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Recap: The Microsoft E3 Conference In One Post.

June 6th, 2011 by Caffeine Powered

Let’s recap the entire Microsoft Xbox conference in one post. A potpourri of the news dropped in one tight package. Or in other words: like two cool games and fourteen Kinect-related things I don’t give a fuck about.

Mass Effect 3 gets Kinect support with voice recognition
Let the fucking Kinecting of hardcore titles begin! If you know me, you know that the Mass Effect franchise is one of my fucking favorites. Thing I don’t need in my Mass Effect: speaking the conversational portions of the dialogue wheel that I want to activate. Though, speaking to give commands in battle could be cool.

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Kinect Fun Labs Delivers Object Scanning, Life-Like Avatars, Personalized Bobbleheads, and More
I use avatars because I don’t want to look like myself in a virtual world. I want to shed the shackles of my receeding hairline. Thus, this doesn’t do much for me. The capabilities of it is pretty dope though.

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Fable: The Journey features Kinect-based journeying
Wait, people care about Fable still? #Snark.

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Halo 4 start of a new trilogy, coming Holiday 2012
Microsoft first announced an HD remake of the original Halo today, to coincide with the tenth anniversary. Who give a fuck! What does excite me a bit is the prospect of a new team running the next trilogy for the franchise. Hopefully some new blood will bring the franchise up to speed. Gut the retarded aliens, and get a design team that any sense of aesthetic awesomeness.

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Minecraft announced for Xbox 360 with Kinect support
The game that everyone loves – save for me – is coming to the Xbox 360. With Kinect support. Of course.

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Ryse coming from Crytek, puts you in the fall of Rome with Kinect
Perhaps the only Kinect game I’ve seen that I would enjoy playing. I want to Sparta-stomp dudes and swing my shield and sword at motherfuckers gladiators style.

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Watch a Very Intense Man Playing  Kinect Star Wars
Kinect Star Wars, like almost everything Star Wars post-1999 looks like it sucks. Swing your arm in two general motions, mowing down batches of shitty baddies from the Prequels. Don’t forget to love the lag!

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Four EA Sports games in 2011 to feature Kinect
Two things I don’t care about in one neat package! EA sports games, and Kinect.

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Ice-T’s Bodycount Reuniting For  Gears of War By far my favorite part of the Microsoft E3 presentation was the live demo of Gears of War 3. For me, nothing can come close to the scale or hectic nature of Gears, and the demo that Dude Huge and Ice-T played through confirmed that.

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There’s a few more things that you can find throughout the internet, though not much worth discussing. Dance Central 2, Xbox Live wanting to ingest every single aspect of cable television, and a Sesame Street game. Snore. I thought the entire keynote was unremarkable, and drizzled in a painful attempt to integrate Kinect into every facet of their console. Voice recognition, wee! Commands, wee! Xbox!, find me something to give a fuck about.

What’d you think?

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