The dudes behind Ninja Gaiden 2 Sigma have been promoting one thing: The fact that you can shake female characters’ boobs with your Sixaxis controller. In addition to being horribly objectifying and focused on the lowest common denominator (all of us), Tecmo has now gone and cut a TV commercial that features only one thing: boobs jiggling. Young and old and fat and skinny men shaking their controller to get some boobs hopping. It’s eerie. It’s brilliant? Check out the video after the jump.

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I love Halo. Even though I don’t think it’s blown me away since the first game. And yet, I can only feel general sympathy for people who love it so much they go out and buy this bundle. Only confirmed for a PAL release at the moment, frat boys across the world are hoping North America gets a release as well. I think they’ll be hooked up.

Ben Templesmith’s original art, found via Warren Ellis’ blog. Templesmith is rad, and is responsible for the art on such comic projects as 30 Days of Night and his collaboration with Lord Ellis, Fell.

In case you missed all the crazy Warner Bros/DC restructuring last week, there’s this new entity called DC Entertainment. The head behind it is Diane Nelson. And apparently she has no plans to push through a Superman movie at the moment:

Via Slashfilm:

We’ve obviously done a lot of great things behind the property in our history, and it’s a key part of the family, but we don’t have current plans behind Superman.

So we have a Green Lantern movie in development staring fucking Van Wilder, but no one is working on a Superman movie? Something about this doesn’t compute. If I was Diane Nelson, I’d do two things. First, I’d get Mark Millar back into the DC Universe. I’d give him the keys to Superman. Because if anyone can make Clark Kent one-thousand percent awesome, it’s him. And then I’d make sure that there was a Superman movie put into production that doesn’t just use two-hours of film to slob on the knob of Christopher Reeves.

It’s simple: Make a film where Superman deals with the usual existential crisis, while getting to punch the crap out of something. Like Metallo, I don’t care. And someone please make Lex Luthor imposing. We have flying, relate-able internal strife, a machavelian villain, and a dude fighting a robot. Seriously, c’mon. Easy. It’ll make a zillion bucks. But uh, good luck with Green Lantern And the Emerald Dongs.

I bought Scribblenauts for my girlfriend yesterday. It’s a pretty dope puzzle game, and I knew she’d like it. I watched her play it for a bit, and it seems fun enough. But then I came to a pretty big disagreement with the game over the concept of vulgarity and what constitutes it.

Caffeine: Do you think you can use a dildo in the game? Or is that vulguar?

Note how I even have to ask this.

Far Too Patient Girlfriend: I’m pretty sure that’s vulgar.

Insert some serious silence while I ponder.

Caffeine: Really? Like…really?

I again doze off into rumination.

Far Too Patient Girlfriend: It’s a dildo.

Caffeine: Yeah, exactly! I mean, it’s a device that brings pleasure. How is that vulgar?

Sorry Scribblenauts, we’re going to have to agree to disagree. Apparently you’re like everyone else in this boring Puritanical country. I mean, I should have known we’d part ways. I’m the same guy that finds it completely acceptable to discuss bowel movements and masturbation at the dinner table with my eighty-seven year-old Nana. I mean, c’mon! It’s just a beautiful scientific discovery we’ve fashioned to give women and me pleasure. It’s not vulgar, it’s beautiful.

Ah, True Blood. Your second season just wasted a chunk of my Sunday evenings for an entire summer. Now you have a video came coming:

Via Kotaku:

HBO’s filed a trademark registration for its show “True Blood,” in relation to video games.

What Kotaku failed to report was the entire trademark that was filed. The game is going to be titled True Blood: Boring Pontificating In-between Emo Declarations…Rise of Alan’s Balls. I’d like to strike every person who buys this game in the crotch with enough force to render them in half.

No seriously, I love you Square Enix. Just when I think nothing can beat Ninja Gaiden 2’s feature that allows players to shake a character’s breasts with the controller, we have a game featuring a hermaphroditic demon:

Via Destructoid:

Nier…features a character known as Kaine, a hermaphrodite with identity issues and a demon that has taken over half his/her body.

I don’t think we should be looking for any sort of developed, nuanced character here. The pictures that have been provided show what can be easily categorized as a “female” – with what, a penis thrown in for effect? Oh well, I shouldn’t let my intellectual, culturally sensitive side kick in. I should just be stoked about the uber hotness that Nier Replicant apparently contains. There is absolutely no subset of horny gamer that Square does not want to cater to. They will cover it all eventually.

I never played Star Wars Galaxies. Somehow despite being a complete Star Wars and video game fanatic, it slipped through my grasp. And then the few friends who did play it told me in no uncertain terms that it was horrible, a psychologically scarring experience, and induced late-term miscarriages in certain women and men.

So with that said, how the hell is this game still around? Sony announced today that they were closing some servers:

Via Kotaku:

Due to the overwhelming success of the recent Free Character Transfer Service, we want to inform you that on October 15, 2009, at 5:00 PM PT, Sony Online Entertainment (SOE) will close the following 12 Star Wars Galaxies servers:

o Corbantis
o Europe-Infinity
o Intrepid
o Kauri
o Kettemoor
o Lowca
o Naritus
o Scylla
o Tarquinas
o Tempest
o Valcyn
o Wanderhome

And all I could think was wait, this game still exists? What the fuck. Who are you sickos still playing this game? Do you really need to role play in a cantina band that badly? I feel frightened by you, and sympathy for you.

Oh snap! NHL 10 came out today. Which means, if you’re a decent human being like me, you’re going to do two things. First you’re going to buy it. And then you’re going to take run after run at Sidney Crosby. It’s not that I want to mercilessly paralyze him in the game forever. I mean, that’d be cool and all. But I’d settle for knocking him over and tearing a shoulder-socket out or something. It’s going to be therapeutic. I’ve been suffering night terrors since the little bitch won the Stanley Cup like three months ago.

So do your part. Buy the game, choose your favorite team, and just wail away on the little punk. I wish it was like old-school SNES NHL ’94. Then I could drill him and receive that beautiful little graphic of the sprite rolling around on the ice in agony. But I’ll just have to settle for a Lucic slam against the boards. Again. And again. And again.

Yo! Check it out! Where the Wild Things Are: A New Hope! Where the banthas at?!

I feel a general sense of sympathy for anyone who isn’t excited for the Where the Wild Things Are movie. The visuals alone have me in a sort of frenzy. Slashfilm has a news story that links to a NY Times article that provides yet another look into the aesthetics of the film. I swear I can feel the sense of confused childhood wonder vomiting through the pictures. I don’t usually get that cheesy, and I’m as surprised as you are about how excited I am for this flick. I don’t know, it just seems like it’s going to be such a trippy romp through what was already an eerie kid’s book.