Press Start!: The Supreme Court Says Yes To Killstreaks

This is Press Start!, the column where I spit about video games. A top five list of the happenings in the gaming world from a particular 168-hour span. I’m a bit distracted today. You see, here in the comfortable bosom of the United States, the glorious day of Burning Flesh and Explosion-Based Dismemberment is coming upon us! I can’t fucking wait. The next few days are merely filler, perhaps filled with the party before the party. Grab a group of friends and regardless of allegiances and ideologies, get your community smiles on. Let’s just get through this so we can all go grab some beverages and chuckle either in a backyard or a CoD lobby.


#1:  Capcom Is A Bunch of Freedom-Hating Communists.
It became obvious this week that Capcom was a bunch of freedom-hating Communists. Ugh! Right in the lieu before the Fourth of July. What poor timing to convey to the world that as a corporation you hate some good old fashioned free-market capitalism. Ronald Reagan, reanimated with Rage and the Glory of Christ would surely strike these people down should they dare to become Americans. You see, this week Capcom unveiled the most masterful of ass fuckings for anyone wanting to sell their copy of Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D. And you know what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.

There is only one save file on every single copy of the game. No problem, you proclaim. Wrong bro, double wrong! You see, this single save file cannot be overwritten. Want to start your game over? STFU, turkey. Can’t. Done with the game and want to trade it in? Surely you jest! Impossible.

The used games market is the Bastard Hate Child of publishers. It cuts them out from the chunk of the bling-bling, and that understandably pisses them off. They’ve tried to get around it by offering free swag or even access to online networks ala Mass Effect 2 via redeemable codes that only work once. Buy the game and you’ll have to pay for access to something like the Cerberus Network. This new idea of Capcom is truly the work of Devil Men with horns and necklaces forged from the ears of stillborn babies.


#2:  Here’s Two Minutes of the BioShock Infinite E3 Demo.
In a plot of marketing synergy and the desire to leverage random television coverage, GTTV on Spike is going to run the thirty-minute BioShock Infinite demo from E3 on July 7. Don’t want to wait until then? Ken Levine and the Glories and Deities at Irrational Games have whored out the first two minutes to the Internet. I am an unabashed fondler of the original BioShock. The sequel was the letdown of all letdowns, but it wasn’t stationed with the comfy loins of Ken Levine, and so it was understandable flaccid. Infinite is coming with the thunder, the original team’s true successor to their Atlas Shrugging wundertitle.

I hope you can join me in oogling this demo, and silently lamenting a lack of time travel and/or dimensional teleportation. It needs to be 2012.


#3: Hideo Kojima Breaks Down Japanese/Western Gaming Divide.
Hideo Kojima is the Chief President Overlord of Konami these days. As such, he sits on an Iron Throne of not swords by Analog Sticks (it’s uncomfortable as fuck) and surveys the gaming landscape. Kojima is also one of a few Japanese gaming developers who happens to see and be concerned with the divide between the Western and Japanese gaming communities. Here in the West we seem to care less and less about Japanese games, while our rugged Meat Head Destroyer HGH Freakshow Male Idols appeal not the very much to Japanese audiences. Kojima, speaking through a Megaphone of Knowledge broke down this divide last week.

[Kojima] cites cultural differences as a major roadblock for international success, explaining, “Japanese people might say ‘Why space aliens?’, but Americans will counter with ‘What’s with these games featuring these feminine-looking boys fighting in Japan with these huge swords?’ It’s no wonder the target audience for a lot of games is getting so compartmentalized.”

In a sentence he accurately slices through the differences between the two communities. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve drifted more and more away from the Japanese developers that I used to hold so dearly. Growing up as a young lady I widdled away the hours playing through the Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Metal Gear Solid, and Nintendo titles with unrivaled reverence. These days installments of those titles seem sparse, and like Final Fantasy XIII, the ones that do drop excitement not in the least.

Maybe if Kojima can rally others to this divide, they can begin to meet somewhere in the middle. All is not lost! Just this week news that Matsuno may be working for Level-5 all at once got me excited in Japanese RPGs again. Let us hope! Deliver me lord from Buckles and Giant Swords! Give me a role-playing game I can care about. A Japanese title I can worship again.


#4: Supreme Court Strikes Down California Law Banning Violent Video Games.
This week, the Supreme Court karate chopped a Californian law that banned the sales of violent video games to minors. As I’ve pointed out ad nauseam, I’m not one for understanding laws and the such. So I can’t really get into the nooks and crannies of this ruling. My knee-jerk reaction to the ruling is, of course, fuck yeah! The opponent of the law said it would have a rippling effect, and could call into question what was obscene, et cetera. Thank God them smarty pants judges stepped up and struck it the fuck down! I need to get my fill of violent video games, pornography, and subversive novels. Thanks Supreme Court! I can’t think of any better way to repay you than to pound some brews on Monday and dedicated  a half-dozen hot dogs and their subsequent violent  diarrhea  it brings about to you.

America, fuck yeah!


#5: Fan Made ‘Batman: Gotham Knights’ Is Gorgeous Fighter.
Batman is getting some good video game love lately. Arkham Asylum was one of my favorite games of 2009, and the sequel Arkham City is one of my most anticipated games this year. Then there’s this game, a fan-made Batman fighting game. The son of a gorgeous bitch looks like Batman and his Buddies meets Street Fighter Alpha. Marvel has gotten the fighting game wankery courtesy of Capcom, but it’s left fans of DC to do other things. Like protest the DC reboot, and write Dick Grayson and Tim Drake yaoi.

There’s something, though!


What caught your eyes this week? Hit me.