I may have been a bit hyperbolic when I said that Amazing Spider-Man 2 is the worst superhero movie since Batman & Robin. But man, I sure didn’t fucking like it. Loved the cast, deplored everything else. I’m not alone. The franchise has made consistently less and less money with every iteration. So if Sony wants to delay Amazing Spider-Man 3 in order to spiff it up, go for it. If they want to delay it because they’re secretly WORKING WITH MARVEL STUDIOS TO INTEGRATE SPIDER-MAN INTO AVENGERS 3, all the better!

I have absolutely no reason to believe that’s going to happen. Other than this pair of messed-underwear I’ve been wearing like a Wolverine mask all day whispering me sweet words with its diarrhea vapors.

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Oh boy! A fucking choir and poignant proclamations in this trailer!  So while it seems that Parker seems to be pretty stoked to be Spider-Man, I’m imagining his house of cards shall come tumbling down. ‘Cause though he seems to like all of that fucking shit when times are good, I’m interested to see how stoked he is when the villains shit down his lungs and he snaps Gwen’s neck with webbing. Sad Spider-Boner then, I imagine.

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In case you’re the last asshole upon a bastion of denial when it comes to Sony’s plans for Spider-Man, you may want to listen up. Some Big Wig Person of Importance has announced that there will be a “Spider-Man” movie every year. Now this totally translates into “we don’t own any cool Marvel properties, so we’re going to puff up the Arachnid Universe.”

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First half of this trailer: Oh man being Spider-Man is fucking glorious, I’m funny and my nuts are huge from radioactivity, things are fun. Second half of this trailer: LOL nvm mind that here’s a tonally inconsistent trailer being Spider-Man actually sucks, post script: everyone I love dies because I wear a leotard.

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Hey! It’s the second half of the Amazing Spider-Man 2 Super Bowl trailer! First half dropped last week. Plus! A four-minute sizzle reel that Sony has dropped, detailing the various villains in the movie.

Say word?

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1) Yes, part one. Now they’re splitting up teasers and pimping the reveal of the second halves. 2) Look at Sony’s Wunder-Trailer Gurus trolling Gwen Stacy’s fate with that final shot. 3) I’m really looking forward to this flick.

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It’s a poster! For Amazing Spider-Man 2! At this point it’s been sitting in my Feedly “Saved” folder for a few days. So uh, this totally isn’t me purging my folder of things I don’t care about anymore. This is a serious poster full of serious import that I seriously had to post.

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Cinematic comic book universes for all! All the universes! All the characters! ‘Cause when something is hot in Hollywood, you do the obvious. Wring the concept of all its energy, novelty, and excitement. Sony knows how Hollywood works. Sony has their hands obviously on the meat grinder.

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…well, it’s only a trailer. It’s only a trailer. But if it is indicative of the flick, I’m going to be eating a lot of crow. ‘Cause this trailer? Holy Spider-Taint. I’m feelin’ it.

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Wee! It’s Spider-Man swinging around and shit! You haven’t seen that for like…four movies, have you? You have!?! Hey, you ungrateful prick. Who cares. Embrace this teaser trailer. It features nondescript aforementioned web swinging! It features derivative skyscapes!

It’s completely unremarkable!

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