and rage, yo!

Totally fucking stoked for Zelda: Skyward Sword? Say word, me too! How about a fucking trailer up in your guts to get your juices flowing even moreso? Yeah, you totally are feigning for that shit. Hit the jump and get ready to rock the fuck out.

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All my cameras remain MIA. Enjoy the potpourri again.

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Yeah, welcome to Variant Covers! I’ve been slacking like a fucking asshole. I have a thick ass stack of stretchy-limbs, sociopaths, mutants and blind dudes with nunchucks to catch up with. Float me this week and I’ll float your boat. Instead of previewing what is coming out this week, I’m going to give you the lowdown on the shit I heartily recommend you check out, if not follow with an insatiable ass-lust.

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Choker:
Choker is the demented love child of Blade Runner and super-vulgarity. It’s super profane, super gritty, superly super. It’s a detective story at the peak of expletive-laden blood-soaked awesomeness.

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Daredevil:
Daredevil. Oh, do I love thee. One man’s internal struggle with his demons made literal, as the bro attempts to control the Hand. This is going to end in tears. Or maybe it already has. Like I’ve said, I haven’t read the latest issue. Inorite? Fuck me.

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Fantastic Four:
Jonathan Hickman is fucking fantastic. Puns ahoy! But seriously. I don’t read enough comic books that can intertwine the intergalactic with the heart. Or really, I don’t read any besides this.

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Donkey Kong Country is coming back this year. Fuck to the yes! And not only that, but they’ve got their heads out of their asses (I don’t know who they are), and they’re taking it sidescrolling. Just like this son of a bitch was meant to be. And Retro Studios, the peeps behind the Metroid games are rocking it? Oh good lord, I’m going to blast a barrel of banana juice.

Fuck yeah! I knew that my Nintendo Zelda and Mario Player would eventually give way to a new Zelda game for me to play.

via kotaku:

NIntendo’s Shigeru Miyamoto demonstrated the game, showing a control scheme using the Wiimote and Nunchuk as Link’s sword and shield.

The game takes advantage of Nintendo’s Wii MotionPlus Wii Remote add-on. Players use the A and B buttons on the Wii Remote, and the C and Z buttons on the Nunchuk. Realistic motion control action take care of the rest. So, for example, target enemies with Z, and swing at any angle to slice and dice.

When players hold Link’s sword up to the sky, players can charge it up with solar energy and then throw sun beams at enemies – hence, the game title of Skyward Sword.

In the game’s HUD, the Wii Remote appears, telling players how to use items, check the map and swing the sword. To use the slingshot, players aim the Wii Remote and tap the A button to shoot.

The game appears more realistic and in that way in the same vein as previously Wii Zelda title Twilight Princess; however, the game is lighter and more vibrant.

To use the in-game bombs, tap the B button and raise the Wii Remote to throw.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is slated for a 2011 release.

Hell to the fucking yes, yo. I am so sold. Having just finished Super Mario Galaxy 2, I was wondering how many months would it be until I actually booted up my Wii again. Apparently in 2011, for Zelda. And I’m cool with that.

[via eclectic banana: click to enlarge]