Monday Morning Commute: It Ain’t Palm Springs, But It’ll Do

monday morning commute it aint palm springs but itll do (1)

What’s up, you grease-covered, slickened pieces of shit?! Or, rather that’s how I imagine your body. ‘Cause like most people, I can only imagine others bound by my own circumstances. You see, it’s hot as fuck out here in the Northeast. And that’s how I would describe myself. Greasy. Slick. Horny for air conditioning and ass. Hungry for cool breezes and caloric depravity. And most importantly? Feeling half-decent. With the semester winding down, I can feel my mind-anus unclenching. I’ve found myself sleeping a bit more deeply, and awakening a bit more carefree.

All of this explains why I’m actually writing an MMC on a Monday evening! Ha! Wowzers! Take a carrot, shine it with petroleum jelly, and stick it in my ass! Watch as I scream in delight! Cover the eyes of small children and other innocent passersby!

Anyways, what the fuck, let’s do this shit!

Here’s the detritus swirling up against my life-hole this week, tempting me, plugging me, encouraging me. I hope you’ll join me in the comments!

ghost of tsushima


So, I caved and bought Ghost of Tsushima! Despite having FF12, and Doom Eternal, and Days Gone, and on, and on waiting for me. I don’t know! Call it depression-powered pickiness! I need something to call my name. Grip me! Not let me go! Is Ghost the title? We’ll find out, won’t we!

Meanwhile, Bags and I continue on our quest to unlock everything we want in Dead Cells. At the same time, I’m really trying to hone-in on not getting hit during our playthroughs, so I can prepare. For. The. Malaise! And thus far, it’s going well.


Television, baby! What the fuck am I watching? Why, I’m watching Mythic Quest! Suggested by our own The Dude, it’s pretty fucking fantastic. A bit of a love letter (you could call it propaganda, honestly, Ubisoft is a producer) to gaming companies, a bit Community (it features its writers), a bit Always Sunny, it’s pretty fucking fantastic. It’s the latest in a line of new shows from Always Sunny talent that is superior to late-stage seasons of the aforementioned. The other? AP Bio, which is flat-out fucking hilarious.


They’re fucking coming back, baby! I’m genuinely stoked for the Bruins and the Celtics to ruin. And honestly? Pretty much just stoked to watch any sort of playoff sports. What an astonishingly odd lull in our Cultural Existence, with no sporting events, you know? Meanwhile, NFL training camp is starting. Maybe. Maybe! Fuck, I really want a football season. But deep down inside? I’m nervous.

best of the best 4


Any of ya’ll motherfuckers seen the latest Andy Samberg jam, Palm Springs? I’ve only heard good things, and I’m only awaiting an evening my wife is free as well to watch it. I think dude is generally underrated, and the buzz surrounding the effort has been incredibly positive.

Meanwhile, Bags and I have finished the Best of the Best series and I can only describe my emotions in one word: fuck. Fuck! Fuck. What a ludicrous evolution that series charts, and I mean it in the best way possible. From a martial arts tournament in the initial movie, to the fourth being a flat-out Diehard clone. Either one of them satisfyingly preposterous in their own way.

always sunny dumpster diving


As said, this week marks the final week of my summer semester! I’m purple-headed priapism stoked about it, my dudes! Sam and I are getting a dumpster this weekend, so I imagine we’re going to do some serious cleaning. Some-fucking-how we’ve been living in our house for five years now, which is enough to accumulate shit. You know, like a good consumerist American couple. After that, though, fuck if I know what I’m up to! Playing some Ghost. Working out too much. Reading. Speaking of reading!

lovecraft country


So, I took a brief, and initially unrevealed siesta from The Stand. I did so to read Lovecraft Country, and I’m fucking glad I did. The novel itself is enjoyable as an homage-and-yet-critique of Cosmic Horror’s Baby Daddy. At the same time, it made me feel as though I was actually completing something. This is a feeling hard to obtain when reading a King book, apparently. I mean, shuffling through 1,400 pages can definitely feel Sisyphean at times. But, now that I’ve completed Country? I’m deeply fucking ready to return to The Stand. Deeply fucking read!


Okay, dudes. That’s it for me! How the fuck are you? What the fuck are you up to this week? Hope all is well!

This is Monday Morning Commute.